Sunday, September 30, 2012

sorry!

I promise I will do a real post soon! I have been all brain dead this week with the new job and the readjusting to going to bed at old lady hours and the continuing crazy spell infecting my only corners of sanity. I will soon give you a big giant post full of like, ten pictures. I cleaned my office today so thats the first step to being back to normal I promise.

sorry!

I promise I will do a real post soon! I have been all brain dead this week with the new job and the readjusting to going to bed at old lady hours and the continuing crazy spell infecting my only corners of sanity. I will soon give you a big giant post full of like, ten pictures. I cleaned my office today so thats the first step to being back to normal I promise.

Friday, September 21, 2012

Conversations with Dave

*Phone Rings*

Me: Hello?

Dave: Hello.

*awkward pause*

Me: Can I help you with something?

Dave: Yes, Umm, Well Matt is going to pick me up at work today.

Me: Alright, then I assume you are going out for pizza?

Dave: Well I was thinking about it.

Me: Go, have fun.

Dave: Okay, you sure you don't mind? We can watch that movie another day?

Me: That movie? Oh, you mean Captain America ! Don't worry I own it now so we can watch it any time. *brain starts racing for no apparent reason, breath quickens, instantly images of men in tight pants kicking things float through my mind.* OH MY GOD ! AVENGERS COMES OUT THIS WEEK!

Dave: Okay?

Me: NO AVENGERS DAVE! *hyperventilates* I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY! I AM SO EXCITED I CANNOT EVEN BREATHE!

Dave: Alright.

Me: AHHH! EIRKLAGUGLA!

Dave: What did you say?

Me: I DON'T KNOW I AM TOO EXCITED!

Dave: Okay well... I need to go.

ME: *SQUEEE-HYPERVENTALATE-FLAIL* BYE!

Dave: Bye....

I think Dave might just bring me home sedatives so that's a plus. I will have Avengers in like.. 3.5 days and will be out of birthday-gift debt for Chels because I promised her Avengers but it wasn't out yet. I am getting bad at birthday presents. I keep getting people things that don't exist yet.

Now I need to go breathe into a paper bag. Although I don't have one so it will be a grocery bag and then I will die because I think plastic in the throat is bad hence the consistent "don't put this on your head or the head of your small children because they wont be able to breathe despite the fact that you can rip holes in them really easy" warnings on the many plastic bags. I never pay attention to warnings. Hence how I ended up losing hair to a hair bleaching incident when I was 17. That is a story for another day.

Anyways I just wanted to tell you about how much crazy Dave has to deal with until the Avengers gets in my hands. 3.5 days people. 3.5. Remember to breathe!


I bought a YELLOW sketch book. I am pumped. Although I feel guilty drawing in pen so now it looks really not visible.


Conversations with Dave

*Phone Rings*

Me: Hello?

Dave: Hello.

*awkward pause*

Me: Can I help you with something?

Dave: Yes, Umm, Well Matt is going to pick me up at work today.

Me: Alright, then I assume you are going out for pizza?

Dave: Well I was thinking about it.

Me: Go, have fun.

Dave: Okay, you sure you don't mind? We can watch that movie another day?

Me: That movie? Oh, you mean Captain America ! Don't worry I own it now so we can watch it any time. *brain starts racing for no apparent reason, breath quickens, instantly images of men in tight pants kicking things float through my mind.* OH MY GOD ! AVENGERS COMES OUT THIS WEEK!

Dave: Okay?

Me: NO AVENGERS DAVE! *hyperventilates* I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY! I AM SO EXCITED I CANNOT EVEN BREATHE!

Dave: Alright.

Me: AHHH! EIRKLAGUGLA!

Dave: What did you say?

Me: I DON'T KNOW I AM TOO EXCITED!

Dave: Okay well... I need to go.

ME: *SQUEEE-HYPERVENTALATE-FLAIL* BYE!

Dave: Bye....

I think Dave might just bring me home sedatives so that's a plus. I will have Avengers in like.. 3.5 days and will be out of birthday-gift debt for Chels because I promised her Avengers but it wasn't out yet. I am getting bad at birthday presents. I keep getting people things that don't exist yet.

Now I need to go breathe into a paper bag. Although I don't have one so it will be a grocery bag and then I will die because I think plastic in the throat is bad hence the consistent "don't put this on your head or the head of your small children because they wont be able to breathe despite the fact that you can rip holes in them really easy" warnings on the many plastic bags. I never pay attention to warnings. Hence how I ended up losing hair to a hair bleaching incident when I was 17. That is a story for another day.

Anyways I just wanted to tell you about how much crazy Dave has to deal with until the Avengers gets in my hands. 3.5 days people. 3.5. Remember to breathe!


I bought a YELLOW sketch book. I am pumped. Although I feel guilty drawing in pen so now it looks really not visible.


Movie Dreams

Dreams are the strangest things.

Last night I had a Dream that I was going to Yale and for some reason I was discussing this after doing a triathlon.  Because the thing to do after a triathlon is reminisce with people you no longer talk to about how fun it is to go to Yale. I need to finish Gilmore Girls. I starting to do that thing I do often when I watch too much TV or movies.

I tend to have dreams which star the characters of the television series / movies I have been watching. And usually it takes place in the movie or TV show in some scene where I tend to interact with the characters changing the plot of the movie completely and then making it twenty times more interesting.

The problem with this is that as the movie gets interesting and fascinating in the dream land, I wake up. I never find out how the new better version of the movie ends. It is the worst thing ever. Have you ever been watching the best movie ever or the greatest television show only to have the DVD player break or the cable to go out? I have about 5000 movies and episodes of TV that I will never get to finish because I woke up.

