Monday, September 30, 2013

Best Friend Tag - That Poor Squirrel Edition

OK! So lots of quizes lately, I know, but it's a fun way to get to know Tanya and I. And you get to see what terrible friends we are to one another. For instance, in this recent post I realized I had no idea who Liz Merriweather is, nor why Tanya would want to be her. It totally makes sense, of course. I'm just an idiot. THAT'S ALL *hearty laugh* Tanya on the other hand did extremely well on her half of the best-friends-newlywed-game and I'm sure that she would be given a new 2002 Cadillac as a prize or something. Very well. I am a terrible friend, that's all. Tanya is great.

So here is one more quiz to prove how little I know about my best friend whom I love and adore and think the world of (please still talk to me):

  1. How/When did you meet? The year: 1972. The place: A board room. Seven people in wheelchairs sit at a circular conference table with an unlabeled pop can in front of them. They are told to take a sip and to describe the effects the soda has on their tastebuds. Miraculously, they all get up. Many a cured person tweeted in joy. Thus, 7UP had a name. (I don't know probably at Oma's house for family dinner when we were both still in onesies)

  2. What is your favorite memory of them? I still think fondly of both stories that Tanya mentioned last week. I'm trying to come up with another one. This is so damn hard. Because I have excellent memories of a lot of times and they all jumble. Like Christmas Eves? Oh and the Wonderland Trips. Playing Mary Kate and Ashley in the basement, or James Bond with Kris and Sandy. Days at the Richmond house where we would just watch a season of Greys and chat. Halloweens. Me teaching her how to make Ginger cookies and then her freaking out that your hands have to go into eggs. Russell Fair weekends with the girls. Burgers. Pizza nights. That time we went to see that Mel Gibson movie and the theatre was empty except us. Gym days. Every day. Seriously. I talk to her sometimes and it just makes my day better because we're hilarious. If I had to choose one, it would probably be the experience of writing Fierce for Sandy. It was a labor of love and sugar. We weren't even Christmas shopping yet because it was still early, but we were wandering around the mall and went into Home Sense and there stood this ridiculous horse. Anyways, Tanya ended up going back for it because we came up with this nonsensical back story which ended up being told in a book. We sat in my Glebe apartment until 4am one time just laughing our asses off about the possibilities of TAaalKIngg LiiiiiiikE tHIs in A TeEEXT. It perfectly demonstrates how freaking nuts we are when we are together.

  3. Describe her in one word: myperson fits perfectly. I could also describe her as Thatshortonewhoiscreativeasalleff

  4. What is Tanya's dream job? She'd be an emmy winning sitcom writter of a hilarious comedy that everyone loved. They'd be the new Frasier of award nights.

  5. What is her favourite makeup brand? ohhhh jeeze. Ok well I know that she likes Benefit when we creep around Sephora . Otherwise Maybelline? I know she likes their mascaras (because they are great)

  6. What annoys me about her? Her complaining about me being late lol. I do not have a car and the OC transpo is not my friend. I'm either 20 minutes early or 20 minutes late. All the time. Everytime. If anything, I'm annoyed by my own place of residence because it's never convienent for her and I swear to god it's the most frustrating thing trying to park downtown.

  7. If you could go anywhere in the world together where would you go? K well Tanya's champagne birthday = HP world for sure. I've been trying to find a good deal on a hotel for the past two weeks and I think Christmas = good deals? No? Suggestions anyone? OTHERWISE anywhere. Tanya would make anywhere fun. I think mostly I want to go to England with her and show her all the pretty things and the hills and stuff. She'd like it there.

  8. Favourite inside joke? Clicked like a South African. That poor squirrel. Dancing Pope. T-Pain. Cool Rider - so many to choose from.

  9. Who takes longer to get ready? The hair puts it past the mark. The answer is Tanya. I take way longer in dressing rooms because I make outfits, but I generally plan what I'm going to wear while I'm trying to sleep the night before. 15 minutes out of the shower and I'm good to go.

  10. Heels or Flats? Predominantly flats, but I love all of the heels she owns. She picks good shoes.

  11. Pants or dresses? Generally black pants but she looks so adorable in dresses that I can't even...

  12. Favourite animal? Monkeys because they're smart. She's an animal person... She has a lot of elephant stuff too because elephants are great and thennn also dogs because girl's best friend

  13. If her house was burning down what would she save? I laughed so hard at the truth in Tanya's answer. As long as her dogs were out, I think she'd save her photos? Is that a thing that is possible? She'd just grab all the photos.

  14. Comedy, Horror or Chick Flick? Comedy or chick flick woohoo

  15. Favourite movie? uuuuuuuhhhhmmmmm oh god. Grease 2. I'm sticking with that.

  16. Favourite TV Show? FRIENDS or How I Met Your Mother or New Girl.  Also Gilmore girls and greys and now she seems to be addicted to SHIELD too. Wide range.


Et voila! Complete! :D

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Caps Lock Makes it REAL


Crystal! You did pretty good! Also because they are the hardest questions ever because I am an asshole like that. I will totally try to do yours and then hate myself for sucking at it. First to score yours!

  1. Chandler-> You are right! I said Chandler because he is the sarcastic one who is a mess 99% of the time.

  2. BooBoo? –You had it in your secondary answers. I picked Bo because he is the king of all dogs. I did consider both Fez and BooBoo but Bo was just the tops. 

  3. Jennifer Lawrence?--She was my original choice, but then in my head I was all "Oh god I don't want to mess up her career, I can't act as good as her" So instead I went with someone (this is the one I changed my answer in my notebook long before she posted this) who I guess may not be considered a celebrity so thats not fair. Liz Meriweather - she is the genius behind New Girl. I would love to be in the writers room for that show. Like super crazy much.

  4. Mario Party? I should have picked Mario Party, you see I went for depth of the game. If I had to play the same game forever I don't know if MP would satisfy all my needs. It probably would... althoguh my hand may end up being all gross and blistered. I picked Lego HP but if I could make it both games so years 1-7. That way its an enormous game with lots of fun things to do. So I guess I cheated again. I Ginger Blazerfield didn't say no cheating.

  5. A plane ticket to HP World? Oh man this was close! I did have plane ticket but I went a bit farther and went to europe.

  6. Elephant? I totally had elephant. I had puppy sized elephant to be specific *nerdfighterssign* and then I stupidly said a small sized chimp. But now I am thinking even if the chimp stayed small it would still age and once a chimp is like 2 years old they get highly agressive. So I want to go back to puppy sized elephant because how awesome would that be.

  7. You don't have to know everything? Super close! I said I would go back to high school and tell myself not to stop writing because I hated my writing teacher. Also I think I would have pushed it a lot more then not gone for photography and maybe taken writing courses instead.

  8. Eating and Procrastinating/mess? I would like to stop both of these but instead I went for a more weird thing of picking at my nails 

  9. Anxiety? That would have been a smarter answer then what I said. This is where I put that I wish I weren't so messy.

  10. Ability to be on time? For sure 100% this.

So you got 2 absolutely correct, and then 4 basically so right that I will give them to you, and four that were still right but not as I answered. Tricky game though !

Now I shall answer back about you. I will get them all the twenty kinds of wrong.

  1. If Crystal was a character from FRIENDS, who would she be? – This is tricky. She does like museums like Ross... and clothes like Rachel... but shes funny like Chandler. Hmm. I think I would put it as a mix of all three? You probably would cheat like me on this and use tricky answers. 

  2. If Crystal could bring back any pet from the dead and have it live for the rest of her life as a healthy age (not old and broken) which past pet would she bring back? – Simba. Because Simba rocks.

  3. Which celebrity would Crystal trade lives with for one year?-- I might think she may pick Jennifer Lawrence. Or maybe whoever Henry Cavill is dating right now.

  4. If Crystal was told she could only play one video game for the rest of her life, which would she pick (any system)? — Mario Party because she is smarter than me.

  5. If Crystal won $5000 and was forced to buy something instead of paying bills, what would she buy? — She might either take a trip or just flee to BC and buy a dog. Or she might just buy all the shoes. lol.

