Friday, August 30, 2013

Punishment #2 - apologetic selfies

Hey all,

It's hella storming right now so I hope that my internet doesn't decide to crash when I try to post this. It is a new-suburb level of precariousness that I have not live with since we moved to the Bay. At least we get high speed here. Ok... enough small talk. I have a punishment to get done, and Freddy only knows how much I dislike posting selfies on the internet. I only do it if I *really* like a picture. And it's not often that I do. As promised:



And catbug for cutness:


I never have technology with a good camera. Figures.

<3 Crystal


Thursday, August 29, 2013

Top Notch Interview

okay so Crystal just texted me my challenge at 11 pm. I think that having it done by midnight is not overly likely but on the record its 11:23 pm and I am starting so no punishment needed.

She challenged me to find four celebrity interviews of 4 different celebrities that I like. See I have a lot of favourites because for some reason I just spend all my time watching interviews. Who knows why, its just what I do.

Okay so I have been searching for one particular video for like ten minutes and its no where to be found on youtube which is the dumbest thing I have ever heard. Also, how in goodness' name do I even put youtube videos in this contraction. Damn I have no clue.

Maybeeeee I found it.

OKAY! We are in business.

To start, this is just a short clip of the How I met Your Mother cast where Neil Patrick Harris leaves in the middle of the interview to go pee. Classic.

This video is Will Smith and his kid and then they start singing. Sounds iffy, but stay invested because a very special guest or two from one of the best shows ever join in and its amazing.

The first part of this. Jennifer Lawrence is the best. She meets Jack Nicholson and hilarity ensues. Essentially she asks to be his girlfriend and then fangirls over him. Love it.

Grammie and Grampie, maybe don't watch this one. This is Russell Brand. He is so funny in interviews. Him plus Craig Ferguson whom I love, it just is so fast and so crazy and so strange.

BONUS VIDEO! I love these two girls. They sing songs on Ellen and she sends them to all the red carpets to interview people. This one I enjoy because Chris Pine. That's enough of a reason right?

BAM. Challenge done! 12:05 but I am giving myself that becuase come on. Also I had to find a button thing to add youtube videos.

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Punishment #2

So as it is Tuesday and Crystal has not yet responded to my Challenge it seems as though I need to now think of a punishment. This is a challenge. For me I mean. You see its tricky enough to think of the challenges let alone bonus punishments. So here is how it will work this time. (Also this post is going to be brief because I am tired and want sleep).

Last time I gave Crystal the choice between three punishments which was lovely. So we are going to do that again.

Please complete one of the following punishments THIS WEEK to make up for missing your day on Monday. Please note you still have to do your Monday challenge also.

  • OPTION A - Tell one embarrassing story about your self from Middle School ages (11-13) CANNOT INVOLVE TANYA.

  • OPTION B- you would have to answer the most recent challenge you gave to me (Super Power Choice)

  • OPTION C – take a picture or yourself with a post-it stuck to your forehead that reads as follows: I AM UNTIMELY AND I APOLOGIZE.

So now we get to look forward to Crystal completing this as well as her Monday challenge. To be fair she is the one who said I would need to punish her because she was too busy for Monday's post. So really she should get a pass but she wanted the punishment so here it is. I am going to go for the evening. Because its almost tomorrow.

Anyways Crystal, thank you so much for the blog-style birthday card. I loved it! I will be posting a picture perhaps Thursday or Saturday to show off the gifts you made me. People need to know how amazing you are. And, if you are sad about your punishment, just be glad your not Dobby the House Elf and that you don't have to iron your hands when you misbehave. post-its and stories not looking so bad eh?

Monday, August 26, 2013

Tanya, it's your birthday.

Good morning, world.

Today is my best friend's 25th birthday

This means that this (late) post will be a gif set in tribute to her awesomeness. Mostly because she deserves it, but partly because I didn't post on Friday and I'm semi terrified of Tanya's wrath. As she has a great many powers that she has cultivated from her grammie. Mainly, the death glare - it is really scary, guys.

So, Tanya. I know you a little better than to expect you to wake up like this:


how i metyour mother lily birthday himym how i met your mother


But you should still be pumped up, dear girl, because your birthday is an important opportunity for celebrations! Or at least fun gif sets! So gather your F.R.I.E.N.D.S.;

Get the music pumping;


And take Lydia Bennet's advice:


I know I didn't make you ginger cookies, and you don't like cake. Would you partake in a birthday cupcake if a certain special someone made them for you?





birthday - death eaters



No? Well that's all good, I don't want you to get all world-domination-y on me anyways. Just remember you don't have to have everything figured out, aside from our trip to Harry Potter world next year. Not every one has to be as anal as Paris:


So happy 25th, darling. I will obviously be texting you throughout the day, but I thought this would be an excellent way to really express how happy I am that we're friends and that you're having to deal with all this aging stuff before me so that you can let me know what to do lol.



Extra bonus gif:

Thursday, August 22, 2013

Inconvenient Super Skillz

This Mustache Wizard is quite the little weirdo isn't he? He fits right in with our Attack Squirrel and Toilet Penguins.

This is a tricky challenge for sure. I am sure normal people often think about becoming a super hero and I am WAY beyond normal so it is literally one of my top recurring thoughts.

Tanya's Top Recurring Thoughts:

  1. Where can I get Ice Cream

  2. I wish I were a super hero

  3. (If I am not wearing Sweatpants) I wish I were in my sweatpants

  4. (If I am wearing sweatpants) Man I love sweatpants

So it's a good thought process constantly forming around being super. I have often thought about what powers I would want, how I would use them, and even sometimes how I would have come to develop them. Would I be like Batman/Batgirl/Robin who are all normal people with too much money and athletic ability so they beat up criminals after training for years? Would I be bitten by some radioactive spider? Would I be given a super serum that makes me grow two feet and become super attractive and bad ass while still maintaining my short person attitudes? Would I find out that I was a mutant and had these powers all along but didn't know how to use them? So many options and origin potentials. Mustache Wizard, now that has not been done yet. Maybe... Unless you count Dumbledore who kind of makes Harry into a super hero sort of by being all "FIND THE HOROCRUX HARRY!" and then dying so that Harry HAS to find the horocrux(s? what is the plural of horocrux? J.K Rowling, little help?) because otherwise hes going back on a dead man's last wish and that would be rude. MOVING ON!

Okay so if you are lost, Crystal challenged me to pick between the three faulty super powers that the Mustache Wizard was looking to grant me. Are you following now? As a reminder if you don't want to read the whole thing these are my three options:

1. You can become invisible. It’s not at will and no one is quite sure how it is triggered, no one knows when it ends. You can’t go through walls, people can still hear you when you speak/move/pass gas.

2.  You can hear people’s thoughts. Rules: it can’t be turned on or off at will, they have to be within a 50 meter radius of you and you will hear every thought. Keep in mind that most people don’t think through everything they are doing, aren’t serious about everything they think and their minds are most likely in the gutter more than half the time.

3. You can never die. This one kind of speaks for itself. You have the gift and curse of immortality and you’ll be around when the world burns. Oh and you can still feel pain. Duh, forgot to mention that.

So Crystal asked if I would accept his offer or reject it and why, so let us analyze the possibilities shall we before we make any crazy decisions.