Worse then the not finishing is forgetting which "movies" are real and which aren't. I constantly have arguments with people of when I try to explain what happen and they tell me I am crazy. Like the time that the cast of FRIENDS traveled via flying monkeys to the North Pole and helped save Christmas.  Apparently, despite owning all ten seasons it never happened.

Anyways, I am being a bad blogger and not paying attention to this properly. Its just because as previously mentioned my brain is exploded a bit. Also that thing is still under my keyboard and it moves every few hours and then a new button is jammed which is an unpleasant surprise.









Chandler loves traveling via flying monkey!

 

Movie Dreams

Dreams are the strangest things.

Last night I had a Dream that I was going to Yale and for some reason I was discussing this after doing a triathlon.  Because the thing to do after a triathlon is reminisce with people you no longer talk to about how fun it is to go to Yale. I need to finish Gilmore Girls. I starting to do that thing I do often when I watch too much TV or movies.

I tend to have dreams which star the characters of the television series / movies I have been watching. And usually it takes place in the movie or TV show in some scene where I tend to interact with the characters changing the plot of the movie completely and then making it twenty times more interesting.

The problem with this is that as the movie gets interesting and fascinating in the dream land, I wake up. I never find out how the new better version of the movie ends. It is the worst thing ever. Have you ever been watching the best movie ever or the greatest television show only to have the DVD player break or the cable to go out? I have about 5000 movies and episodes of TV that I will never get to finish because I woke up.

Worse then the not finishing is forgetting which "movies" are real and which aren't. I constantly have arguments with people of when I try to explain what happen and they tell me I am crazy. Like the time that the cast of FRIENDS traveled via flying monkeys to the North Pole and helped save Christmas.  Apparently, despite owning all ten seasons it never happened.

Anyways, I am being a bad blogger and not paying attention to this properly. Its just because as previously mentioned my brain is exploded a bit. Also that thing is still under my keyboard and it moves every few hours and then a new button is jammed which is an unpleasant surprise.

Chandler loves traveling via flying monkey!

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Near Catastrophe

Last night I faced a near tragedy. Last night I almost had one of the worst things that could happen to someone who owns dogs.

I let Noodle, Dave's dog, outside to go pee before she went to bed. I opened the door and she rocketed out as usual only to stop at the bottom of the stairs and make a quick turn to face the garbage bags. Now that's not completely abnormal because she might be the weirdest dog on the face of the Earth, but it was a little weird because she was doing the pee-pee dance for a while and probably really had to go.

I held the door open, allowing the light from the kitchen to shine out because our outside light doesn't work for some reason but as it did I noticed that the garbage bags were moving. When the light finally hit, I saw it. The worst thing anyone with a monstrous barky dog could imagine.

TWO SKUNKS.

IN MY GARBAGE BAG.

CHEWING ON MY TRASH.

So as my heart started racing my eyes fluttered around looking for the stupid wiener dog to make sure she wont get sprayed. That is when I see her. Her nose, halfway towards the skunks stinky old spraying bum. Her sniffy little nose, approaching the stupid skunks butt as they munched away on my trash bags.

I had to try to get her back into the house. I was not bathing a squirmy wiener dog. Especially at midnight.

I am a professional at the whisper-yell. I have two dogs and they go outside at early/late times so I have to often get them back in the house without making enough noise to wake the neighbors. So as I am whispering as loud as I can so Noodle will come back and stop sniffing the stupid skunks.

She ignored me because she is three quarters evil and the rest is all just thoughts about cookies.

I then closed the door quietly and tried to get Dave to go get her but he was brushing his teeth. Then he proceeded to get cranky that I left his demon dog out with the evil skunks. Which I suppose is fair, however its not my fault that his dog hates me. So we trotted back to the back door to check how stinky Noodle is, and when we opened the door the skunks trotted away and Noodle ran back inside at the slightest noise from Dave.

This is where the story gets ridiculous. She didn't smell at all. Not one little bit. I was baffled and shocked and so beyond happy you have no clue. She didn't even bark. I was proud. And relieved.

Anyways, that is all I have to say for now. I am really boring lately. The only time I have left the house in the last week is to go out searching down the seasons of Gilmore Girls. May I highlight I FINALLY found season four and now I have them all. Just started season 4 today, Rory is at Yale and it makes me jealous. I want to live in Stars Hallow. It is perfect. Someone find out if its a real place and where I can go to Luke's Diner.

Anyways I am so tired and am watching Gilmore Girls so I cannot focus.

The only explanation for Noodle not barking at the skunks is that she was flirting. Also there is STILL something stuck under my keyboard but I don't know how it got there because there aren't spaces and it is REALLY annoying.

I am on a Gilmore Girls overdose. And I am loving it.


Near Catastrophe

Last night I faced a near tragedy. Last night I almost had one of the worst things that could happen to someone who owns dogs.

I let Noodle, Dave's dog, outside to go pee before she went to bed. I opened the door and she rocketed out as usual only to stop at the bottom of the stairs and make a quick turn to face the garbage bags. Now that's not completely abnormal because she might be the weirdest dog on the face of the Earth, but it was a little weird because she was doing the pee-pee dance for a while and probably really had to go.

I held the door open, allowing the light from the kitchen to shine out because our outside light doesn't work for some reason but as it did I noticed that the garbage bags were moving. When the light finally hit, I saw it. The worst thing anyone with a monstrous barky dog could imagine.

TWO SKUNKS.

IN MY GARBAGE BAG.

CHEWING ON MY TRASH.

So as my heart started racing my eyes fluttered around looking for the stupid wiener dog to make sure she wont get sprayed. That is when I see her. Her nose, halfway towards the skunks stinky old spraying bum. Her sniffy little nose, approaching the stupid skunks butt as they munched away on my trash bags.

I had to try to get her back into the house. I was not bathing a squirmy wiener dog. Especially at midnight.