  6. If Crystal could have one wild animal as a pet (size can be modified to better fit in a house) what would she get? — Puppy sized Elephant? Shes been a nerd fighter since 2007 it seems appropriate.

  7. If Tanya could go back in time and tell herself one thing, what age would she go to and what would she tell herself? – She might go back and say to stay at her job at the museum she worked at in high school. Because that's more experience and might help her now. Or maybe she would talk to her high school self and just say - its okay to not know whats going on but it'll be okay one day, also, your BFF Tanya just gets EVEN MORE AWESOME every year so at least you have that to look forward to. (amiright?)

  8. What irritating habit does Crystal have that she wants to stop? — Procrastinating? That or being late. they kind of fit together. I am noticing now that this question is basically the same as the next question

  9. If Tanya could change one non-physical-appearancey thing about herself, what would she change? — Anxiety. - same answer for you my dear

  10. If Crystal could change one thing about Tanya, what would she change? — She would probably change me into a tortoise or something. No I am just kidding obviously. She would probably ... hmm. She might make me perhaps smarter/more intellectual so I could have more interesting opinions on the things she likes? Or she might just make me less crazy so I would pester her about stupid things less.

Sooo.. How did I do?!

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Challenge: Game show hosts are all secretly robots

You TOTALLY thought that I would forget, didn't you?

Well, ha. I did. And now it's quarter to midnight and I'm rushing to get this done because CAPS LOCK means business.

Below you will find my answers to the best-friend newlywed game hosted by our own fictitious Ginger Blazerfield *wink* (TM).  I left these for a really long time, so I don't know if Tanya has changed her answers or if she even remembers that I need to do this or not. Actually that is a lie. I know Tanya has changed her answers, as she told me she wanted to literally 20 minutes after she posted the original questions. So to wrap up: quick post. Superhero marriage proposal on Friday (I'm counting this as my Wednesday post) and then everything will be hunky dory.


  1. If Tanya was a character from FRIENDS, who would she be? -- This is a trick question because Tanya has traits from all the characters. But if I went with my knee-jerk reaction, it would be Chandler.

  2. If Tanya could bring back any pet from the dead and have it live for the rest of her life as a healthy age (not old and broken) which past pet would she bring back? --Uhm crap. Dude, this is both horrifying and difficult. BooBoo the boxer? I know he wasn't your pet per se, but you're an animal person and you freaking love everything to death. Bo, Fez, Dusty, Aspen, Squee, Magoo, etc. Hard to choose one. You're mean.

  3. Which celebrity would Tanya trade lives with for one year?--Jennifer Lawrence. (runners up: whoever is dating Chris Evans/Pine right now)

  4. If Tanya was told she could only play one video game for the rest of her life, which would she pick (any system)? -- I should hope that she would choose Mario Party because of our history at being awesome at Mario Party. (runners up: Lego Batman 2 for the talking parts and the less annoying camera angles, Lego Harry Potter and Katamari)

  5. If Tanya won $5000 and was forced to buy something instead of paying bills, what would she buy? -- A plane ticket and an all inclusive stay at Harry Potter World? (runners up: world peace, a bulldog, aaannnd lots of roots sweatpants because they're cozy as all eff. I'm wearing roots sweatpants right now)

  6. If Tanya could have one wild animal as a pet (size can be modified to better fit in a house) what would she get? -- Elephant. A teeny tiny elephant. (runners up: monkey, house hippo, fierce)

  7. If Tanya could go back in time and tell herself one thing, what age would she go to and what would she tell herself? -- Probably to her back at the end of grade twelve to tell herself that she doesn't have to have it all together. Or the same thing during her first year of college. I remember sitting with her at her kitchen table and she had two different programs in mind and we kind of pro/con'd them for a while and I think it was just so much pressure to choose *something* that she ended up hating what she did choose for a while. I'm glad she started kind of taking pictures again because she's hella talented. Read my letter of reference if you don't believe me. (runner up: go back to when she was like 7 and tell young Tanya to NOT run in front of the mattress *just yet* in order to avoid the screw driver Kris was throwing at her eye)

  8. What irritating habit does Tanya have that she wants to stop? -- lol the only one I can think of is eating KD. But it's so delicious. (runners up: piling stuff in her office and leaving it there forever and not writing when she means to ie: procrastinating)

  9. If Tanya could change one non-physical-appearancey thing about herself, what would she change? -- Anxiety.

  10. If Tanya could change one thing about Crystal, what would she change? -- Absolutely nothing because she's perfect. Honestly? Ability to be on time for sure. I suck at that. Or my penchant for calling everyone Dude.


TANYA'S CHALLENGE: Tell me my score AND answer the same questions for me. My answers have been written down in my agenda and I am stoked to see what you think.





A Letter Of Recommendation

To whom it may concern,

I have known Tanya R. for 23 years and can attest to her ability to outperform any candidate you may have considered for this position. I am writing to offer my highest recommendation to Ms. R, a cherished friend and trusted advisor. She would be well suited for the position of “Highest Grossing Fiction Writer Ever”, as demonstrated by her past achievements, as well as her personal aspirations.

Tanya’s creative nature is arguably amongst the finest in the world. Her ability to circumvent expectation and pursue unusually twisted plots allows her to fully explore all expects of her own imagination. She gains inspiration from self reflection and occurrences in her own life which she subsequently transforms into a story of epic proportions. People of all ages are oftentimes in awe of her stories; they are thrilling and present such inherently human characterizations that each one proves hard to put down. She cares about each person she fabricates which is demonstrated through her background knowledge for even the most tertiary character in her story. This is also a testament to her organizational skills. Suffice to say, she’s got them.

Her creativity has been present throughout her life, though released through a variety of outlets, such as stenciling, dancing, painting, drawing, playing music and paper crafts. These artistic vehicles have effectively produced a well rounded yet freethinking adult. Tanya is able to communicate through these each of these art forms in a playful manner, though at the same time, she elicits a deeper emotion. Not to sound too overwrought, Tanya s able to visualize her own story so thoroughly that she could create an entire world in a matter of minutes if she so chose.

Tanya’s own trials have offered a lot to her creativity as well. Though she is generally introverted, she comes alive when talking about writing and art. She considers each aspect of criticism and is extremely self aware of her writing style. During the time I’ve known her, Tanya continues to develop and improve in her artistic endeavors. Her own experiences translate beautifully into a world of fantasy and her imagination does not often seem hyperbolic. Until you meet the talking horses, that is. Compared to other young writers her age, she is a hard worker and understands the challenges of her professional field. Despite her incredibly busy schedule, Tanya continues to remember her life goals. She deserves success more than anyone I’ve ever met.

Her writing has always been entertaining and witty, as she is in life. She is caring and does not easily judge. She helps others make improvements in their own lives and her work ethic is undeniably strong. I could go on and on about her qualifications for this position, but I would then have to write a novel myself. I have no doubts that her abilities and determination will continue to grow. I am happy to advocate for Ms. R and I hope that this letter helped you to make an informed decision to accept her for this position.

If you have any further questions, feel free to contact me.

Crystal P


You guys - I suck. I know that. I've been all over the place lately and way too busy to write. Actually, the only thing I have writen lately is a recommendation letter for myself on behalf of an old prof... I'm waiting for her to proofread it, guys, I'm not just going to put words into someones mouth. How dare you and your implications! Anyways... I got Tanya to read over my letter about how great I was so that I didn't sound way too over the top and then she said: "Uhh that letter is fricken amazing... I want you to write me daily letters so I feel competant." And it made me sad because she is MORE than competant, am I right, folks? So that's how this happened. And it's just a first draft! Too many commas and not enough good stuff. Needs to be more flow. I don't know.

And so to finish this off: things are happening and there's lots of ... stuff and things. My life is busy and I might be doing more stuff and things soon so I can't promise that I'm going to be on here regularly. It's totally fine because Tanya's the better one anyways. That's all I really want to say. BUT I WILL DO THE BEST FRIEND GAME SHOW CHALLENGE TONIGHT. Capslock makes it real.

<3 xx



Sunday, September 22, 2013

Best Friend Tag

Good Afternoon folks!