1. Unstable Invisibility:

  • Well not being able to control it really limits it ability to be effective. If I could control it I could I suppose use it to spy but that only does me good if I then have the capability to do something with the information I have obtained. So say I become a super hero and find myself invisible for a good stretch, I wander into the super villains lair to spy and find out their devious plan. Situation A, I find out the plan and then what? notify the authorities? Perfect, they will call me the Super Snitch, or Situation B, I am sitting quietly waiting for the plan when my spotty invisibility gives out and there I am in the middle of a room of goons about to be either killed or much more likely trapped in an easily escape-able scenario which I will get out of because a super villain is nothing without a hero. (See the movie "Megamind" for proof. PS. yes I count movies as valid proof.)

2. Mind Reader:

  • Okay so this reminds me of the movie "What Women Want" (again, yes my whole life revolves around movie plots apparently and all interactions are then filtered through and responded to in a less dramatic version) So if you don't know the movie it's basically that Mel Gibson gets electrocuted and then can hear all the women's thoughts. He is a misogynist but eventually turns himself around into a nicer fellow. But he then loses his powers and blah blah blah boring. Anyhow, the thing is, he hears the talking all the time. Now it might be fine if you are in the room with one person because that's only one thing to hear on top of them talking, but imagine you are sitting on the bus and everyone is thinking different things in different languages? I can't even keep the voices in my head straight let alone the voices of hundreds of others. Also, how would this help me stop a super villain? I guess if I could situate myself again far to close to them I could know their plans and just inconvenience them at every turn, but there are only so many times I can follow them around the world. They would eventually catch on and just get a restraining order so that I can't get close enough to hear their thoughts and then BAM I useless.

3. Forever Alive:

  • So what this doesn't specify which I am glad I thought of now was no where does the Mustache Wizard specify that you would never get old. He just said never die. So would you keep deteriorating until you were a gelatinous ooze of old puddling around in a blob until the end of time comes, a giant comet blows up the earth and then I am stuck floating the universe as a puddle of skin? That's an unpleasant visual. Although this one does prove the most useful against bad guys, as if you never die then you have lots of time to train in various death-skills (martial arts, shooting, etc.) also, maybe in the future they will have readily available jet packs so I could fly around and stuff. Also gives me lots of time to get money and stuff. Even if I can't just make it I could perhaps steal it, if I served a bunch of years in prison I would just still be alive so I could go find it when I got out. Although again, gelatinous skin blob is not very conducive to fighting crime.

[caption id="attachment_565" align="aligncenter" width="945"]end of the world When you become a giant skin blob it becomes harder to find clothes that fit.[/caption]

So all choices equally considered, I think I would have to say no to the Mustache Wizard and just remain a regular person. Also, as I was taken to an island with Crystal and Chris Pine I don't need any powers. I got all I will ever need. (Side note: I took like 20 minutes drawing that picture. I should probably reevaluate my priorities but it for sure isn't going to happen.)


Now that you have started a discussion of super heroes, I would like to continue that.

Your challenge is to pick a super hero whom you would marry. Now, this isn't all that simple. You will have to take each super hero from the list below and check them through the criteria provided.

Here is your list of potential suitors:

  • Batman

  • Superman

  • Captain America

  • Thor

  • Iron Man

Now you take each of those lovely fellas and study them for the following criteria:

  1. Personality

  2. Background/Baggage (ex girlfriends, dead parents, PTSD, in wrong millennium, etc.)

  3. Career/Day Job (outside of vigilante duties)

  4. Super Power - how would that effect home life

  5. Villains you would have to deal with - how would that affect you

  6. Family/Friends/Team Mates - would you want them coming over to your house

  7. Home - where would you live? Would you ask them to relocate?

  8. Attractiveness - Are you picturing them as the actor in the movie/which actor if more than one actor has played them/if you don't like the current actor cast your own choice.

And then pick a husband. Good luck and enjoy! DFTBA!

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

5 things.

I had a plan for this post and then my day became kind of a mess. It was a mess of cat in the hat proportions. Everything seemed disorganized, wrong and dramatic. It was all stressing me out for whatever reason. Not cool.

When such things happen, I like to think about 5 things I liked about my day. I tend to get anxious some days - specifically when I think about my future - and I find that this is a way to remind myself of things that I got accomplished. It won't always calm me down or anything, but sometimes I can make myself myself feel better by admitting that watching 5 episodes of the west wing before bed is quite the achievement. Lofty to some, I put those people to shame. It's not even my personal best.

Anyway, I learned this when I went called into student services last fall when I was pretty positive I was losing my mind. Writing so much stuff and not feeling like you're getting anywhere, along with carrying a 20-hour-a-week job, 2 internships and 4 hour courses can make anyone feel nutty. By the end of the semester, I baked 7 different kinds of holiday cookies and took many a long nap and felt much better. The point was that I called, was told that "blah blah blah my life was awesome and I didn't know it (which is true, it's an awesome life), blah blah blah you have come so far blah blah." In between what I distinctly remember as Charlie Brown's teacher talking to me, something stuck: think of things you're grateful for. Even if they're small (I read 20 pages of my text on Homeric Hymns) or big (I walked across a stage and got my diploma from a governor general), anything counts.

So I came up to get ready for bed and decided to write out my post after all, and share my five things because I did actually do a lot today that I can be semi proud or at the very least happy about. Nothing groundbreaking, but hey, we can't all be Jennifer Lawrence, can we?

1. I baked ginger cookies - Kristen's birthday present is officially done! I get to bring it to Jenn on Friday morning and she will deliver it to Kristen on her birthday. I'm pretty proud of gifts I put together, so it gets a spot on the list.

2. Speaking of, I finished part A and moved on to part B of Tanya's birthday gift (which, if you didn't know, her birthday is on Monday). I need to get some hydrogen peroxide to clean up a bit, but it's worth it. I'm hoping she likes what I'm making her.

3. I caught up at work - for today at least. We were backlogged with requests for a while and I finally caught up to it all. I also answered/returned calls which is hard for me, and wrote a crap ton of emails for missing information. I'm going into the Charlie Brown teacher voice for you guys now, aren't I? Ok, work isn't a super huge accomplishment, but I'm still new and I'm happy I got it done.

4. I cleaned the house up a bit and bbq'd when I got home. I went to the store and grabbed some beers and actually did something with my evening. Accomplishment woo.

5. I got to see captain hot pants this morning on the bus. You can conjure your own image, but I mean he's a man in uniform with a tattoo sleeve and he is kind of perfect. So check mark that is number five.


Tanya, I think I texted you this, but I can't believe you sprayed a skunk with a pressure washer? I assume it as Dave, but still. Poor little guy was probably just chillin' in his living room, popping some popcorn, waiting to watch Ellen and then BAM. No, just kidding. You didn't update me on the Noodle sitch though; I hope she's ok.

I tried to draw a picture like you do, but I'm terrible at it. Have a gif instead:

<3 dftba

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Started with a Stink

Today was not a great day. It started off bad, then got okay and then ended bad.

Okay, to start: Dave was going to go somewhere but then came back. Noodle got out and then proceeded to crawl into the culvert in our drive way. Then a few moments later we heard her freaking out and barking. Dave got a flashlight and then we found out that's where the stupid skunk who eats our trash lives. So Noodle had an argument with it and couldn't get out. So Dave panicked and I panicked but eventually she got out stinking like a skunk's butthole.