I am a professional at the whisper-yell. I have two dogs and they go outside at early/late times so I have to often get them back in the house without making enough noise to wake the neighbors. So as I am whispering as loud as I can so Noodle will come back and stop sniffing the stupid skunks.

She ignored me because she is three quarters evil and the rest is all just thoughts about cookies.

I then closed the door quietly and tried to get Dave to go get her but he was brushing his teeth. Then he proceeded to get cranky that I left his demon dog out with the evil skunks. Which I suppose is fair, however its not my fault that his dog hates me. So we trotted back to the back door to check how stinky Noodle is, and when we opened the door the skunks trotted away and Noodle ran back inside at the slightest noise from Dave.

This is where the story gets ridiculous. She didn't smell at all. Not one little bit. I was baffled and shocked and so beyond happy you have no clue. She didn't even bark. I was proud. And relieved.

Anyways, that is all I have to say for now. I am really boring lately. The only time I have left the house in the last week is to go out searching down the seasons of Gilmore Girls. May I highlight I FINALLY found season four and now I have them all. Just started season 4 today, Rory is at Yale and it makes me jealous. I want to live in Stars Hallow. It is perfect. Someone find out if its a real place and where I can go to Luke's Diner.

Anyways I am so tired and am watching Gilmore Girls so I cannot focus.

The only explanation for Noodle not barking at the skunks is that she was flirting. Also there is STILL something stuck under my keyboard but I don't know how it got there because there aren't spaces and it is REALLY annoying.

I am on a Gilmore Girls overdose. And I am loving it.


Monday, September 17, 2012

Sorry!

I have not been posting as much as before but that's because of two reasons.

First of all, I am lazy as all hell.

Second, I have been crazy.

So the lazy parts obvious. I am a lazy type person for the most part because being lazy is nice. I have to get to doing something, but I took the first week off of being mostly lazy. You would think that I would have slept more but instead my mind wants to stay awake all the time because I can.

Back to the crazy, I guess its the after effect of the lack of work stuff stealing all my mental capacities but its leaving too many thoughts in my brain. Its as though for the last few years my brain was being strangled and now that I have killed the strangling jerk I now have about four years of babble streaming through my mind.

Unfortunately that means that I cannot quite differentiate between the witty and the crazy which isn't much different from usual but it does make me very tired.

So instead of blogging I have been watching Gilmore Girls and waiting for my brain to reset. So don't be mad at me, I will fix it soon! Or my brain will get sucked dry at my next job so then my thoughts wont be so fuzzy. I will draw you a picture later. I am busy trying to watch what happens after Jess gets sent back to New York.

Also, there is something stuck under my keyboard and I can't get it out. but that's not important right now.

Sorry!

I have not been posting as much as before but that's because of two reasons.

First of all, I am lazy as all hell.

Second, I have been crazy.

So the lazy parts obvious. I am a lazy type person for the most part because being lazy is nice. I have to get to doing something, but I took the first week off of being mostly lazy. You would think that I would have slept more but instead my mind wants to stay awake all the time because I can.

Back to the crazy, I guess its the after effect of the lack of work stuff stealing all my mental capacities but its leaving too many thoughts in my brain. Its as though for the last few years my brain was being strangled and now that I have killed the strangling jerk I now have about four years of babble streaming through my mind.

Unfortunately that means that I cannot quite differentiate between the witty and the crazy which isn't much different from usual but it does make me very tired.

So instead of blogging I have been watching Gilmore Girls and waiting for my brain to reset. So don't be mad at me, I will fix it soon! Or my brain will get sucked dry at my next job so then my thoughts wont be so fuzzy. I will draw you a picture later. I am busy trying to watch what happens after Jess gets sent back to New York.

Also, there is something stuck under my keyboard and I can't get it out. but that's not important right now.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Too much TV

So the religious channel started playing Gilmore Girls. I am pretty pumped. Except every time Luke yells "god dammit" they cut it out. Only the god part though. It's pretty funny.

I really need to remember to buy the seasons of this show next time I see them on sale. Sometimes they are at Walmart for 10$ each. however there's like 7 or 8 seasons and I am so stingy. There are too many shows I want on DVD.

I need to start working on things. But I am so lazy. Dave and I cleaned today so our living room and kitchen look nice. However when we clean the living room my office gets 100 times more messy. All the things from the coffee table have to go somewhere.

This new Lysol version of febreeze concerns me. Their commercial has the couch turning into a giant pile of garbage. Why would your couch smell like trash? I mean, my couch doesn't smell great. It smells like dogs in all honesty. But people without dogs, why does your couch smell like trash? I guess if you spill things on it it will eventually stink, but the commercial is really irritating.

I should stop watching TV, all I do is get all upset and annoyed by the commercials.




Too much TV

So the religious channel started playing Gilmore Girls. I am pretty pumped. Except every time Luke yells "god dammit" they cut it out. Only the god part though. It's pretty funny.

I really need to remember to buy the seasons of this show next time I see them on sale. Sometimes they are at Walmart for 10$ each. however there's like 7 or 8 seasons and I am so stingy. There are too many shows I want on DVD.

I need to start working on things. But I am so lazy. Dave and I cleaned today so our living room and kitchen look nice. However when we clean the living room my office gets 100 times more messy. All the things from the coffee table have to go somewhere.

This new Lysol version of febreeze concerns me. Their commercial has the couch turning into a giant pile of garbage. Why would your couch smell like trash? I mean, my couch doesn't smell great. It smells like dogs in all honesty. But people without dogs, why does your couch smell like trash? I guess if you spill things on it it will eventually stink, but the commercial is really irritating.

I should stop watching TV, all I do is get all upset and annoyed by the commercials.




None of this Makes Sense.