Today is Sunday the somethingth and I have just cleaned my office. I not only cleaned off my desk but I took out my broken filing cabinet and also cleaned my bookshelves and rearranged them to better display dorky things. You see the key to having me clean is to trap me in my house without the ability to leave. The Bell people are supposed to swing by and take care of my phone line but I suspect they wont be here until 4:55pm and then will tell me they want to charge me $300 to fix it. Which I don't want. That would suck all the things.

So what is going on? Nothing really.. I recently watched a YouTube video that went through "The Best Friend Tag" and decided that I would do that as a challenge to myself. Very similar to the newly wed game I made for Crystal except that I don't have to think up any more questions.

SO LET'S DO THIS! All the answers are about Crystal and I didn't think of them so if they aren't as super awesome as the questions I thought up, its not my fault. You will just have to wait patiently until Crystal has a chance to write her responses.

  1. How/When did you meet? No idea, I assume some time after she was birthed when I was 1.5 I would think we would have been placed near each other.

  2. What is your favorite memory of them? So many to choose from. I can't really pick a favorite, but way up there was the time that Crystal, myself and our friend Adrian were at her house playing the Sims. I had just passed my G1 (in Ontario they make you take 10000 tests before you are allowed to drive) and then it was also near Christmas. We were in Crystal's room on her computer when she decided that she had waited long enough and she wanted to snoop in the bag of presents in her parents room. Me, loving Christmas and surprises wrestled her to the ground and we continued fighting while Adrian sat at the computer completely ignoring our screams for help as he called out "How do I make them move?" (referring to the characters in the game). It was great. Also more recently I would say True American and Comicon. Getting to meet Burt Ward with my best friend by my side keeping me from imploding was the best ever.

  3. Describe her in one word: myperson. It counts as as one if there are no spaces.

  4. What is Crystal's dream job? She would work in a museum in England of Chicago probably. She would be the super fancy marketing person who made museums more popular

  5. What is her favourite makeup brand? I think she likes stuff from sephora but I really don't know much about makeup to know brands. I am sure her favourite is something super fancy adn expensive that neither of us could afford just look at from a safe distance.

  6. What annoys me about her? I dislike when she is late. But she always feels bad so then I feel bad about being annoyed so its very bad all around.

  7. If you could go anywhere in the world together where would you go? Well other than our awesome adventure we will do next year to mother F*!#$% Harry Potter World, I really want to do like a 2-3 week adventure to Europe. I want to go to England, Scotland, Ireland, France, Italy, Holland. So we might need more then 2 weeks. But it has to happen.

  8. Favourite inside joke? Clicked like a South African.

  9. Who takes longer to get ready? Umm... I would say me. My hair is essentially an entire being on its own so if we were going to go somewhere and actually try to look nice I take longer. I think if its just like, every day stuff, judging by the time she takes in trying on clothes, it would probably be her. Only because she actually puts effort into outfits and stuff. I just grab one super hero shirt and black pants and pretend I am an adult.

  10. Heels or Flats? I think she wears flats more but she can walk better in heels then me by far.

  11. Pants or dresses? Depends on the season. She looks super good in dresses and has several. But we live in Canada and need to be realistic. Although Tights are a magical thing. I am learning from Crystal and started wearing dresses all the time because of the new job, and now I see why she does it. Very comfy once you get used to it.

  12. Favourite animal? I am going to go with dogs because she really wants one.

  13. If her house was burning down what would she save? Honestly she would probably have to save Kris because he sleeps through everything and wouldn't wake up

  14. Comedy, Horror or Chick Flick? I think depending on the day she could watch any of these things. Usually together we watch comedy or chick flick because my crazies can't handle horror.

  15. Favourite movie? Maybe Singing in the Rain, but I am not 100% sure :S

  16. Favourite TV Show? Maybe West Wing or Gilmore Girls. She also likes New Girl. I don't know her absolute favoruite thoguh, I think she also watches game of thrones but I am not super sure. Sorry Crystal, we just talked about this I just forget :(

Anyways, my phone is now fixed! Not that anyone ever calls my home phone to talk to me, but it does mean I can use it sometimes to call companies that I don't want to waste my minutes on.

I also noticed there are no pictures of me on this blog that weren't drawn, not that this will change but here is a picture I found while cleaning of Crystal and I probably 19-20 years ago! Please not the food on my face (the one on the right) and the snot on Crystal's nose (obviously the one on the left)



Monday, September 16, 2013

Grampie is now Sean Connery

You know that annoying moment when you write half a post and then your computer shuts off without explanation? Stupid technology.


Not too long ago now I was given the challenge to write a movie very loosely based on my life. I did. I also had to cast the people who would play my friends, family and myself. I did that also. I only had one complaint on casting. (Granted not all of them read this). So now, Grampie will be played by Sean Connery. We wil think of a new origin story of the grandparents relationship because I don't think we can play off Sean's lovely accent as being Canadian.

So I have been mostly absent for a while. That is because I have been both extremely busy and even more lazy. I have been running around like a crazy working on some stuff that I don't feel like explaining right now because it still doesn't sound like a real thing that can happen to someone like me. Also because I don't know how to process it because its too much for someone with my brain capacity. But I will say its going well and so far it is fun enough!

I have not been writing though and that bothers me. I haven't really had the time but I need to make it because writing is the most important thing short of making sure the animals eat because otherwise they die and then thats no good for anyone.

But you know what, Crystal owes me a punishment. I missed Thursday without even an attempt to get a challenge. So Crystal: you get to think up a punishment for my untimelyness. I know you are crazy busy and hardly have time to sleep but whenever you get the chance. I think after this one maybe we will establish a temporary hold on challenges until your schedule calms down a bit so you can actually participate. Its not as much fun to do challenges if I don't get to read answers every Monday. Still though, I really want to see if you can get the answers to the ones from before so whenever you feel like doing them do it!

What else is happening...... uuuhhhm. I have a hilarious video but I don't think I am allowed to put it online because Dave will get super upset. Essentially he is outrun by the pug. and then he falls. Classic.

Oh sweet jesus my computer shut down AGAIN. I apparently cant move the chair because it will hit the desk and shut the computer down some how. Luckily this time it seems to have save its all. I think I will quite while I am ahead and run away.

Leave a comment on what you want me to talk about until Crystal comes back!

Monday, September 9, 2013

“I have spilt my latte on my cardigan”

Notes for Tanya: This is a thing I wrote last week at work. Sorry it's so long. I will do my superhero boyfriends and gameshow challenge when I can, but I work tonight too. I feel terrible because I can't keep up to your schedule. I've only got like 20 hours at Retailland this week so it should lend more time to posting. One or the other will be posted tonight. If you want two challenges this week to make up for your lack of challenge last week, let me know. Anyways... here's the post.

The title above is an actual text that I sent to Tanya last Monday afternoon.

Context: I was extremely excited to get a Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte (The first of the year! Yum!), and was on my way back to the office when I decided to hold onto to the top of my coffee cup with my teeth as I opened the door. The rest is pretty self explanatory. Don’t ask why I did this. I completely disregarded all safety precautions that are bolded on the bottom of each Starbucks take-away coffee cup. I feel dumb even talking about it. My cardigan will never be the same.


[caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="400"] NB: It is not advised to pumpkin spice cardigans.[/caption]


Resolution: I will never try to hold a coffee cup with my teeth ever again… or at least until next time I have to go through a door.


Thursday, September 5, 2013


Hi guys!

So its thursday, AKA - Tanya's challenge day. But you see I have no challenge. Crystal will still be posting of course but she works too much and too often and I keep making the mistake of making challenges that are too long and involved.

So note for Crystal: On the That's what she said challenge I would like to offer you the opportunity to only have to pick  5 out of the 10 questions that are there. Then I will just save the other 5 for a punishment or something. I forgot the challenge before what it was so I don't know if it can be lessened. But any answers are better than no answers!

So I don't really know what to do today... I guess I could self-challenge.... but I can barely think of challenges for Crystal let alone challenges for myself.

This weeks Challenge for Crystal is to complete her overdue challenges. If she completes them both by Monday I will wave the one punishment she should get from missing this monday. Sound fair to everyone?

Anyway, its late and I am exhausted from working all day so I am off to bed!