So we needed to get her cleaned up and that was a hassle. Then the task of getting rid of the skunk was intense. I don't want to get into the whole thing but it involved a pressure washer and a lot of mistakes. *NOTE TO EVERYONE* If you are going to chase a skunk out of you culvert, close the garage first or they will lodge themselves in there and spray all your stuff.

So we did some running around which was okay but boring. We did get Wendy's which was tasty.

Then we played Donkey Kong 64. It is so hard. I don't understand how they intend children to play this because I can't do any of it.

But then I let the stupid Winston out to pee and then he got out of our makeshift gate and I had to climb on a plastic chair in the dark to get him and then I fell off said plastic chair while holding the stupid little pig onto my elbow and my derriere on the patio stones. So that was stupid. And hurt and I think it will be bruised but right now its green because there are weeds in our patio stones. Ridiculous.

So I have nothing relevant to say today because I am super cranky now. But Crystal A+ on both the challenge and punishment. I am excited about our mustachioed wizard, the mischievous little bastard. (PS. watching so you think you can dance and I want Travis Wall to dance forever and ever. How is he human?)

Monday, August 19, 2013

Punishment #1 - Retrospective Embarrassment

Alright guys - not only did I miss my Friday deadline (I was watching the West Wing on Netflix, oops), I have also been remiss in not posting my punishment. Maybe you guys didn't remember, but I sure did. It was way back in early August - ahh, those were the days - and my internet was down. I missed two posts in a row and I couldn't answer my challenge. Tanya was nice enough to provide me with three options to chose from for my punishment. I decided to go with Option A (see below) because I feel like we're still getting to know each other, readers. You might want really crappy photographs of photographs of glimpses into my past. Maybe? Hmm?

Anyways. This was the exact wording: "OPTION A- post an photo of yourself as a young lady. It can’t be an adorable picture because we all know you were the cutest child, you would have to post something awkward."

All I have to say to you, dear, is this:


You thought


I was




Bonus picture! Me and my roommates (Kris and Andrew) on New Years Eve at my aunt Darlene's house. I don't even remember the year. We look pretty wired and I've probably been crying. I don't remember that sweater either.


Challenge #4 - Phenomenal cosmic power!

... Itty bitty living space.

I loved your story. I am sitting here, hot chocolate in hand (or as the 'cool' kids like to call it, hotcho), all curled up and reading your pirate story. I am semi confused how I got to a pirate ship in the first place, let alone why I was pushed in to the closet, but whatever. The wizard and I come out of the closet together because his cape was in the way. And it was too billowy for a cramped environment. Fabulous. But what of the pirates? If they can make terrible puns about their own career choices, they are my kind of people. I want to save the pirates too! They don't deserve to  live out a Hitchcock movie! Common!

[Interlude] As readers probably know by now, I research dumb things a lot. For instance, I have seen the movie Lifeboat, mentioned above, and forgot the title. So I Googled "men stuck in life boat" and this came up from Slate magazine online: Trapped in an Underwater Air Bubble for Three Days. The stuff of actual nightmares, guys. He lived 60 hours underwater without food, drinking water or light on the ocean floor. The fuck. It's a really interesting article and you should all check it out. [End interlude]

May I add that whimsical mustache wizard seems a little selfish. I think if he Dorothy'd hard enough, he could get me home. He just wants to keep me on his stupid island filled with puppies and books. So harsh. This is a tricky situation that I am in and I dislike it. Party time island with five people COULD be fun, or it could be a massive headache. Very tough choices to make.

* Five people I'm dooming to the island with me:

  1. Tanya. I mean this one is pretty obvious. Best friend, amusing storyteller, a deadpan wittiness that melds with my own sense of humor really well AND she understands my need to close off from people sometimes which I think I'd appreciate.

  2. Sandy. She has a fondness for pirates, books and puppies that is rarely seen in another human. She is also good at Scrabble, amongst other things.

  3. A (also known as Kiwi). He also likes Scrabble and sheep. So if there are sheep, board games and history related doo-dads then he's pretty much set for life. Also I miss spending time with him (super creepy if he reads this weeeo)

  4. K. She's a beach bum and is really laid back, so island life would suit her. (Sorry J, you'd hate me if I forced you on an island. We'll get you a boat to visit us for beach days)

  5. Robin Williams. I totally know him - I saw him on the street in Vancouver one time while my family was on vacation. He was wearing red Chucks. My dad yelled at him from across the street and I died from embarrassment. We're practically related. He can do Ms. Doubtfire bits and his stand up acts.

(Do you know how hard this is? I seriously do not have friends, my dear. I don't know why you needed me to bring FIVE whole people to the island with me.)


* Five celebrities that would have to sit with all of us nerds, the whimsical mustache wizard, and Robin Williams:

  1. Henry Cavill. Do I need a god damned reason?

  2. Bill F*cking Murray. He was my favourite original SNL Cast member and his sarcasm would bring a level of je-ne-sais-quoi to the table. I have a feeling that our good friend, whimsical mustache wizard, is not easily put off. I bet you Mr. Murray could easily quiet our jar-loving conjurer.

  3. Emma Stone. She's awesome and I think we'd all be friends. She can bring Andrew Garfield too.

  4. Nathan Fillion. He has a story for literally any subject. You want to talk about tariffs in the fish trade? Nathan Fillion has got a story for that. Awkward sex scenes? Oh boy, does he have a good one for you. Hilarious shaving mishaps? Let's not bring that up...

  5. Chris Pine. Again, I mean I really don't need a reason for bringing him at all. He's here to make sarcastic remarks (a common theme I guess) and eat apples in noisy fashions.



* 5 TV Series

  1. Doctor who. Sorry, Nathan. Firefly was too damned short. Dr. Who will last forever on this island.

  2. Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Now this is a story all about how my life got flipped, turned upside down. But I'd like to take a minute - just sit right there - and I'll tell you about how I became the prince of Bel-Air.

  3. Shameless (US). I honestly just want more people to watch this show. It's hilarious and charming and terribly sad all at the same time. How does it do it? Chicago slums, bitches.

  4. Batman the Animated Series. We gotta have something to watch in the mornings.

  5. Game of Thrones. Who doesn't like a good death with their television programing?

(So many shows I wish were longer so that I could justify bringing them with me. Honorable mentions go to: New Girl, Misfits, How I met your mother, Pushing Daisies, Rome, Gilmore Girls, Sarah Conner Chronicles, The Walking Dead, etc. etc. etc. Ironically, I did not chose Gilligan's Island, LOST or any other stranded show.)

* 5 Books

  1. Good Omens - Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman

  2. Monuments Men - Robert Edsel & Bret Witter

  3. To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee

  4. The Name of the Wind - Patrick Rothfuss

  5. Bulfinch's Mythology - Thomas Bulfinch (Deluxe Edition)

(Also there was a library mentioned, so I think I'm well stocked for books.)

* 5 CDs

  1. The Killers - Hot Fuss

  2. Jack Johnson - In Between Dreams

  3. Elvis Presley - The 50 Greatest Hits

  4. The White Stripes - Elephant

  5. Billie Holiday - Songs for Distingue  Lovers

(CDs are hard because no one likes the whole disk. No one. I tried to pick CDs that I can leave on and listen to the whole way through, but that might just mean that they would just be background noise like the music at Retailland. Added bonus though: they're all nostalgic for me and they'd probably make me feel less isolated if I listened to them. Honorable mentions: Franz Ferdinand, The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, Arctic Monkeys, Otis Redding, Spice Girls, BSB, Destiny's Child, Outcast, and Led Zepplin, to name a few)

* 5 types of food

  1. Ice cream

  2. Fruit salad

  3. Pasta

  4. BBQ Chicken

  5. My mom's spinach strawberry salad. Because veggies.

(Honorable mentions: Waffles.)