WARNING: THIS MAKES NO SENSE! IT IS YOUR OWN FAULT IF YOU READ IT.. JUST WAIT FOR THE NEXT ONE OKAY?

Being from a small town I am very used to driving behind tractors and other large machinery. Hell, I have driven large machinery on the road. There is a level of courtesy that people driving tractors usually have. The tractors in the country usually (not always) move over off the main part of the road when someone is driving behind them. They drive partially on the shoulder so that you can pass easily.

However, the city tractors they never move. They just hunker down in the middle of the road and slowly mosey up. It pisses me off to no end. I don't see why today on my way to get groceries I needed to follow a tractor up the entire way when there was a paved shoulder almost as wide as the road. I am not allowed to pass on the shoulder, however tractors can pretty much drive where ever they want because they are bigger then everyone.

Why don't they move? Why do the tractors in the city feel the need to take up the road? Its just so rude.

On another note, I watch too much TV. I honestly really should stop. I mean, I am not going to but I probably should.

I just saw a commercial for weight watchers and its Jessica Simpson. I used to hate her so much more when she was perfect looking and trying to be a singer. Now that she just does her other stuff she doesn't irritate me as much. Also because she actually gained weight when she was pregnant it makes her seem more human. The thing about her that makes me feel bad for her is that everyone thinks she stupid. Which based on her television show from a long time ago, she just might be. However the new quote that is going around makes me feel sad. I don't know if its her or the way they are spinning it. I would assume its a joke on her part. Or shes really dumb. She apparently said something that "she didn't realize the weight wouldn't all come off with the baby" I think that is a joke right? It has to be.

This makes no sense. I have no logic today. In that theme:

None of this Makes Sense.

WARNING: THIS MAKES NO SENSE! IT IS YOUR OWN FAULT IF YOU READ IT.. JUST WAIT FOR THE NEXT ONE OKAY?

Being from a small town I am very used to driving behind tractors and other large machinery. Hell, I have driven large machinery on the road. There is a level of courtesy that people driving tractors usually have. The tractors in the country usually (not always) move over off the main part of the road when someone is driving behind them. They drive partially on the shoulder so that you can pass easily.

However, the city tractors they never move. They just hunker down in the middle of the road and slowly mosey up. It pisses me off to no end. I don't see why today on my way to get groceries I needed to follow a tractor up the entire way when there was a paved shoulder almost as wide as the road. I am not allowed to pass on the shoulder, however tractors can pretty much drive where ever they want because they are bigger then everyone.

Why don't they move? Why do the tractors in the city feel the need to take up the road? Its just so rude.

On another note, I watch too much TV. I honestly really should stop. I mean, I am not going to but I probably should.

I just saw a commercial for weight watchers and its Jessica Simpson. I used to hate her so much more when she was perfect looking and trying to be a singer. Now that she just does her other stuff she doesn't irritate me as much. Also because she actually gained weight when she was pregnant it makes her seem more human. The thing about her that makes me feel bad for her is that everyone thinks she stupid. Which based on her television show from a long time ago, she just might be. However the new quote that is going around makes me feel sad. I don't know if its her or the way they are spinning it. I would assume its a joke on her part. Or shes really dumb. She apparently said something that "she didn't realize the weight wouldn't all come off with the baby" I think that is a joke right? It has to be.

This makes no sense. I have no logic today. In that theme:

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Interruptions


As I said in my previous post I need to start plotting a few of my novels that I have half planned.

The problem with this is that I have the attention span of a two year old and every time I start working on it and making progress, I get interrupted and all my brilliant plans flush down the toilet that is my short term memory.

For example, at work in my last two weeks a person from a team that isn't mine asked me to scan an entire binder. This was not something I overly wanted to do. For one thing, its not my job to scan things for those people. Second, I had a lot of other things to do and taking the four hours he said it would take was not really an option for me. Lastly, they had a brand new admin on their team that is actually supposed to do it. I told them I would show her how to do it but that's it because I was busy.

Then when we finally had our meeting to do the scanning she gave me an excuse of being too busy. That was fine she seemed pretty busy and as I understood there was some big due date that had popped out of no where as they always do. So we rescheduled until the next day. The next day came around and I wandered to her office to ask if she was ready, she told me she needed to go outside for a smoke. NEEDED to. She said she also had to write an email once she got back so that we will have to postpone. She then didn't come see me for the rest of the day. The next day she came to see me and was like, "how about I come this afternoon". I said fine. So finally, a half hour before I leave in the afternoon she came and got me. I showed her how to scan but there were issues with the memory stick she was using. So I was like, "here's another, use this tomorrow" and I left.

I cam in the next day and the day was passing along nicely. I was nice and busy enough cleaning up my office and figuring out what to do with all my stuff. And she came by again saying "Well I will come get you later to scan this". Me thinking to myself, hey didn't I already show you this? But I agreed.

On my lunch break on this day I pulled out my notebook and began to work out the plot of my novel. I had been having a lot of issues with what the conflict was going to be and why, but I figured it out by getting through an idea for a sequel, then I knew how I needed it to end. As I was jotting down everything as fast as I can, guess who stops by opening my door without knocking and barges in? You guessed it, new girl. She barged in unannounced and says "You ready to go now!"

All my plans flushed away immediately and I no longer remembered how I planned it would end. For all we know this woman is responsible for my ever-persisting failure in accomplishing anything. Not really because I have only known her for a week or two but I was super pissed. I am sure I can remember it once I start working on it again, but its really frustrating.

Does this ever happen to anyone else? Are you ever in the middle of something and someone who has no common courtesy just interrupts you and steals all your creative genius? I am obviously joking I am not a genius, but it is still a piss off. My mediocrity is completely dependent on my average amount of effort. If I can't even put in an average amount of effort I will become less then mediocre and that's not good at all. Anyways, I should do something today so the when Dave gets home I am not in the same place he left me. And by do something, I mean take a nap.