Goodnight and DFTBA!

Sunday, September 1, 2013

Challenge #6: That's What She Said

Thinking up challenges is hard, especially when I have to think up punishments too. Jeepers.

Anyway, challenge the sixth time will be a two parter! Well I guess three including this.


Well, let's go back to pre-part one: THE EXPLANATION!

What we are going to do is a buddy version of the Newlywed Game. I am going to ask a few questions and Crystal will answer based on how she thinks I would answer about myself. Make sense? Does anything I say? Okay, further explanation needed, say I ask "I would describe my height as..." then Crystal would answer "Short" and I would then later reveal my answer as "Short" and then she gets a point. If she gets it wrong, no point. If she gets enough points then something will happen. I haven't decided what yet. And to make it very fair I will write down my answers as I make up the questions so that I don't change them based on her answers. And if you still don't trust me I can email them to Sandy so she can verify them as honest if need be.

So are we ready to question Crystal about her knowledge of me!? (PS: To be completely honest I would be so bad at this game if I had to answer the questions about anyone else, Crystal will probably kill it.)

First, lets introduce our host, Ginger Blazerfield!

gingerblazerfieldGinger, please begin.

Alright Tanya! Welcome to our new (not so original) game that we will call "THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID"! Here are the questions for Crystal to answer based on how she believes Tanya would answer! Crystal should provide a small insight into her reasoning for the answers with each decision. Let's begin,

  1. If Tanya was a character from FRIENDS, who would she be?

  2. If Tanya could bring back any pet from the dead and have it live for the rest of her life as a healthy age (not old and broken) which past pet would she bring back?

  3. Which celebrity would Tanya trade lives with for one year?

  4. If Tanya was told she could only play one video game for the rest of her life, which would she pick (any system)?

  5. If Tanya won $5000 and was forced to buy something instead of paying bills, what would she buy?

  6. If Tanya could have one wild animal as a pet (size can be modified to better fit in a house) what would she get?

  7. If Tanya could go back in time and tell herself one thing, what age would she go to and what would she tell herself?

  8. What irritating habit does Tanya have that she wants to stop?

  9. If Tanya could change one non-physical-appearancey thing about herself, what would she change?

  10. If Tanya could change one thing about Crystal, what would she change?

Crystal, please answer all questions on Monday with your reasoning. Remember, answer the questions how you think Tanya would answer, not how you would answer. Tanya has asked me to remind you that you still owe us a challenge regarding the marriageability of a superhero. Until next time, I am Ginger Blazerfield and this was That's What She Said.

Thank you Ginger, that was great. Anyway, that is our new game. Feel free to play along in the comments! Although, don't answer for how you think I would answer because then you are giving hints to Crystal, you can take these questions and play yourself with a partner if you like! Good luck Crystal!

Friday, August 30, 2013

Punishment #2 - apologetic selfies

Hey all,

It's hella storming right now so I hope that my internet doesn't decide to crash when I try to post this. It is a new-suburb level of precariousness that I have not live with since we moved to the Bay. At least we get high speed here. Ok... enough small talk. I have a punishment to get done, and Freddy only knows how much I dislike posting selfies on the internet. I only do it if I *really* like a picture. And it's not often that I do. As promised:



And catbug for cutness:


I never have technology with a good camera. Figures.

<3 Crystal


Thursday, August 29, 2013

Top Notch Interview

okay so Crystal just texted me my challenge at 11 pm. I think that having it done by midnight is not overly likely but on the record its 11:23 pm and I am starting so no punishment needed.

She challenged me to find four celebrity interviews of 4 different celebrities that I like. See I have a lot of favourites because for some reason I just spend all my time watching interviews. Who knows why, its just what I do.

Okay so I have been searching for one particular video for like ten minutes and its no where to be found on youtube which is the dumbest thing I have ever heard. Also, how in goodness' name do I even put youtube videos in this contraction. Damn I have no clue.

Maybeeeee I found it.

OKAY! We are in business.

To start, this is just a short clip of the How I met Your Mother cast where Neil Patrick Harris leaves in the middle of the interview to go pee. Classic.

This video is Will Smith and his kid and then they start singing. Sounds iffy, but stay invested because a very special guest or two from one of the best shows ever join in and its amazing.

The first part of this. Jennifer Lawrence is the best. She meets Jack Nicholson and hilarity ensues. Essentially she asks to be his girlfriend and then fangirls over him. Love it.

Grammie and Grampie, maybe don't watch this one. This is Russell Brand. He is so funny in interviews. Him plus Craig Ferguson whom I love, it just is so fast and so crazy and so strange.

BONUS VIDEO! I love these two girls. They sing songs on Ellen and she sends them to all the red carpets to interview people. This one I enjoy because Chris Pine. That's enough of a reason right?

BAM. Challenge done! 12:05 but I am giving myself that becuase come on. Also I had to find a button thing to add youtube videos.

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Punishment #2

So as it is Tuesday and Crystal has not yet responded to my Challenge it seems as though I need to now think of a punishment. This is a challenge. For me I mean. You see its tricky enough to think of the challenges let alone bonus punishments. So here is how it will work this time. (Also this post is going to be brief because I am tired and want sleep).

Last time I gave Crystal the choice between three punishments which was lovely. So we are going to do that again.

Please complete one of the following punishments THIS WEEK to make up for missing your day on Monday. Please note you still have to do your Monday challenge also.

  • OPTION A - Tell one embarrassing story about your self from Middle School ages (11-13) CANNOT INVOLVE TANYA.

  • OPTION B- you would have to answer the most recent challenge you gave to me (Super Power Choice)

  • OPTION C – take a picture or yourself with a post-it stuck to your forehead that reads as follows: I AM UNTIMELY AND I APOLOGIZE.

So now we get to look forward to Crystal completing this as well as her Monday challenge. To be fair she is the one who said I would need to punish her because she was too busy for Monday's post. So really she should get a pass but she wanted the punishment so here it is. I am going to go for the evening. Because its almost tomorrow.

Anyways Crystal, thank you so much for the blog-style birthday card. I loved it! I will be posting a picture perhaps Thursday or Saturday to show off the gifts you made me. People need to know how amazing you are. And, if you are sad about your punishment, just be glad your not Dobby the House Elf and that you don't have to iron your hands when you misbehave. post-its and stories not looking so bad eh?

Monday, August 26, 2013

Tanya, it's your birthday.

Good morning, world.

Today is my best friend's 25th birthday

This means that this (late) post will be a gif set in tribute to her awesomeness. Mostly because she deserves it, but partly because I didn't post on Friday and I'm semi terrified of Tanya's wrath. As she has a great many powers that she has cultivated from her grammie. Mainly, the death glare - it is really scary, guys.

So, Tanya. I know you a little better than to expect you to wake up like this:


how i metyour mother lily birthday himym how i met your mother


But you should still be pumped up, dear girl, because your birthday is an important opportunity for celebrations! Or at least fun gif sets! So gather your F.R.I.E.N.D.S.;

Get the music pumping;


And take Lydia Bennet's advice:


I know I didn't make you ginger cookies, and you don't like cake. Would you partake in a birthday cupcake if a certain special someone made them for you?





birthday - death eaters



No? Well that's all good, I don't want you to get all world-domination-y on me anyways. Just remember you don't have to have everything figured out, aside from our trip to Harry Potter world next year. Not every one has to be as anal as Paris:


So happy 25th, darling. I will obviously be texting you throughout the day, but I thought this would be an excellent way to really express how happy I am that we're friends and that you're having to deal with all this aging stuff before me so that you can let me know what to do lol.



Extra bonus gif:

Thursday, August 22, 2013

Inconvenient Super Skillz

This Mustache Wizard is quite the little weirdo isn't he? He fits right in with our Attack Squirrel and Toilet Penguins.

This is a tricky challenge for sure. I am sure normal people often think about becoming a super hero and I am WAY beyond normal so it is literally one of my top recurring thoughts.