* 5 types of drinks

  1. Fresh water

  2. Chocolate Milk

  3. Gin and Tonic

  4. Wheat Beer

  5. Coffee


There you go, darling! All answered in a timely fashion. Anyone can feel free to post their own answers, or rebut my own. These were surprisingly tough choices, as I had mentioned many times. I feel like if I was that limited, I'd get very sad. I'm a girl who likes variety. Obviously not with the people that I hang out with, but with the things that I do and the foods I eat. If I had to listen to those five cds for the rest of my life, I'd probably break them by month 2. If I had to limit myself to those tv shows, knowing there were other good choices, I'd throw the disks into the water. Then Henry Cavill would be upset with me because he was totally mid-season two of Fresh Prince, and Will was dancing and it's all a terrible terrible end.

My biggest fear? I'd go all Agatha Christie and cut someone just to have something to do. Seriously. You can be the Inspector and it will be a joyous time had by all; except the person who is murdered (I'm looking at you, wizard).


Your challenge is to ponder the following situation and give a solid answer: Out of flagrant disregard for the general public's well being, our very own whimsical mustache wizard deems himself the granter of all wishes. Sometimes, he messes certain wishes up. Somewhere in the past or present, you have wished to be a superhero. Having Batgirl's sense of self and Wonder Woman's Amazonian kick-ass-ness wouldn't be so bad, would it? Mustache wizard totally gets you, friend. He's all: "Man... Tanya's already kick ass. Super powers would make her even more amazing then before. I'm going to offer her a deal." In meeting with you he points out his extreme lack of actual helpfulness or ability and lays out his plan to make you the next comic book queen. He's going to give you one of three options:

1. You can become invisible. It's not at will and no one is quite sure how it is triggered, no one knows when it ends. You can't go through walls, people can still hear you when you speak/move/pass gas.

2.  You can hear people's thoughts. Rules: it can't be turned on or off at will, they have to be within a 50 meter radius of you and you will hear every thought. Keep in mind that most people don't think through everything they are doing, aren't serious about everything they think and their minds are most likely in the gutter more than half the time.

3. You can never die. This one kind of speaks for itself. You have the gift and curse of immortality and you'll be around when the world burns. Oh and you can still feel pain. Duh, forgot to mention that.

Do you take his offer? Which one power would you chose and which ones would you leave? And the all important elementary school application-question: Why?

(Genie gif image from disneydreams on Tumblr)

Sunday, August 18, 2013

Moustache Wizard Island


Crystal it is time for you to find out what your 4th challenge will be! Aren't you excited? I sure am. Okay here it goes. It starts with a short story.

So you are on a boat, and as we read before, you are a little nervous because you don't really trust water travel. So you are traveling with these pirate type guys and one is all: "Why is a pirate called a pirate?", and you are all like, "why?" and he's all "BECAUSE THEY AAARRRR". Then, out of no where a storm hits! The crew makes you go inside and you hide in a small closet and pray to the good lord Freddie that you can make it somewhere safely. As you sit quietly mumbling your prayers under a collection of coats and sweaters, something heavy falls and drops on your head. You grab it and look at it, a small jar.


So you notice a weird glowing substance floating in the jar and you are all, "WTF" and open it. Out pops a wizard!

moustache wizardAnd now the wizard starts talking, "I AM THE GREAT MOUSTACHE WIZARD OF THE JAR!" and you stand up and open the door to the closet and step out of the closet because it is not very close quarters with his cape being so majestic, and you ask him if he can get you off the boat and to safety. He explains, "Well I have the power to bring you to an island I own, it is not your home but I can give you the opportunity to bring a designated number of things to the island with you. And at this point the boat crashes into something and you hear crew members screaming to get the life boats and you decide it's better than spending the next several days in life boats with a bunch of boat folks before dying from dehydration, so you agree. The wizard casts a spell and transports you to the most beautiful island you have ever seen. On this island is a beautiful mansion that has all the luxuries you could ever hope for, swimming pool, library, a room full of puppies, and it all sounds great. But you instantly start to feel lonely and realize that you are going to be alone with this whimsical moustache wizard forever.

He sees you looking distraught and tells you to relax, you will have the opportunity to pick the following things to bring to the island with you:

  • 5 people you know

  • 5 celebrities

  • 5 TV Series on DVD

  • 5 movies

  • 5 books

  • 5 CDs

  • 5 types of food

  • 5 types of drinks

So your challenge is, to tell the wizard and the rest of us what it is that you want on your magical island. ENJOY.

Thursday, August 15, 2013

Challenge #3 - Pilot Season

So Crystal has challenged me to make up a movie of my life. Also to make the movie poster and all the details and cast. The best part about movies is they get to exaggerate and change things into very different entities only half touching on the truth.

I will try my best, this is a hard challenge

I can't get the "read more" thing to work so i had to use this other type that is pages so just deal with the crazy long post okay?

So Crystal sent me some additional details to help me figure out how detailed it needs to be. Its extensive. I will put headings so you can follow along nicely.

The Cast

Alright I am going to start with the cast because that's easiest maybe. (Please note that I am NOT picking based on how much they look like people they are representing because that would be damn impossible, going more by who I believe could portray them properly)

                                Jennifer Lawrence

         Jennifer Lawrence as Tanya

because who doesn't love her and its my movie so whatever

alexis-bledel-thumb-26076Alexis Bledel as best friend Crystal because if Crystal was any character in any show I think she would be Rory Gilmore. This character choice took a lot of consideration. She was almost three different people in this but alas I think this is the best fit.
Cobie-cobie-smulders-2616935-1024-768-sandyCobie Smulders as older sister SandyI needed someone fun and awesome who could be kick ass when needed. Also athletic enough to ride a horse. And bonus points - shes dutch and Canadian and the more I look at this picture she kind of looks like Sandy but I think I am just going crazy.
sandra-bullock-blush-h724-momSandra Bullock as MomShes awesome and slightly spazzy and not afraid to make a fool of herself and can recover easily from falling down.
"Men in Black II" PremiereTim Allen as DadNot quite as muscly as my actual dad but when I was young I always watched Home Improvement with my dad and he always reminded me of him. With the cars and the goofy sense of humor, and the always getting injured.
MV5BMjI2MTIzODQ1M15BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwNjI4Mzc1OA@@._V1._SY314_CR4,0,214,314_John Goodman as GrampieJohn Goodman has a good grandparent-ness to him. He is like an all-knowing and always caring loveable goof.
Meryl-Streep-meryl-streep-33087889-2100-3345grammieMeryl Streep as GrammieMeryl can do anything. Also her in Devil Wears Prada makes me certain she could nail the ever elusive Grammie Glare.
Pfeiffer-auntyMichelle Pfeiffer as Aunty
She is super fun and happy and she wants a rider that's cool.
emma-watson.wsEmma Watson as cousin ColleenAs I said before with Crystal being like Rory, I think Colleen would be Hermoine Granger. Colleen loves her some school.
936full-anna-kendrickAnna Kendrick as cousin ChelseaAnna Kendrick loves staying home and wearing sweatpants, Chelsea loves staying home and wearing sweatpants.
chris_evans_grey_suit_white_shChris Evans as boyfriend DaveHe looks good with a beard am I right ladies?
"Bad Teacher" New York Premiere - Inside ArrivalsJason Segel as friend JakeJason Segel is a goofy and delightful fella who makes me laugh all the time. However to play Jake he needs to be a bit younger but Crystal said it doesn't need to be factual. (Fun note, I asked Jake who he would cast to play himself he said Johnny Depp. And then later changed it to Channing Tatum. I am sticking with Segel though, Sorry Jakey)
Sean Gunn-SGG-030782Sean Gunn as cousin Kris