Interruptions


As I said in my previous post I need to start plotting a few of my novels that I have half planned.

The problem with this is that I have the attention span of a two year old and every time I start working on it and making progress, I get interrupted and all my brilliant plans flush down the toilet that is my short term memory.

For example, at work in my last two weeks a person from a team that isn't mine asked me to scan an entire binder. This was not something I overly wanted to do. For one thing, its not my job to scan things for those people. Second, I had a lot of other things to do and taking the four hours he said it would take was not really an option for me. Lastly, they had a brand new admin on their team that is actually supposed to do it. I told them I would show her how to do it but that's it because I was busy.

Then when we finally had our meeting to do the scanning she gave me an excuse of being too busy. That was fine she seemed pretty busy and as I understood there was some big due date that had popped out of no where as they always do. So we rescheduled until the next day. The next day came around and I wandered to her office to ask if she was ready, she told me she needed to go outside for a smoke. NEEDED to. She said she also had to write an email once she got back so that we will have to postpone. She then didn't come see me for the rest of the day. The next day she came to see me and was like, "how about I come this afternoon". I said fine. So finally, a half hour before I leave in the afternoon she came and got me. I showed her how to scan but there were issues with the memory stick she was using. So I was like, "here's another, use this tomorrow" and I left.

I cam in the next day and the day was passing along nicely. I was nice and busy enough cleaning up my office and figuring out what to do with all my stuff. And she came by again saying "Well I will come get you later to scan this". Me thinking to myself, hey didn't I already show you this? But I agreed.

On my lunch break on this day I pulled out my notebook and began to work out the plot of my novel. I had been having a lot of issues with what the conflict was going to be and why, but I figured it out by getting through an idea for a sequel, then I knew how I needed it to end. As I was jotting down everything as fast as I can, guess who stops by opening my door without knocking and barges in? You guessed it, new girl. She barged in unannounced and says "You ready to go now!"

All my plans flushed away immediately and I no longer remembered how I planned it would end. For all we know this woman is responsible for my ever-persisting failure in accomplishing anything. Not really because I have only known her for a week or two but I was super pissed. I am sure I can remember it once I start working on it again, but its really frustrating.

Does this ever happen to anyone else? Are you ever in the middle of something and someone who has no common courtesy just interrupts you and steals all your creative genius? I am obviously joking I am not a genius, but it is still a piss off. My mediocrity is completely dependent on my average amount of effort. If I can't even put in an average amount of effort I will become less then mediocre and that's not good at all. Anyways, I should do something today so the when Dave gets home I am not in the same place he left me. And by do something, I mean take a nap.


Guilt Monster

So its September which normally means back to school. However because I managed to graduate last April I am not going back. This feeling is the strangest feeling that hasn't quite set in yet. I think everyone assumes it will be weird, but I think the true strangest part of it is that it doesn't feel different just yet.

I think my problem is that I tended to skip some classes because I am human and honestly don't learn that way. I am a horrible role model. Well I guess I might be good, I still never failed a class? Either way, that is how life went. I had a lot going on and needed to sleep sometimes.

Basically how this related to my point is that so far, it doesn't feel different that I am not in school and out shopping at Walmart. I thought I would feel accomplished and finished and satisfied, but I just feel mildly guilty for skipping classes I am not registered in.

This is really annoying I must say. I am done. I am even done work until the 24th. I should have two weeks of relaxation and rejuvenation. Instead I feel exhausted from constantly thinking I should be somewhere. Guilt is exhausting. Unnecessary guilt is horrendously draining. It is just as much guilt you get when you skip school, or call in sick to work except I have literally nothing to feel guilty for. I think.

I have a few things I need to do in the next two weeks. Such as my Grammie just called and I get to go hang out with her on Friday. And then I need to buy new "work appropriate" clothing because I don't think new job will allow me to wear yellow shoes because I was really pushing the limits before.

I only really started wearing those after working there for two years and they kind of loved me because I was pretty decent at my job. Surprising I know. I complained about it a lot, but they were good to me and I totally got all my work done I promise. They even gave me an award when I left for my "enthusiasm and client-driven attitude" or something to that effect.

Also this week/next week I need to get started working on my novel plot. That is a whole other issue. I also need to plan my November novel which is even more scary because what was going to be a secret/surprise is no longer and now the person is looking forward to it. Crap.

PS: The cutest kids that are sometimes on Ellen that sing and wear tutus must be secretly related to Sandy and I. Two words to help Sandy understand why: Pool Mermaids.

Anyways I am off for now! Be back later! I need to stop using this laptop to write, its not attached to my drawing thing. I guess there are Post-its out here... I will have to go old fashioned.

I am off to fight the guilt monster. Maybe I would feel better if I got dressed... HAHAHA. Just kidding.

Guilt Monster

So its September which normally means back to school. However because I managed to graduate last April I am not going back. This feeling is the strangest feeling that hasn't quite set in yet. I think everyone assumes it will be weird, but I think the true strangest part of it is that it doesn't feel different just yet.

I think my problem is that I tended to skip some classes because I am human and honestly don't learn that way. I am a horrible role model. Well I guess I might be good, I still never failed a class? Either way, that is how life went. I had a lot going on and needed to sleep sometimes.

Basically how this related to my point is that so far, it doesn't feel different that I am not in school and out shopping at Walmart. I thought I would feel accomplished and finished and satisfied, but I just feel mildly guilty for skipping classes I am not registered in.

This is really annoying I must say. I am done. I am even done work until the 24th. I should have two weeks of relaxation and rejuvenation. Instead I feel exhausted from constantly thinking I should be somewhere. Guilt is exhausting. Unnecessary guilt is horrendously draining. It is just as much guilt you get when you skip school, or call in sick to work except I have literally nothing to feel guilty for. I think.