Tanya's Top Recurring Thoughts:

  1. Where can I get Ice Cream

  2. I wish I were a super hero

  3. (If I am not wearing Sweatpants) I wish I were in my sweatpants

  4. (If I am wearing sweatpants) Man I love sweatpants

So it's a good thought process constantly forming around being super. I have often thought about what powers I would want, how I would use them, and even sometimes how I would have come to develop them. Would I be like Batman/Batgirl/Robin who are all normal people with too much money and athletic ability so they beat up criminals after training for years? Would I be bitten by some radioactive spider? Would I be given a super serum that makes me grow two feet and become super attractive and bad ass while still maintaining my short person attitudes? Would I find out that I was a mutant and had these powers all along but didn't know how to use them? So many options and origin potentials. Mustache Wizard, now that has not been done yet. Maybe... Unless you count Dumbledore who kind of makes Harry into a super hero sort of by being all "FIND THE HOROCRUX HARRY!" and then dying so that Harry HAS to find the horocrux(s? what is the plural of horocrux? J.K Rowling, little help?) because otherwise hes going back on a dead man's last wish and that would be rude. MOVING ON!

Okay so if you are lost, Crystal challenged me to pick between the three faulty super powers that the Mustache Wizard was looking to grant me. Are you following now? As a reminder if you don't want to read the whole thing these are my three options:

1. You can become invisible. It’s not at will and no one is quite sure how it is triggered, no one knows when it ends. You can’t go through walls, people can still hear you when you speak/move/pass gas.

2.  You can hear people’s thoughts. Rules: it can’t be turned on or off at will, they have to be within a 50 meter radius of you and you will hear every thought. Keep in mind that most people don’t think through everything they are doing, aren’t serious about everything they think and their minds are most likely in the gutter more than half the time.

3. You can never die. This one kind of speaks for itself. You have the gift and curse of immortality and you’ll be around when the world burns. Oh and you can still feel pain. Duh, forgot to mention that.

So Crystal asked if I would accept his offer or reject it and why, so let us analyze the possibilities shall we before we make any crazy decisions.

1. Unstable Invisibility:

  • Well not being able to control it really limits it ability to be effective. If I could control it I could I suppose use it to spy but that only does me good if I then have the capability to do something with the information I have obtained. So say I become a super hero and find myself invisible for a good stretch, I wander into the super villains lair to spy and find out their devious plan. Situation A, I find out the plan and then what? notify the authorities? Perfect, they will call me the Super Snitch, or Situation B, I am sitting quietly waiting for the plan when my spotty invisibility gives out and there I am in the middle of a room of goons about to be either killed or much more likely trapped in an easily escape-able scenario which I will get out of because a super villain is nothing without a hero. (See the movie "Megamind" for proof. PS. yes I count movies as valid proof.)

2. Mind Reader:

  • Okay so this reminds me of the movie "What Women Want" (again, yes my whole life revolves around movie plots apparently and all interactions are then filtered through and responded to in a less dramatic version) So if you don't know the movie it's basically that Mel Gibson gets electrocuted and then can hear all the women's thoughts. He is a misogynist but eventually turns himself around into a nicer fellow. But he then loses his powers and blah blah blah boring. Anyhow, the thing is, he hears the talking all the time. Now it might be fine if you are in the room with one person because that's only one thing to hear on top of them talking, but imagine you are sitting on the bus and everyone is thinking different things in different languages? I can't even keep the voices in my head straight let alone the voices of hundreds of others. Also, how would this help me stop a super villain? I guess if I could situate myself again far to close to them I could know their plans and just inconvenience them at every turn, but there are only so many times I can follow them around the world. They would eventually catch on and just get a restraining order so that I can't get close enough to hear their thoughts and then BAM I useless.

3. Forever Alive:

  • So what this doesn't specify which I am glad I thought of now was no where does the Mustache Wizard specify that you would never get old. He just said never die. So would you keep deteriorating until you were a gelatinous ooze of old puddling around in a blob until the end of time comes, a giant comet blows up the earth and then I am stuck floating the universe as a puddle of skin? That's an unpleasant visual. Although this one does prove the most useful against bad guys, as if you never die then you have lots of time to train in various death-skills (martial arts, shooting, etc.) also, maybe in the future they will have readily available jet packs so I could fly around and stuff. Also gives me lots of time to get money and stuff. Even if I can't just make it I could perhaps steal it, if I served a bunch of years in prison I would just still be alive so I could go find it when I got out. Although again, gelatinous skin blob is not very conducive to fighting crime.

[caption id="attachment_565" align="aligncenter" width="945"]end of the world When you become a giant skin blob it becomes harder to find clothes that fit.[/caption]

So all choices equally considered, I think I would have to say no to the Mustache Wizard and just remain a regular person. Also, as I was taken to an island with Crystal and Chris Pine I don't need any powers. I got all I will ever need. (Side note: I took like 20 minutes drawing that picture. I should probably reevaluate my priorities but it for sure isn't going to happen.)


Now that you have started a discussion of super heroes, I would like to continue that.

Your challenge is to pick a super hero whom you would marry. Now, this isn't all that simple. You will have to take each super hero from the list below and check them through the criteria provided.

Here is your list of potential suitors:

  • Batman

  • Superman

  • Captain America

  • Thor

  • Iron Man

Now you take each of those lovely fellas and study them for the following criteria:

  1. Personality

  2. Background/Baggage (ex girlfriends, dead parents, PTSD, in wrong millennium, etc.)

  3. Career/Day Job (outside of vigilante duties)

  4. Super Power - how would that effect home life

  5. Villains you would have to deal with - how would that affect you

  6. Family/Friends/Team Mates - would you want them coming over to your house

  7. Home - where would you live? Would you ask them to relocate?

  8. Attractiveness - Are you picturing them as the actor in the movie/which actor if more than one actor has played them/if you don't like the current actor cast your own choice.

And then pick a husband. Good luck and enjoy! DFTBA!

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

5 things.

I had a plan for this post and then my day became kind of a mess. It was a mess of cat in the hat proportions. Everything seemed disorganized, wrong and dramatic. It was all stressing me out for whatever reason. Not cool.

When such things happen, I like to think about 5 things I liked about my day. I tend to get anxious some days - specifically when I think about my future - and I find that this is a way to remind myself of things that I got accomplished. It won't always calm me down or anything, but sometimes I can make myself myself feel better by admitting that watching 5 episodes of the west wing before bed is quite the achievement. Lofty to some, I put those people to shame. It's not even my personal best.

Anyway, I learned this when I went called into student services last fall when I was pretty positive I was losing my mind. Writing so much stuff and not feeling like you're getting anywhere, along with carrying a 20-hour-a-week job, 2 internships and 4 hour courses can make anyone feel nutty. By the end of the semester, I baked 7 different kinds of holiday cookies and took many a long nap and felt much better. The point was that I called, was told that "blah blah blah my life was awesome and I didn't know it (which is true, it's an awesome life), blah blah blah you have come so far blah blah." In between what I distinctly remember as Charlie Brown's teacher talking to me, something stuck: think of things you're grateful for. Even if they're small (I read 20 pages of my text on Homeric Hymns) or big (I walked across a stage and got my diploma from a governor general), anything counts.

So I came up to get ready for bed and decided to write out my post after all, and share my five things because I did actually do a lot today that I can be semi proud or at the very least happy about. Nothing groundbreaking, but hey, we can't all be Jennifer Lawrence, can we?

1. I baked ginger cookies - Kristen's birthday present is officially done! I get to bring it to Jenn on Friday morning and she will deliver it to Kristen on her birthday. I'm pretty proud of gifts I put together, so it gets a spot on the list.

2. Speaking of, I finished part A and moved on to part B of Tanya's birthday gift (which, if you didn't know, her birthday is on Monday). I need to get some hydrogen peroxide to clean up a bit, but it's worth it. I'm hoping she likes what I'm making her.

3. I caught up at work - for today at least. We were backlogged with requests for a while and I finally caught up to it all. I also answered/returned calls which is hard for me, and wrote a crap ton of emails for missing information. I'm going into the Charlie Brown teacher voice for you guys now, aren't I? Ok, work isn't a super huge accomplishment, but I'm still new and I'm happy I got it done.