Type of Film:

She wanted me to specify the kind of movie it would be, action, drama, comedy, indie, historical, summer blockbuster, etc. This question is tricky because I haven't yet decided the plot of this movie. which I guess I need to do right this second.  Okay so it would probably be a comedy/road trip comedy kind of deal. I obviously love that this doesn't need to be factual because no one would watch a factual account of my life. Not even me.


Tanya, a 22 year old University student has been coasting through life taking things as they come and figuring out her plan as things happen. She works part time at the Home Depot with her friend Jake and goes to school to get a degree she is not sure what she is going to do with any more. She lives with her Boyfriend Dave in an apartment near her school. She spends a lot of her time hanging out with her best friend Crystal sharing their stresses over their lack of life plans over pizza and ice cream. She takes her laundry to her aunts house so they can have girls nights with Chelsea and Colleen and also so she doesn't have to spend 4$ to wash her clothes. Tanya recently started a second job at a government office that she hates but goes to because it pays her a lot of money. Fast Forward a few years and she is 24, still unsure of what she is going to do. She has bought a house and needs to pay for it but her contract at work is up and she needs to leave. She decides without any hesitation that this is her chance, she is going to move to California and write her hit TV show with her friend Jake, dragging her boyfriend Dave and best friend Crystal with her.

map to caliThe four of them road trip to California in her beat up Mazda Protege, sleeping in gross motels and eating at every IHOP on their way. They are going to do eight hours of driving every day and plan to get to L.A. in a week. Jake and Tanya work to get their pilot script written as they travel using their laptops. As they drive through Nebraska, they pull into a rest stop to get gas and lunch, but when they come back out to go to the car, it is no where to be found. They run back in and call the local cops but when they arrive they are ridiculous and not at all useful saying that they shouldn't have left they keys in the car (which they didn't but the cops are really stupid). The cops give them a ride to the bus station and luckily they all had their wallets still on them. Tanya and Jake only then realize that their scripts are gone with their laptops but Tanya remembers she saved it to a server online so if they can get new computers they should be able to find it and not have lost everything. When they go to buy bus tickets to LA they don't have enough money left.  They have just enough money to get a bus to Utah. They decide its better than nothing and begin their bus ride. Jake and Tanya find paper at the bus station and borrow pens so they can keep working, Crystal and Dave helping as much as they can.

They arrive in Utah in the middle of the night and realize that without any money they can't really rent a hotel room. They wander Utah until they find a 24 hour diner and go there with enough money to buy two burgers which they all share. The diner owner asks them where they are headed. They explain what happened to them and he takes pity on them saying that if they clean the entire diner they can get 4 bus tickets to Las Vegas and then his brother who lives in Vegas and runs a casino would get them set up with a job for a day and then they can get to L.A. from there. So they begin to clean the disgusting diner which looks as though it hadn't been cleaned in months. Dave throws up all over the bathroom, Tanya and Crystal are attacked by mice in the kitchen, and Jake finds out that it isn't green icing on the donuts. They eventually get the place sparkling clean and the diner owner gives them their tickets for the bus and then have to run to the station to catch in time. The bus is already driving away a few minutes early but the four of them chase the bus for a few blocks until it finally stops and they can get on.

They arrive in Vegas right near the casino that the diner owner's brother owns and go in. There are bouncers outside that almost don't let them in because they are grimy and full of diner scum and haven't changed their clothes in a few days but as they are arguing with them the casino owner walks by and recognizes the diner logo on the hat that Dave had been given after his old hat fell into his puddle of vomit at the diner. He then tells them to go shower and put on their uniforms. Crystal and Tanya work as waitresses while Dave and Jake are bartenders for the night. They make all kinds of tips all in casino money and then after their shifts they realize that not only do they have enough money to get to L.A. they have enough to help them pay for their time in hotels for their stay in California and even a plane ticket home. Jake bets some of his money and then manages to double it so he rushes out and buys a new laptop and they manage to finish off their script before getting some sleep.

The next day they leave for L.A, finding that the casino owner had left them new clothes. They catch their bus easily and make it to Hollywood. It's pilot season so all the networks are accepting options. They start at NBC and when they walk into the gates they see a car that looks a lot like Tanya's Mazda. It even had the same rust spots. They get closer and realize that it IS Tanya's Mazda and it still has all their bags inside. They go to the gate and ask whose car it is and then find out its the boss of NBC. Crystal starts to call the cops to report it but Tanya stops her.  They instead go to their pitch and find the boss is in the meeting. They start to talk to him and try to be friendly and tell him their story of how they got to L.A. he laughs at the story saying its hilarious but when they get to the part about the stolen car he begins to look nervous, forcing his laughs. Finally Tanya slips her phone across with a picture of her car on it saying "I don't know who would want to steal it, it's a piece of junk. You wouldn't want a car that looked like this would you?" The boss breaks into hysterical tears and says that he didn't mean to steal it, he thought it was his car. They then show they had the keys so he obviously had to hot wire it, he says he always has to because he doesn't know where his keys for his actual car are because hes always doing too many drugs. He says that if they don't report it he will give them anything they want. They consider making him put their show on his network but decide against it because its NBC and obviously the boss is crazy so they tell him he has to get their show onto a better network and give them back their car. He does all this and they sign their show to a good network with bosses who are not car thieves.

Jake and Tanya become the show-runners for their hit TV show, Crystal gets a job working at a museum while assisting part time in art direction on set and Dave works with a stunt team rigging explosions and guns for action movies.

If it were featured on Netflix, what movies would be recommended to you after watching it?

Probably some road trip movies, Identity Theif, Due Date, Harold and Kumar, Rat Race. Then some movies about friends, I love you man, the hangover.

And finally, Movie Poster:

pilotseasonWhew. That was hard. I thought casting would be so easy. NOT.

Anyway, there is the movie of my life only kind of altered from what it is, called Pilot Season.

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Ways that movies have ruined my life

Let me start off this post by saying that you and Batman are tied in first for world greatest detective. You put way more thought into deducing the lie than I thought you would and I loved reading your reasoning. That that was the hardest challenge yet. Researching Kevin was nothing compared to trying to figure out half truths I could tell you to trick you into thinking I was cool and did stuff. And the answer is - #3 is a lie. I DID go fly home from Edmonton on a plane that experienced a lot of turbulence, I did cry BUT I didn't meet Olympic champions. I knew that was going to far haha. I did meet two very nice, very calm professional dancers who talked me down from punching in the emergency exit window pane and hurling us all out the windows in the middle of the storm. It is something I will never forget, although I still love flying and turbulence is more of an annoyance than a fear of death.