I have a few things I need to do in the next two weeks. Such as my Grammie just called and I get to go hang out with her on Friday. And then I need to buy new "work appropriate" clothing because I don't think new job will allow me to wear yellow shoes because I was really pushing the limits before.

I only really started wearing those after working there for two years and they kind of loved me because I was pretty decent at my job. Surprising I know. I complained about it a lot, but they were good to me and I totally got all my work done I promise. They even gave me an award when I left for my "enthusiasm and client-driven attitude" or something to that effect.

Also this week/next week I need to get started working on my novel plot. That is a whole other issue. I also need to plan my November novel which is even more scary because what was going to be a secret/surprise is no longer and now the person is looking forward to it. Crap.

PS: The cutest kids that are sometimes on Ellen that sing and wear tutus must be secretly related to Sandy and I. Two words to help Sandy understand why: Pool Mermaids.

Anyways I am off for now! Be back later! I need to stop using this laptop to write, its not attached to my drawing thing. I guess there are Post-its out here... I will have to go old fashioned.

I am off to fight the guilt monster. Maybe I would feel better if I got dressed... HAHAHA. Just kidding.

Monday, September 10, 2012

Parking Spot Lottery

When I go shopping I tend to be both lazy and incredibly athletic. How can that make sense? I am too lazy to park in the crowded spots up near the front and will drive to the back of the parking lot to get a pull-through spot.

This usually leads to an easy to escape spot that does not involve backing out or waiting for old people to wander behind my moving vehicle.

I don't do well with the competitive fight for the front row spots. Mostly because I am not patient enough for the process of leaving and also because its basically bumper cars on steroids. Any one who has ever been to Costco knows the true horror and tragedy involved in parking lot wars.

We went there the other day and as you try to find a spot people are backing out of spaces while children run in between moving vehicles and old people slowly meander in the way. I suggested we park at the back but Dave doesn't believe in the simple solutions that I do. However he definitely managed to get the very closest spot, however it took us around ten minutes before the various families and elderly removed themselves from our path. But its still like winning the Parking Spot Lottery because we didn't have to walk too far which is important when your lazy.

Sorry if my attention is limited today. I haven't been home all day. I was running around a lot, I had to go to my new job to sign some stuff and then I had to bus back to where I left my car. Buses during the day are filled with university students who in all honesty I don't mind nearly 1/10th as much as high school kids but I do hate being on busy buses. Then I was in Walmart and then I had to go get Dave and then take him to the doctors and then lunch and then to the evil Costco, and then Canadian Tire and then Walmart again but a different one and then finally home. So I have no attention span because I feel like jelly. You would think going to a real job would be more exhausting then just shopping... but that is part of my charm. I am unbelievably lazy.

I will draw you all a picture later because I am on the wrong computer and I am too lazy to reach my post its. Sorry!

Parking Spot Lottery

When I go shopping I tend to be both lazy and incredibly athletic. How can that make sense? I am too lazy to park in the crowded spots up near the front and will drive to the back of the parking lot to get a pull-through spot.

This usually leads to an easy to escape spot that does not involve backing out or waiting for old people to wander behind my moving vehicle.

I don't do well with the competitive fight for the front row spots. Mostly because I am not patient enough for the process of leaving and also because its basically bumper cars on steroids. Any one who has ever been to Costco knows the true horror and tragedy involved in parking lot wars.

We went there the other day and as you try to find a spot people are backing out of spaces while children run in between moving vehicles and old people slowly meander in the way. I suggested we park at the back but Dave doesn't believe in the simple solutions that I do. However he definitely managed to get the very closest spot, however it took us around ten minutes before the various families and elderly removed themselves from our path. But its still like winning the Parking Spot Lottery because we didn't have to walk too far which is important when your lazy.

Sorry if my attention is limited today. I haven't been home all day. I was running around a lot, I had to go to my new job to sign some stuff and then I had to bus back to where I left my car. Buses during the day are filled with university students who in all honesty I don't mind nearly 1/10th as much as high school kids but I do hate being on busy buses. Then I was in Walmart and then I had to go get Dave and then take him to the doctors and then lunch and then to the evil Costco, and then Canadian Tire and then Walmart again but a different one and then finally home. So I have no attention span because I feel like jelly. You would think going to a real job would be more exhausting then just shopping... but that is part of my charm. I am unbelievably lazy.

I will draw you all a picture later because I am on the wrong computer and I am too lazy to reach my post its. Sorry!

Friday, September 7, 2012

Letters to my Day: Volume 2

Alright, so yesterday I took care of the before work portion. Today I guess I need to do the at work portion.

Dear security people,

I try to smile at you and say good morning, but only one of you ever says it back. I guess your job is even more boring then mine, however at least you don't have to figure out what to wear in the morning. That would be nice. I hate picking out clothes at 5am. I always end up looking like a homeless high school kid.

Sincerely,
Tanya


Dear Elevators,

We had a good run so far. I only almost got stuck in you once, and really you were just moving incredibly slow. Please don't try to trap me today. I know sometimes you apparently like to drop for ten-15 stories but I would prefer if you didn't because it is my last day and I don't have any extra pants.

Sincerely,
Tanya


Dear Computer,

I am glad I got a new version of you, however now your boot up time is slightly too fast so my reading the newspaper looks less okay. Thanks for working some of the time anyways. We had our issues, but you would always pull through in the end. Sorry I stuck so many post-its to you, unless you liked them, then you're welcome.

Sincerely,
Tanya


Dear Dragon Lady,

You will never cease to confuse me. You are nice enough as a person but I really think you need to be mildly sedated. Nothing is as important as you make it seem so please just relax. If the emails don't get printed, the world continues to turn. Its a freaking miracle. Also, people are taking bets as to when you will have a melt down. I am telling you this because I care. And because my date is in two weeks and I need you to hit it. Just kidding. No ones taking bets. That would be inappropriate and rude. I am never either of those things. Anyways, good luck I suppose. Sorry if I hurt your feelings with my efficiency.