4. I cleaned the house up a bit and bbq'd when I got home. I went to the store and grabbed some beers and actually did something with my evening. Accomplishment woo.

5. I got to see captain hot pants this morning on the bus. You can conjure your own image, but I mean he's a man in uniform with a tattoo sleeve and he is kind of perfect. So check mark that is number five.


Tanya, I think I texted you this, but I can't believe you sprayed a skunk with a pressure washer? I assume it as Dave, but still. Poor little guy was probably just chillin' in his living room, popping some popcorn, waiting to watch Ellen and then BAM. No, just kidding. You didn't update me on the Noodle sitch though; I hope she's ok.

I tried to draw a picture like you do, but I'm terrible at it. Have a gif instead:

<3 dftba

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Started with a Stink

Today was not a great day. It started off bad, then got okay and then ended bad.

Okay, to start: Dave was going to go somewhere but then came back. Noodle got out and then proceeded to crawl into the culvert in our drive way. Then a few moments later we heard her freaking out and barking. Dave got a flashlight and then we found out that's where the stupid skunk who eats our trash lives. So Noodle had an argument with it and couldn't get out. So Dave panicked and I panicked but eventually she got out stinking like a skunk's butthole.

So we needed to get her cleaned up and that was a hassle. Then the task of getting rid of the skunk was intense. I don't want to get into the whole thing but it involved a pressure washer and a lot of mistakes. *NOTE TO EVERYONE* If you are going to chase a skunk out of you culvert, close the garage first or they will lodge themselves in there and spray all your stuff.

So we did some running around which was okay but boring. We did get Wendy's which was tasty.

Then we played Donkey Kong 64. It is so hard. I don't understand how they intend children to play this because I can't do any of it.

But then I let the stupid Winston out to pee and then he got out of our makeshift gate and I had to climb on a plastic chair in the dark to get him and then I fell off said plastic chair while holding the stupid little pig onto my elbow and my derriere on the patio stones. So that was stupid. And hurt and I think it will be bruised but right now its green because there are weeds in our patio stones. Ridiculous.

So I have nothing relevant to say today because I am super cranky now. But Crystal A+ on both the challenge and punishment. I am excited about our mustachioed wizard, the mischievous little bastard. (PS. watching so you think you can dance and I want Travis Wall to dance forever and ever. How is he human?)

Monday, August 19, 2013

Punishment #1 - Retrospective Embarrassment

Alright guys - not only did I miss my Friday deadline (I was watching the West Wing on Netflix, oops), I have also been remiss in not posting my punishment. Maybe you guys didn't remember, but I sure did. It was way back in early August - ahh, those were the days - and my internet was down. I missed two posts in a row and I couldn't answer my challenge. Tanya was nice enough to provide me with three options to chose from for my punishment. I decided to go with Option A (see below) because I feel like we're still getting to know each other, readers. You might want really crappy photographs of photographs of glimpses into my past. Maybe? Hmm?

Anyways. This was the exact wording: "OPTION A- post an photo of yourself as a young lady. It can’t be an adorable picture because we all know you were the cutest child, you would have to post something awkward."

All I have to say to you, dear, is this:


You thought


I was




Bonus picture! Me and my roommates (Kris and Andrew) on New Years Eve at my aunt Darlene's house. I don't even remember the year. We look pretty wired and I've probably been crying. I don't remember that sweater either.


Challenge #4 - Phenomenal cosmic power!

... Itty bitty living space.

I loved your story. I am sitting here, hot chocolate in hand (or as the 'cool' kids like to call it, hotcho), all curled up and reading your pirate story. I am semi confused how I got to a pirate ship in the first place, let alone why I was pushed in to the closet, but whatever. The wizard and I come out of the closet together because his cape was in the way. And it was too billowy for a cramped environment. Fabulous. But what of the pirates? If they can make terrible puns about their own career choices, they are my kind of people. I want to save the pirates too! They don't deserve to  live out a Hitchcock movie! Common!

[Interlude] As readers probably know by now, I research dumb things a lot. For instance, I have seen the movie Lifeboat, mentioned above, and forgot the title. So I Googled "men stuck in life boat" and this came up from Slate magazine online: Trapped in an Underwater Air Bubble for Three Days. The stuff of actual nightmares, guys. He lived 60 hours underwater without food, drinking water or light on the ocean floor. The fuck. It's a really interesting article and you should all check it out. [End interlude]

May I add that whimsical mustache wizard seems a little selfish. I think if he Dorothy'd hard enough, he could get me home. He just wants to keep me on his stupid island filled with puppies and books. So harsh. This is a tricky situation that I am in and I dislike it. Party time island with five people COULD be fun, or it could be a massive headache. Very tough choices to make.

* Five people I'm dooming to the island with me:

  1. Tanya. I mean this one is pretty obvious. Best friend, amusing storyteller, a deadpan wittiness that melds with my own sense of humor really well AND she understands my need to close off from people sometimes which I think I'd appreciate.

  2. Sandy. She has a fondness for pirates, books and puppies that is rarely seen in another human. She is also good at Scrabble, amongst other things.

  3. A (also known as Kiwi). He also likes Scrabble and sheep. So if there are sheep, board games and history related doo-dads then he's pretty much set for life. Also I miss spending time with him (super creepy if he reads this weeeo)

  4. K. She's a beach bum and is really laid back, so island life would suit her. (Sorry J, you'd hate me if I forced you on an island. We'll get you a boat to visit us for beach days)

  5. Robin Williams. I totally know him - I saw him on the street in Vancouver one time while my family was on vacation. He was wearing red Chucks. My dad yelled at him from across the street and I died from embarrassment. We're practically related. He can do Ms. Doubtfire bits and his stand up acts.

(Do you know how hard this is? I seriously do not have friends, my dear. I don't know why you needed me to bring FIVE whole people to the island with me.)


* Five celebrities that would have to sit with all of us nerds, the whimsical mustache wizard, and Robin Williams:

  1. Henry Cavill. Do I need a god damned reason?

  2. Bill F*cking Murray. He was my favourite original SNL Cast member and his sarcasm would bring a level of je-ne-sais-quoi to the table. I have a feeling that our good friend, whimsical mustache wizard, is not easily put off. I bet you Mr. Murray could easily quiet our jar-loving conjurer.

  3. Emma Stone. She's awesome and I think we'd all be friends. She can bring Andrew Garfield too.

  4. Nathan Fillion. He has a story for literally any subject. You want to talk about tariffs in the fish trade? Nathan Fillion has got a story for that. Awkward sex scenes? Oh boy, does he have a good one for you. Hilarious shaving mishaps? Let's not bring that up...

  5. Chris Pine. Again, I mean I really don't need a reason for bringing him at all. He's here to make sarcastic remarks (a common theme I guess) and eat apples in noisy fashions.



* 5 TV Series

  1. Doctor who. Sorry, Nathan. Firefly was too damned short. Dr. Who will last forever on this island.

  2. Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Now this is a story all about how my life got flipped, turned upside down. But I'd like to take a minute - just sit right there - and I'll tell you about how I became the prince of Bel-Air.

  3. Shameless (US). I honestly just want more people to watch this show. It's hilarious and charming and terribly sad all at the same time. How does it do it? Chicago slums, bitches.

  4. Batman the Animated Series. We gotta have something to watch in the mornings.

  5. Game of Thrones. Who doesn't like a good death with their television programing?

(So many shows I wish were longer so that I could justify bringing them with me. Honorable mentions go to: New Girl, Misfits, How I met your mother, Pushing Daisies, Rome, Gilmore Girls, Sarah Conner Chronicles, The Walking Dead, etc. etc. etc. Ironically, I did not chose Gilligan's Island, LOST or any other stranded show.)

* 5 Books

  1. Good Omens - Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman

  2. Monuments Men - Robert Edsel & Bret Witter

  3. To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee

  4. The Name of the Wind - Patrick Rothfuss

  5. Bulfinch's Mythology - Thomas Bulfinch (Deluxe Edition)

(Also there was a library mentioned, so I think I'm well stocked for books.)