On to the post! I have made a list of five reasons why movies have kind of ruined my life. I guess I don't mean ruin my life - I love movies. I have different films I watch annually, certain genres are good for certain kinds of weather, etc. If I thought I had any talent with writing, editing, producing or directing film, I'd go work for the film industry. Luckily for my already completed bachelor's degree in Classical Studies, I don't. I guess what I mean by the title is that I relate a lot of my life to movies, regardless of the genre. When I'm in certain situations, I remember what characters in my favourite movies have done, what they've said, how they've reacted, and I'll model my own actions from that I guess. It may be because of my lack of social interaction, social anxiety and other fun mental health things that I do this, but whatever. If anyone can tell me they've never said a line from a movie in a conversation, I will kick that person in the shin. They are a liar.

1. Cruise ships. When I was 10 we got the chance to go on a Cruise from south Florida to the Bahamas. It was 3 days, all inclusive, and we could beach hop around and settle back down in the Continental US and hit Disney and Universal for the last couple days of our trip. YAY! Beach time and overgrown mice with white gloves all in the same week! Everyone thought it would be a roaring success. I can tell you that it was not. Remember Titanic?

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

The Lying Game Reply

Wow. Crystal made that hard. Also she made it amazing. Those were three excellent stories and were all very fun to read.

Here the thing, I have the worst memory ever. I also often forget that I have the worst memory ever and make stupid promises that I will obviously remember something forever. So this challenge of using my memory or facing punishment is a dangerous one. I will obviously still attempt and be horribly embarrassed if I am wrong but complete my punishment anyhow.

BEFORE I START: Crystal I had no idea the parliament building had unicorns on it. That is by far the most amazing thing our government has ever thought of ever. Screw health care, "let's put unicorns on the most important buildings" should be our legacy. (Although if we could keep the health care too that would be great. I am so often broken.) MOVING ON...

So if you are lost on Thursday I challenged Crystal to play two truths and a lie. She had to tell three stories about her life and then one would be a lie. Then I would guess and face punishment of her choosing should I be wrong. She then replied with a lovely collection of stories to be read HERE because they are long and I don't want to re-post them all over again when you can just click and read them before this.

You follow me? We are all paying attention and ready? Alright, before we go into my choice I would like to apologize to Crystal. I feel really bad that I may get them wrong but I swear I do always listen when you talk! I promise. I enjoy it. It never ever annoys me. I am just semi-quiet I suppose and am always censoring what I mean to say in my head so sometimes by the time I have things worded in the way that is clever enough to say we have moved on to a new topic. Because that is kind of our thing. We start telling one story and then a third of the way through switch to another story and then half way through that one we resume the first one and then when we are almost finished the first one we start a third one and then when we get half way through we finish the second story and then the third story gets finished and then we wrap it up finishing the original story. Did you follow that? No, probably not - Unless you are Crystal because I can almost guarantee she knows what I mean enough to decipher the crazy. That's our deal. She can decipher my crazy and I am her sounding board when she needs a good rant. Its our unwritten rule that is now written... So I guess it's just... fact?

Anyway I am clearly stalling. I will first analyze all the stories and make my choice at the end.

Okay so story one: A Stalker at the Bus Stop - While this sounds crazy, it also sounds vaguely familiar. Although I cannot decide if it was a real thing or just described so well that my stupid overactive imagination just made a little movie of it in my head so now I think it happened. This happens to me OFTEN. I would be a really bad witness to a crime because any leading questions and I would be changing my story as needed. The thing is, I know exactly where Crystal used to have to go to take the bus, and let me tell you it was creepy. It was so strange, she lived in this fancy little artsy neighborhood that was highly desirable by the downtown people but literally on a street perpendicular was this almost ghetto. It was ridiculous. This story I am about to tell you is absolutely true: Crystal got off the bus once and we were talking on the phone so that if any danger should occur I could call the cops, she got around the corner nearing closer to her house and there in the middle of the street was a man standing with what Crystal thought was a gun. She stayed on the phone but I could hear her running and she got to her house super fast. Obviously we can't be sure if it was a real gun or what kind of gun but she thought it was a gun and based on the stories of that area it just might have been. So I am not able to discount this story as crazy just because its extra creepy.

[caption id="attachment_485" align="aligncenter" width="265"]Crystal's alleged attacker in his first  attack. Crystal's alleged attacker in his first attack.[/caption]

Story two: Lost at the Bus Station - (2/3 of your stories involve buses and 3/3 involve travel. Food for thought.) This one probably sounds the most familiar but then again my memory is a weird and dangerous place. You could probably tell me a lie all about the time I went to England and flirted with Prince Harry and I will totally remember it. Before I get confused this did not happen - yet.  Anyway, I know the friend she is referring to and this friend is absolutely the jealous type. Also, it doesn't surprise me that Montreal is all backwards and confusing because I have driven through even their highways away from downtown and they were the most confusing highways I have yet to travel so I can only imagine the terror that is their downtown core.

[caption id="attachment_486" align="aligncenter" width="245"]This is likely how Crystal felt outside of the closed bus station This is likely how Crystal felt outside of the closed bus station[/caption]

Story three: Olympians and Air Travel - I remember you going on this trip. I remember thinking you were nuts. I had never been on a plane (and still didn't go on one for many years after this) but I don't know that I would even be willing to travel on a plane alone at age 25 let alone 12. You were so cool to me in this moment. You went on a plane, you shopped at that giant mall with the water park in it and then you came home all worldly and fancy (nothing says fancy to a 13-year-old like a water slide next to a GAP). However this story of Olympians is no where in my memory. It's possible that you didn't tell me, given that I have little care of sports and even less knowledge. I tried to Google to make sure that snowboarding had become an Olympic sport by then but alas it had. You covered your bases that for sure. The question is why would athletes be on an Edmonton flight in April? I suppose they have lives they could be visiting people. The difference with this story is that you said "It was pretty rad and it’s not something I’m likely to forget." You didn't say this about the others, thereby singling this one out as different. Granted the thing that makes it different is you saying its real but that could be a trap.

[caption id="attachment_488" align="aligncenter" width="500"]THIS IS HARD THIS IS HARD[/caption]


Okay, so for this round of The Lying Game, I am going to pick Story Three: Olympians and Air Travel as the lie. I think that absolutely for sure the bus stop thing would happen and the creepy man at the bus stop sounds too familiar to ignore. I am going to guess that Crystal has yet to meet an Olympian on an airplane and that she just endured any turbulence with silent tears and light sobbing.

So Crystal, let me know how I did. And be gentle with any punishments.


Monday, August 12, 2013

Challenge #3 - The Lying Game

Once again I get to write this post from the hallowed halls of my federal government office. In order to not confuse anyone, the ‘hallowed halls’ I’m speaking of are more or less teeny tiny cubicles in a weirdly temperate, stale-aired office building that was probably built in the late ‘70s. It couldn’t be less hallowed if it tried. I guarantee that any departmental federal government building in this town will be amongst the least venerated structures ever. This of course excludes parliament because it’s a kick ass place with unicorns on the walls.


Challenge #3 recap: "You tell me THREE stories about your life. Three things that happened to you. except one will be not true. THEN when you post that I have to guess which one I think the lie is. If I get it right, all is well. If I get it wrong, you can punish me with a punishment."