Sincerely,
Tanya


Dear Leprechaun,

You for sure need a sedative. Or any other form of drugs. Please calm down before you hurt someone. Also, I will recommend you some brands on conditioner, because as a person with crazy hair I understand the challenges but there are few excuses for this. Good luck with that.

Sincerely,
Tanya


Dear People I will legitimately miss,

There are many people here that were extremely good to me during my time here. You let me wear yellow shoes to a professional building, you let me make a giant super hero and baby animals collage, you let me not have to learn french and most importantly, several of you even pretended to laugh when I made jokes. Thank you so much for being so awesome. You made each day a bit more bearable.

Sincerely,
Tanya


Dear the Bathroom,

I don't understand you. Why don't you ever seem clean. The people here are grown ups. You need a mechanism that doesn't allowed idiots into you. I am sick of walking into your stalls only to find the toilet seat lined with paper and the toilet filled with urine. There should be a time limit from entering the bathroom to peeing. If your pre-peeing routine is so long that you will forget what your supposed to do after you pee, you shouldn't be allowed in. Work on that bathroom.

Sincerely,
Tanya

Dear everyone else,

Either I didn't talk to you, you didn't talk to me or we didn't even the other existed. Some I knew but thought you were strange, and some of you though I was strange. Let's just call it a truce and say that if you work here, you need to be at least 70% crazy 90% of the time. I might be more like 97% crazy 98.5% of the time so I understand your reservations in talking to me.

Sincerely,
Tanya


Dear bus home,

Stop being full of teenagers and stop using the half size buses. School is back and I have very little desire to be smushed up against two idiot teens who thing making out on the bus is romantic.

Sincerely,
Tanya


So that's pretty much it for the good byes. I probably missed someone, but luckily for me (and my ability to ever get references again) they don't really know about this blog. *phew*


Letters to my Day: Volume 2

Alright, so yesterday I took care of the before work portion. Today I guess I need to do the at work portion.

Dear security people,

I try to smile at you and say good morning, but only one of you ever says it back. I guess your job is even more boring then mine, however at least you don't have to figure out what to wear in the morning. That would be nice. I hate picking out clothes at 5am. I always end up looking like a homeless high school kid.

Sincerely,
Tanya


Dear Elevators,

We had a good run so far. I only almost got stuck in you once, and really you were just moving incredibly slow. Please don't try to trap me today. I know sometimes you apparently like to drop for ten-15 stories but I would prefer if you didn't because it is my last day and I don't have any extra pants.

Sincerely,
Tanya


Dear Computer,

I am glad I got a new version of you, however now your boot up time is slightly too fast so my reading the newspaper looks less okay. Thanks for working some of the time anyways. We had our issues, but you would always pull through in the end. Sorry I stuck so many post-its to you, unless you liked them, then you're welcome.

Sincerely,
Tanya


Dear Dragon Lady,

You will never cease to confuse me. You are nice enough as a person but I really think you need to be mildly sedated. Nothing is as important as you make it seem so please just relax. If the emails don't get printed, the world continues to turn. Its a freaking miracle. Also, people are taking bets as to when you will have a melt down. I am telling you this because I care. And because my date is in two weeks and I need you to hit it. Just kidding. No ones taking bets. That would be inappropriate and rude. I am never either of those things. Anyways, good luck I suppose. Sorry if I hurt your feelings with my efficiency.

Sincerely,
Tanya


Dear Leprechaun,

You for sure need a sedative. Or any other form of drugs. Please calm down before you hurt someone. Also, I will recommend you some brands on conditioner, because as a person with crazy hair I understand the challenges but there are few excuses for this. Good luck with that.

Sincerely,
Tanya


Dear People I will legitimately miss,

There are many people here that were extremely good to me during my time here. You let me wear yellow shoes to a professional building, you let me make a giant super hero and baby animals collage, you let me not have to learn french and most importantly, several of you even pretended to laugh when I made jokes. Thank you so much for being so awesome. You made each day a bit more bearable.

Sincerely,
Tanya


Dear the Bathroom,

I don't understand you. Why don't you ever seem clean. The people here are grown ups. You need a mechanism that doesn't allowed idiots into you. I am sick of walking into your stalls only to find the toilet seat lined with paper and the toilet filled with urine. There should be a time limit from entering the bathroom to peeing. If your pre-peeing routine is so long that you will forget what your supposed to do after you pee, you shouldn't be allowed in. Work on that bathroom.

Sincerely,
Tanya

Dear everyone else,

Either I didn't talk to you, you didn't talk to me or we didn't even the other existed. Some I knew but thought you were strange, and some of you though I was strange. Let's just call it a truce and say that if you work here, you need to be at least 70% crazy 90% of the time. I might be more like 97% crazy 98.5% of the time so I understand your reservations in talking to me.

Sincerely,
Tanya


Dear bus home,

Stop being full of teenagers and stop using the half size buses. School is back and I have very little desire to be smushed up against two idiot teens who thing making out on the bus is romantic.

Sincerely,
Tanya


So that's pretty much it for the good byes. I probably missed someone, but luckily for me (and my ability to ever get references again) they don't really know about this blog. *phew*


Spidy!

Its my last day here today, and I am a bit nostalgic and feeling the "graduation effect" where all the sudden everything seems a little less bad.

Although this is mostly because there are lots of people I will miss and because one of my managers is too cool and got me this:

How cute is he!
I am trying to do this "departure form" they make you do and its such a freaking effort. I need to run all over the building collecting signatures. Its basically the lamest treasure hunt ever.