* 5 CDs

  1. The Killers - Hot Fuss

  2. Jack Johnson - In Between Dreams

  3. Elvis Presley - The 50 Greatest Hits

  4. The White Stripes - Elephant

  5. Billie Holiday - Songs for Distingue  Lovers

(CDs are hard because no one likes the whole disk. No one. I tried to pick CDs that I can leave on and listen to the whole way through, but that might just mean that they would just be background noise like the music at Retailland. Added bonus though: they're all nostalgic for me and they'd probably make me feel less isolated if I listened to them. Honorable mentions: Franz Ferdinand, The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, Arctic Monkeys, Otis Redding, Spice Girls, BSB, Destiny's Child, Outcast, and Led Zepplin, to name a few)

* 5 types of food

  1. Ice cream

  2. Fruit salad

  3. Pasta

  4. BBQ Chicken

  5. My mom's spinach strawberry salad. Because veggies.

(Honorable mentions: Waffles.)

* 5 types of drinks

  1. Fresh water

  2. Chocolate Milk

  3. Gin and Tonic

  4. Wheat Beer

  5. Coffee


There you go, darling! All answered in a timely fashion. Anyone can feel free to post their own answers, or rebut my own. These were surprisingly tough choices, as I had mentioned many times. I feel like if I was that limited, I'd get very sad. I'm a girl who likes variety. Obviously not with the people that I hang out with, but with the things that I do and the foods I eat. If I had to listen to those five cds for the rest of my life, I'd probably break them by month 2. If I had to limit myself to those tv shows, knowing there were other good choices, I'd throw the disks into the water. Then Henry Cavill would be upset with me because he was totally mid-season two of Fresh Prince, and Will was dancing and it's all a terrible terrible end.

My biggest fear? I'd go all Agatha Christie and cut someone just to have something to do. Seriously. You can be the Inspector and it will be a joyous time had by all; except the person who is murdered (I'm looking at you, wizard).


Your challenge is to ponder the following situation and give a solid answer: Out of flagrant disregard for the general public's well being, our very own whimsical mustache wizard deems himself the granter of all wishes. Sometimes, he messes certain wishes up. Somewhere in the past or present, you have wished to be a superhero. Having Batgirl's sense of self and Wonder Woman's Amazonian kick-ass-ness wouldn't be so bad, would it? Mustache wizard totally gets you, friend. He's all: "Man... Tanya's already kick ass. Super powers would make her even more amazing then before. I'm going to offer her a deal." In meeting with you he points out his extreme lack of actual helpfulness or ability and lays out his plan to make you the next comic book queen. He's going to give you one of three options:

1. You can become invisible. It's not at will and no one is quite sure how it is triggered, no one knows when it ends. You can't go through walls, people can still hear you when you speak/move/pass gas.

2.  You can hear people's thoughts. Rules: it can't be turned on or off at will, they have to be within a 50 meter radius of you and you will hear every thought. Keep in mind that most people don't think through everything they are doing, aren't serious about everything they think and their minds are most likely in the gutter more than half the time.

3. You can never die. This one kind of speaks for itself. You have the gift and curse of immortality and you'll be around when the world burns. Oh and you can still feel pain. Duh, forgot to mention that.

Do you take his offer? Which one power would you chose and which ones would you leave? And the all important elementary school application-question: Why?

(Genie gif image from disneydreams on Tumblr)

Sunday, August 18, 2013

Moustache Wizard Island


Crystal it is time for you to find out what your 4th challenge will be! Aren't you excited? I sure am. Okay here it goes. It starts with a short story.

So you are on a boat, and as we read before, you are a little nervous because you don't really trust water travel. So you are traveling with these pirate type guys and one is all: "Why is a pirate called a pirate?", and you are all like, "why?" and he's all "BECAUSE THEY AAARRRR". Then, out of no where a storm hits! The crew makes you go inside and you hide in a small closet and pray to the good lord Freddie that you can make it somewhere safely. As you sit quietly mumbling your prayers under a collection of coats and sweaters, something heavy falls and drops on your head. You grab it and look at it, a small jar.


So you notice a weird glowing substance floating in the jar and you are all, "WTF" and open it. Out pops a wizard!

moustache wizardAnd now the wizard starts talking, "I AM THE GREAT MOUSTACHE WIZARD OF THE JAR!" and you stand up and open the door to the closet and step out of the closet because it is not very close quarters with his cape being so majestic, and you ask him if he can get you off the boat and to safety. He explains, "Well I have the power to bring you to an island I own, it is not your home but I can give you the opportunity to bring a designated number of things to the island with you. And at this point the boat crashes into something and you hear crew members screaming to get the life boats and you decide it's better than spending the next several days in life boats with a bunch of boat folks before dying from dehydration, so you agree. The wizard casts a spell and transports you to the most beautiful island you have ever seen. On this island is a beautiful mansion that has all the luxuries you could ever hope for, swimming pool, library, a room full of puppies, and it all sounds great. But you instantly start to feel lonely and realize that you are going to be alone with this whimsical moustache wizard forever.

He sees you looking distraught and tells you to relax, you will have the opportunity to pick the following things to bring to the island with you:

  • 5 people you know

  • 5 celebrities

  • 5 TV Series on DVD

  • 5 movies

  • 5 books

  • 5 CDs

  • 5 types of food

  • 5 types of drinks

So your challenge is, to tell the wizard and the rest of us what it is that you want on your magical island. ENJOY.

Thursday, August 15, 2013

Challenge #3 - Pilot Season

So Crystal has challenged me to make up a movie of my life. Also to make the movie poster and all the details and cast. The best part about movies is they get to exaggerate and change things into very different entities only half touching on the truth.

I will try my best, this is a hard challenge

I can't get the "read more" thing to work so i had to use this other type that is pages so just deal with the crazy long post okay?

So Crystal sent me some additional details to help me figure out how detailed it needs to be. Its extensive. I will put headings so you can follow along nicely.

The Cast

Alright I am going to start with the cast because that's easiest maybe. (Please note that I am NOT picking based on how much they look like people they are representing because that would be damn impossible, going more by who I believe could portray them properly)

                                Jennifer Lawrence

         Jennifer Lawrence as Tanya

because who doesn't love her and its my movie so whatever

alexis-bledel-thumb-26076Alexis Bledel as best friend Crystal because if Crystal was any character in any show I think she would be Rory Gilmore. This character choice took a lot of consideration. She was almost three different people in this but alas I think this is the best fit.
Cobie-cobie-smulders-2616935-1024-768-sandyCobie Smulders as older sister SandyI needed someone fun and awesome who could be kick ass when needed. Also athletic enough to ride a horse. And bonus points - shes dutch and Canadian and the more I look at this picture she kind of looks like Sandy but I think I am just going crazy.
sandra-bullock-blush-h724-momSandra Bullock as MomShes awesome and slightly spazzy and not afraid to make a fool of herself and can recover easily from falling down.
"Men in Black II" PremiereTim Allen as DadNot quite as muscly as my actual dad but when I was young I always watched Home Improvement with my dad and he always reminded me of him. With the cars and the goofy sense of humor, and the always getting injured.
MV5BMjI2MTIzODQ1M15BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwNjI4Mzc1OA@@._V1._SY314_CR4,0,214,314_John Goodman as GrampieJohn Goodman has a good grandparent-ness to him. He is like an all-knowing and always caring loveable goof.
Meryl-Streep-meryl-streep-33087889-2100-3345grammieMeryl Streep as GrammieMeryl can do anything. Also her in Devil Wears Prada makes me certain she could nail the ever elusive Grammie Glare.
Pfeiffer-auntyMichelle Pfeiffer as Aunty
She is super fun and happy and she wants a rider that's cool.
emma-watson.wsEmma Watson as cousin ColleenAs I said before with Crystal being like Rory, I think Colleen would be Hermoine Granger. Colleen loves her some school.
936full-anna-kendrickAnna Kendrick as cousin ChelseaAnna Kendrick loves staying home and wearing sweatpants, Chelsea loves staying home and wearing sweatpants.
chris_evans_grey_suit_white_shChris Evans as boyfriend DaveHe looks good with a beard am I right ladies?
"Bad Teacher" New York Premiere - Inside ArrivalsJason Segel as friend JakeJason Segel is a goofy and delightful fella who makes me laugh all the time. However to play Jake he needs to be a bit younger but Crystal said it doesn't need to be factual. (Fun note, I asked Jake who he would cast to play himself he said Johnny Depp. And then later changed it to Channing Tatum. I am sticking with Segel though, Sorry Jakey)
Sean Gunn-SGG-030782Sean Gunn as cousin Kris


Type of Film:

She wanted me to specify the kind of movie it would be, action, drama, comedy, indie, historical, summer blockbuster, etc. This question is tricky because I haven't yet decided the plot of this movie. which I guess I need to do right this second.  Okay so it would probably be a comedy/road trip comedy kind of deal. I obviously love that this doesn't need to be factual because no one would watch a factual account of my life. Not even me.