The impossible thing about Tanya’s challenge is that she knows pretty much everything about me. Any lie that I would write about myself – Doritos are my favourite snack food – would automatically be picked out of the lineup. This is because Tanya and I are besties. If you’ve ever seen Grey’s Anatomy, she is my person. She is totally who I would call if I needed to drag a body across my living room floor and into my backyard for a clandestine midnight burial. She knows mostly all of my stories, most of my insecurities and my dumb habits that I don’t even think about on a daily basis. That’s not to say all Sneetches are the same, readers. Tanya is a pretty introspective person, and I tend to like a soundboard for all of my problems. That is to say, I complain a lot about everything and Tanya is polite and helps me with problems. I feel like a jerk because she rarely complains about anything except maybe ice cream related things and the lack of food in her house. I don’t count those. Sometimes when we hang out, I learn all kinds of crazy new things about her life, even if she thinks she’s boring. She couldn’t be more awesome and interesting and fun. She’s the best, if you don’t already know. Anyways, we hang out a lot and she knows a lot about me and if we were to go on the Pyramid or the Newlywed Game (best friend edition), I think we’d have a large chance of winning. Don’t bet your mortgage against us, is all I’m saying. I don’t know, maybe Tanya thinks differently.

Back to the challenge: I am going to answer this challenge with three basic sentences; two of which are truths, and the other is a lie. I’m going to make them as difficult as possible so that this will actually present a challenge. Tomorrow, Tanya will guess which one is the lie (and feel free to do the same, guys) and I’ll let her know if she’s right on Wednesday’s post. For the benefit of all blog readers, this will be put under a 'Read More'. So just click the button below and here we go:

Saturday, August 10, 2013

I got Nothing

Hello everyone. Happy weekend!



So I have had a semi-boring week. Not a whole lot happened which is fairly usual. I did get to go see my grandparents which is always super fun. Also got to hang out with Crystal on the holiday Monday which involved us sitting in the same position for about a half a season of Gilmore Girls. Then it re-sparked my addiction and now I can't stop. I need too because its greatly affecting my productivity.

I challenged myself to write 3000 words a day for my novel and have failed massively. Which isn't the end of the world but it is annoying to fail yourself when you aren't doing anything else remotely productive. I should try to go get some writing in now that I have managed to peel myself away from the television. Although I need to go pick up the boy in under an hour.

I mostly just wanted to remind Crystal that she has yet to complete her punishment listed here. 

To make life easier for her here is what it said:

PUNISHMENT#1: For your punishment you can choose between the following:

  • OPTION A- post an photo of yourself as a young lady. It can’t be an adorable picture because we all know you were the cutest child, you would have to post something awkward.

  • OPTION B- you would have to answer the challenge you gave to me (provide 5 memories good/bad and tell us why they are important)

  • OPTION C – take a picture or yourself with a post-it stuck to your forehead that reads as follows: I AM UNTIMELY AND I APOLOGIZE.

So Crystal, you were late (technically you were late twice because I told you to have the punishment up by Monday too but I will let it slide this time) so you need to do your punishment at some point soon. Also don't forget your next challenge Monday -two truths and a lie.

Anyway I am going to attempt to be productive if my lack of attention span can try to focus for a half hour. BYYEE


Friday, August 9, 2013

Friday: Short Story Day!

I don’ t know when I started saying ‘ya’ll’.

As in ‘ya’ll come back now, ya here?’

It kind of makes me feel more country than I actually am. For I, like many faux country girls, grew up in a very nice house that was more ‘suburban’ than ‘farmer’s field’. Despite living across from some very nice people with a petting zoo and a small herd of cattle, I never had to wake up at 5 am for chores, never got stepped on by a cow, never fell in poop. Well, I mean I probably did fall in poop in some point in my life, but I most likely blocked it out of my memory. And it was probably only dog poop. Not ACTUAL farm poop, guys. There’s a difference. Trust me.

Now I’m getting very specific about poop I may or may not have fallen in.

Back to the point, ya’ll. (If you don’t remember, this post was supposed to be about ‘ya’ll’ and not poop at all. God, keep up. I’m concerned for your mental well being, I set the stage like a paragraph ago.)

Anyways, I get all nostalgic for driving past corn fields daily, having more than a quarter acre yard and actually seeing stars when I look up at night, but I really don’t think I was ever country enough for the country. Knowing all the words to most Shania Twain songs does not a country girl make. Jokingly, my friends and I started saying ‘ya’ll’ because we were too ‘valley’ (read: Ottawa valley is a very large and sometimes vague area of country side where trashy girls come from. Like my best friend Kristen. Trashy as they come. Just kidding, Kristen). None of us are real country girls at all, but when we compared ourselves to the city girls we worked with, we didn’t fit into their lives either. It’s how I like to think we became friends. None of us saw the need to wear makeup daily, we didn’t own every Apple product ever made and we found brunch to be an extremely novel and compelling concept. Not to pigeon hole city girls- or country girls for that matter – but at that time we just didn’t feel as fashionable or in the know as these 16 year old girls. We bonded that way; we talked about our field parties, seeing lawn tractors being driven to work, and being stuck at the school for lunch until you were old enough to drive a car. Our memories kind of all meshed together – we shopped at Giant Tiger and getting a Tim Hortons that was a walk-able distance from high school was a big deal. We spoke like country girls and pronounced words wrong. We were hicks who weren’t even farmers. That’s when we started saying ‘ya’ll.’

They stopped when it got old and I just didn’t. I like how it sounded and I liked how much people were taken aback by a simple conjunction.

“Did you just say ya’ll?”

“Yep. You all – ya’ll”

“You know that just shortening it to ‘you’ works just as well? And is less of a grammatical shitfest?”


(And that’s when they would turn skeptically away and retrospectively regret becoming friends with me.)

Also I think it’s hard for me to change sometimes. My friends are now the penultimate city girls: one is a hairstylist, who rocks everything she wears and has tried every health and nature related product on the market. She's like my inspiration to keep going on. The other is super fashionable, outgoing and a total closet nerd. Sometimes when I look at her, I realize what an introvert I really am. I guess I’ve changed too. I’m not the same girl who went to a country high school and played the flute in band. I’m definitely not the depressed girl who started at her first retail job and barely left her house. I’m like some kind of weird monster. I like keeping inside jokes and I like being country. I also like pretending that I can dress myself well and speak with profound intelligence. It is not a regular occurrence, but it happens sometimes, ok?  Country and city combined was my point. I’m 23 years old and still trying to find myself, but at least I know that I never want to let go of some parts of the girl who lived across from the petting zoo. The good parts. The parts that say ‘ya’ll’ and get excited about Tim Hortons.

Thursday, August 8, 2013

And now I am afraid of the flu

So Crystal meant to add the following into her post yesterday. She had emailed me my challenge early so I would have time to actually do it because she knew she was going to be posting a bit late last night. Here's the challenge:


 Just emailing you Challenge #2 because you wanted prep time. I know that by the time I get home from work and write out my BSB challenge it will be pretty late. I know that the boy (do you put names in blogs? I never remember) loves Discovery Channel and this has inspired this week’s challenge. Shark Week started on August 4th this year– and hopefully is still running by the time you post this. All I’m asking for are 3 cool facts about sharks – actual cool facts. Not just some lackadaisical Wikipedia entry stuff, but actual things that make sharks seem less like killing machines. They’re kind of rad, but also make me think my death is imminent every time I step into any kind of water source.  You can also totally any subjective thoughts you have or stories or anything, just make sure you get those facts.  

 For instance, I couldn’t remember the name of the 1999 movie where there are juiced-up sharks in what I thought was a lake, killing people (Deep Blue Sea, with Samuel L Jackson), so I googled ‘Shark in a Lake’. Not to terrify you, but it’s ABSOLUTELY A THING THAT HAS HAPPENED


So as you can see Crystal has challenged me to a bizarre task of researching Sharks. Given that it is Discovery channel's Shark Week the theme seemed to make sense. Crystal wanted me to find you some facts that made it seem like they are not crazy killing machines and less terrifying. Now the problem is, I don't think I can do that. From my research I have concluded that sharks are terrifying and awful and I never ever want to meet one in the wild in my entire life. If it is not behind the safety of a glass tank or a television screen I have no desire to be anywhere near it. Crystal wanted three cool facts so I will try to give them to you based on my entirely reliable internet research that I totally put a lot of time into and checked in encyclopedias and stuff.

  1. Even though almost equal numbers of men and women spend time in the ocean, no one knows why sharks seem to prefer to attack men. In fact, nearly 90% of shark attacks have happened to men.

  2. The empty egg cases of some sharks (such as the dogfish shark) that wash up on seashores are called “mermaid purses.”

  3. Dreaming has been observed in bony fish, but not yet in sharks.

So those are three non-terrifying things about sharks. Granted the first one is still scary for men, but seeing as how I am not a man I have that small comfort to assist me. I find it comical that an empty shark egg would be called a mermaid purse  because I am sure mermaids are a little bit more stylish than that. Could you imagine? A mermaid just swimming around an ocean and being all "Oh my goodness what is this glorious treasure is this?" *picks up eggs* "Why, this would go great with my seashell bra and coral hair accessories!" I guess it's not much different from us humans using alligator skin for our purses right? Do people use eggs for fashion on land?

Anyway so there's something comforting to me about sharks not being able to dream. I feel almost as though they don't deserve it do to the fact that I find them scary. I like dreams (most of the time) last night I had a bunch of them that were all really weird and involving people I haven't seen in a while but they were all fun anyway. I enjoy that a shark isn't allowed to dream. It's a magical place that evil things shouldn't be allowed to do.

So, the thing about this challenge is that now I am terrified of sharks. Not sure that Crystal thought through the act of giving this challenge to someone like me but I expect that I will never go in an ocean again. The thing about these three facts is I had to hunt for through various facts about how evil sharks. Now I know that a sharks bite will cut through steel. Great. There is also one kind of shark that basically cuts holes in its prey. Perfect. tonight when I go to sleep I am going to have a bunch of bad dreams about sharks. Which is the one downside to dreams I guess. If sharks could dream then we could teach them all the terrifying things about me and they could be haunted by the thought of meeting me. Things such as: is crazy, is basically batman in almost every way, can kill a creature with one eye twitch, sneezes fire, you know all those types of things. The most truthful things about myself.

Now that my fear of sharks is poised and heightened, I will give you one bonus fact:

  1. Things we encounter in everyday life and common activities often pose much greater danger than sharks. For example, you are much more likely to be killed by a car or bicycle accident, bee stings, a fall, a mishap with fireworks, or even a bad case of the flu than by a shark attack.

So now I am afraid of dying from the flu. I am legitimately always sick. This is going to a be a rough winter up here in Canada-Land.

Anyway, now I need to think of a new challenge for Crystal.

OKAY GOT IT! (you don't know this but I just sat quietly for five minutes staring at the wall thinking.)

CHALLENGE #3: We are going to play Two Truths and a Lie.

You tell me Three stories about your life. Three things that happened to you. except one will be not true. THEN when you post that I have to guess which one I think the lie is. If I get it right, all is well. If I get it wrong, you can punish me with a punishment. I think it might be best to keep up the whole, pick one of three thing like I gave you but I will leave that to your discretion.

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Challenge #2 - Impossible as it may seem...

Alright guys,

It has been a while since Tanya posted her second official challenge to me so I thought I would sum it up for you. My job this evening (in between making my lunch for work tomorrow and showering) is writing a poignant bio on one of the Backstreet Boys. It's a pretty rad challenge, and I'm totally up to it and we'll see how far I get in the next 34 minutes!

So who will it be?

 (such amazing choreography wow)


I chose our good friend Kevin.
supa hot 2(So attractive- am I right, ladies?)

Why Kevin? He was pretty underrated amongst my group of friends; he was never the Backstreet Boy you'd want to take to the preteen dance with you, that's for sure. I felt he needed some encouragement.
not kevin richardson(Even Google forgets him - This is the Kevin Richardson that came up first on Google. I was confused when they mentioned Kevin was a zoologist.)


Kevin Richardson, now 41, of Kentucky joined the Backstreet Boys in 1993 and recorded five albums with the group over a period of 13 years (now Backstreets back - alright - with another album this year I guess). When he joined the group was short a member, so he petitioned his cousin, Brian, to audition for the role and join them in their quest to be sensational pop stars.

cousins wtf

("haha! As if we're related!")

They became ridiculously popular and blah blah blah I didn't really research their discography, but like... Me and my friends totally loved them and there were lots of people at their concerts and things so it's fine. Kevin recalls the time fondly, stating: "we had tons of bras and panties thrown on stage and stuffed animals, and it's frustrating sometimes; we've slipped and fell..."

Media was all about the boy bands back then, my friends. Publicizing the constant rivals and finding out the inner most desires of each band member was every journalist's dream job (I'm kidding don't sue me).
bsb vs nsync(Colour coordination always wins out.)

In fact, People magazine listed Kevin as one of their 'Dreamboats' of the year (With a two page spread. Suck on that, Nick), prompting him to say "People [the magazine] call me the sexiest pop star alive." More hilariously, the New York Times deemed Mr. Richardson the group's "most likely future male model."

"supa hot 3 sexy
(Obviously they missed Howie's AB roll in the Quit Playing Games With My Heart music video)

Kevin did give up his position in the Backstreet Boys in 2006 because he "didn't feel inspired" to perform anymore. Obviously, in the past  he was incredibly inspired to tell the world to get down and move it all around. He returned to the band "full time" in April 2012, and I'm sure everyone is super psyched to have him back (except Nick, who he is rumored to be fighting with).

Ok. Ok. It's not all awkward nostalgia. Researching this particular Backstreet Boy was more fun than I thought it would be. Kevin actually plays instruments - piano, drums and guitar - and in 2003 he composed the soundtrack for the movie 'the Spirit Bear', which Wikipedia said was due out in 2010. He also performed multiple times as the ingenious Billy Flynn in Chicago on Broadway (as well as multiple tour locations). He acted briefly and won an Independent Spirit award for his work. He was Punk'd by Ashton Kutcher that one time. And because everything is connected to Disney in the pop world, Kevin used to work at Walt Disney World in Florida as a costume character. He was most notably Aladdin and one of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. He now has two kids and a lovely wife and he's touring and it's great and stuff.


Fun extras!

Favourite Music Video:

BSB on Sabrina the Teenage Witch:

Kevin Richardson getting Punk'd:


Shopping is Best When Done in the Comfort of Your Sweatpants!