Tanya, a 22 year old University student has been coasting through life taking things as they come and figuring out her plan as things happen. She works part time at the Home Depot with her friend Jake and goes to school to get a degree she is not sure what she is going to do with any more. She lives with her Boyfriend Dave in an apartment near her school. She spends a lot of her time hanging out with her best friend Crystal sharing their stresses over their lack of life plans over pizza and ice cream. She takes her laundry to her aunts house so they can have girls nights with Chelsea and Colleen and also so she doesn't have to spend 4$ to wash her clothes. Tanya recently started a second job at a government office that she hates but goes to because it pays her a lot of money. Fast Forward a few years and she is 24, still unsure of what she is going to do. She has bought a house and needs to pay for it but her contract at work is up and she needs to leave. She decides without any hesitation that this is her chance, she is going to move to California and write her hit TV show with her friend Jake, dragging her boyfriend Dave and best friend Crystal with her.

map to caliThe four of them road trip to California in her beat up Mazda Protege, sleeping in gross motels and eating at every IHOP on their way. They are going to do eight hours of driving every day and plan to get to L.A. in a week. Jake and Tanya work to get their pilot script written as they travel using their laptops. As they drive through Nebraska, they pull into a rest stop to get gas and lunch, but when they come back out to go to the car, it is no where to be found. They run back in and call the local cops but when they arrive they are ridiculous and not at all useful saying that they shouldn't have left they keys in the car (which they didn't but the cops are really stupid). The cops give them a ride to the bus station and luckily they all had their wallets still on them. Tanya and Jake only then realize that their scripts are gone with their laptops but Tanya remembers she saved it to a server online so if they can get new computers they should be able to find it and not have lost everything. When they go to buy bus tickets to LA they don't have enough money left.  They have just enough money to get a bus to Utah. They decide its better than nothing and begin their bus ride. Jake and Tanya find paper at the bus station and borrow pens so they can keep working, Crystal and Dave helping as much as they can.

They arrive in Utah in the middle of the night and realize that without any money they can't really rent a hotel room. They wander Utah until they find a 24 hour diner and go there with enough money to buy two burgers which they all share. The diner owner asks them where they are headed. They explain what happened to them and he takes pity on them saying that if they clean the entire diner they can get 4 bus tickets to Las Vegas and then his brother who lives in Vegas and runs a casino would get them set up with a job for a day and then they can get to L.A. from there. So they begin to clean the disgusting diner which looks as though it hadn't been cleaned in months. Dave throws up all over the bathroom, Tanya and Crystal are attacked by mice in the kitchen, and Jake finds out that it isn't green icing on the donuts. They eventually get the place sparkling clean and the diner owner gives them their tickets for the bus and then have to run to the station to catch in time. The bus is already driving away a few minutes early but the four of them chase the bus for a few blocks until it finally stops and they can get on.

They arrive in Vegas right near the casino that the diner owner's brother owns and go in. There are bouncers outside that almost don't let them in because they are grimy and full of diner scum and haven't changed their clothes in a few days but as they are arguing with them the casino owner walks by and recognizes the diner logo on the hat that Dave had been given after his old hat fell into his puddle of vomit at the diner. He then tells them to go shower and put on their uniforms. Crystal and Tanya work as waitresses while Dave and Jake are bartenders for the night. They make all kinds of tips all in casino money and then after their shifts they realize that not only do they have enough money to get to L.A. they have enough to help them pay for their time in hotels for their stay in California and even a plane ticket home. Jake bets some of his money and then manages to double it so he rushes out and buys a new laptop and they manage to finish off their script before getting some sleep.

The next day they leave for L.A, finding that the casino owner had left them new clothes. They catch their bus easily and make it to Hollywood. It's pilot season so all the networks are accepting options. They start at NBC and when they walk into the gates they see a car that looks a lot like Tanya's Mazda. It even had the same rust spots. They get closer and realize that it IS Tanya's Mazda and it still has all their bags inside. They go to the gate and ask whose car it is and then find out its the boss of NBC. Crystal starts to call the cops to report it but Tanya stops her.  They instead go to their pitch and find the boss is in the meeting. They start to talk to him and try to be friendly and tell him their story of how they got to L.A. he laughs at the story saying its hilarious but when they get to the part about the stolen car he begins to look nervous, forcing his laughs. Finally Tanya slips her phone across with a picture of her car on it saying "I don't know who would want to steal it, it's a piece of junk. You wouldn't want a car that looked like this would you?" The boss breaks into hysterical tears and says that he didn't mean to steal it, he thought it was his car. They then show they had the keys so he obviously had to hot wire it, he says he always has to because he doesn't know where his keys for his actual car are because hes always doing too many drugs. He says that if they don't report it he will give them anything they want. They consider making him put their show on his network but decide against it because its NBC and obviously the boss is crazy so they tell him he has to get their show onto a better network and give them back their car. He does all this and they sign their show to a good network with bosses who are not car thieves.

Jake and Tanya become the show-runners for their hit TV show, Crystal gets a job working at a museum while assisting part time in art direction on set and Dave works with a stunt team rigging explosions and guns for action movies.

If it were featured on Netflix, what movies would be recommended to you after watching it?

Probably some road trip movies, Identity Theif, Due Date, Harold and Kumar, Rat Race. Then some movies about friends, I love you man, the hangover.

And finally, Movie Poster:

pilotseasonWhew. That was hard. I thought casting would be so easy. NOT.

Anyway, there is the movie of my life only kind of altered from what it is, called Pilot Season.

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Ways that movies have ruined my life

Let me start off this post by saying that you and Batman are tied in first for world greatest detective. You put way more thought into deducing the lie than I thought you would and I loved reading your reasoning. That that was the hardest challenge yet. Researching Kevin was nothing compared to trying to figure out half truths I could tell you to trick you into thinking I was cool and did stuff. And the answer is - #3 is a lie. I DID go fly home from Edmonton on a plane that experienced a lot of turbulence, I did cry BUT I didn't meet Olympic champions. I knew that was going to far haha. I did meet two very nice, very calm professional dancers who talked me down from punching in the emergency exit window pane and hurling us all out the windows in the middle of the storm. It is something I will never forget, although I still love flying and turbulence is more of an annoyance than a fear of death.

On to the post! I have made a list of five reasons why movies have kind of ruined my life. I guess I don't mean ruin my life - I love movies. I have different films I watch annually, certain genres are good for certain kinds of weather, etc. If I thought I had any talent with writing, editing, producing or directing film, I'd go work for the film industry. Luckily for my already completed bachelor's degree in Classical Studies, I don't. I guess what I mean by the title is that I relate a lot of my life to movies, regardless of the genre. When I'm in certain situations, I remember what characters in my favourite movies have done, what they've said, how they've reacted, and I'll model my own actions from that I guess. It may be because of my lack of social interaction, social anxiety and other fun mental health things that I do this, but whatever. If anyone can tell me they've never said a line from a movie in a conversation, I will kick that person in the shin. They are a liar.

1. Cruise ships. When I was 10 we got the chance to go on a Cruise from south Florida to the Bahamas. It was 3 days, all inclusive, and we could beach hop around and settle back down in the Continental US and hit Disney and Universal for the last couple days of our trip. YAY! Beach time and overgrown mice with white gloves all in the same week! Everyone thought it would be a roaring success. I can tell you that it was not. Remember Titanic?

Shopping is Best When Done in the Comfort of Your Sweatpants!