I will write the rest of my letters shortly but I need to run around a bit more for this treasure hunt so I don't get stuck doing it all after lunch because I am hoping if I go hand in my security card I just get to leave.

Be back in a bit (ish - no promises)

Spidy!

Its my last day here today, and I am a bit nostalgic and feeling the "graduation effect" where all the sudden everything seems a little less bad.

Although this is mostly because there are lots of people I will miss and because one of my managers is too cool and got me this:

How cute is he!
I am trying to do this "departure form" they make you do and its such a freaking effort. I need to run all over the building collecting signatures. Its basically the lamest treasure hunt ever.

I will write the rest of my letters shortly but I need to run around a bit more for this treasure hunt so I don't get stuck doing it all after lunch because I am hoping if I go hand in my security card I just get to leave.

Be back in a bit (ish - no promises)

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Letters to my Day: Volume 1

As I have no business in politics, let's get back to my true wheel house: Strange and Weird things that make little to no sense.

I would like to write a series of open letters to the area in which I work because I am leaving in two days and will be going to a new job a few block away. It doesn't sound so far but its a whole new set of things to learn.

Let's start at the beginning of my day.


Dear Alarm Clock,

F@#% you. I will not miss 5 am at all. I will see you in two weeks when I have to go back to work. But for now, shut up and stop being so bright.

Sincerely,
Tanya


Dear School Bag,

I use you because if I didn't I would forget all my passes and keys. I think we work well together, however I would like to know why the hell you are so heavy. There is nothing in you except two notebooks and my wallet and we all know I have no money. Be less heavy you porker.

Sincerely,
Tanya


Dear Mom's Jeep,

Thank you for allowing me to sit in you all the time. However stop leaking oil because it smells bad and makes people nervous.

Sincerely,
Tanya


Dear Bus Witch,

I look forward to having a couple weeks to rid myself of all your voodoo curses you have been mumbling at me every day as you exit the bus. I am almost sure you will still be there should I return, but if you could maybe use your witch craft for good and let me win the lottery I would totally buy you a broomstick so you wouldn't have to ride the bus anymore.

Sincerely,
Tanya


Dear Miscellaneous Bus Drivers,

Every time I get used to one of you, you switch out drivers. That is fair because it is kind of the worst bus route ever. I would like to suggest that you stop using the smaller buses for a route that clearly needs a big one, and also when you pull away from the curb, stop being so evil and wobbly. I fall and its embarrassing and painful.

Sincerely,
Tanya


Dear Newspaper Man,

Good luck and I hope people are nicer to you. Don't let the stuck up downtown people get you down. You should probably get a puppy or a small monkey, I hear that works for other people. Not that you are a beggar, but people love puppies. Better yet, give me a puppy and then I would take all of your newspapers to train my puppy. Do you see how this is a win win situation? I am so smart sometimes.

Sincerely,
Tanya


Dear Tim Horton's Lady,

It is both an honour and an embarrassment that you now know exactly what I want and get it before I even have to say anything. Thank you for not seeming like your judging me even though you probably are.

Sincerely,
Tanya


We haven't even made it into my office yet. Clearly a lot of people have a big impact on me every single day. I think I will come back to this a bit later as the emotion is too much. Well, it would be if I were capable of feeling emotions like a normal person. Although I don't think normal people care about bus witches. That just shows you how nice of a person I am. Sort of. 


Stop eating so many pennies back pack. Too freakin' heavy.


Letters to my Day: Volume 1

As I have no business in politics, let's get back to my true wheel house: Strange and Weird things that make little to no sense.

I would like to write a series of open letters to the area in which I work because I am leaving in two days and will be going to a new job a few block away. It doesn't sound so far but its a whole new set of things to learn.

Let's start at the beginning of my day.


Dear Alarm Clock,

F@#% you. I will not miss 5 am at all. I will see you in two weeks when I have to go back to work. But for now, shut up and stop being so bright.

Sincerely,
Tanya


Dear School Bag,

I use you because if I didn't I would forget all my passes and keys. I think we work well together, however I would like to know why the hell you are so heavy. There is nothing in you except two notebooks and my wallet and we all know I have no money. Be less heavy you porker.

Sincerely,
Tanya


Dear Mom's Jeep,

Thank you for allowing me to sit in you all the time. However stop leaking oil because it smells bad and makes people nervous.

Sincerely,
Tanya


Dear Bus Witch,

I look forward to having a couple weeks to rid myself of all your voodoo curses you have been mumbling at me every day as you exit the bus. I am almost sure you will still be there should I return, but if you could maybe use your witch craft for good and let me win the lottery I would totally buy you a broomstick so you wouldn't have to ride the bus anymore.

Sincerely,
Tanya


Dear Miscellaneous Bus Drivers,

Every time I get used to one of you, you switch out drivers. That is fair because it is kind of the worst bus route ever. I would like to suggest that you stop using the smaller buses for a route that clearly needs a big one, and also when you pull away from the curb, stop being so evil and wobbly. I fall and its embarrassing and painful.

Sincerely,
Tanya


Dear Newspaper Man,

Good luck and I hope people are nicer to you. Don't let the stuck up downtown people get you down. You should probably get a puppy or a small monkey, I hear that works for other people. Not that you are a beggar, but people love puppies. Better yet, give me a puppy and then I would take all of your newspapers to train my puppy. Do you see how this is a win win situation? I am so smart sometimes.

Sincerely,
Tanya


Dear Tim Horton's Lady,

It is both an honour and an embarrassment that you now know exactly what I want and get it before I even have to say anything. Thank you for not seeming like your judging me even though you probably are.

Sincerely,
Tanya


We haven't even made it into my office yet. Clearly a lot of people have a big impact on me every single day. I think I will come back to this a bit later as the emotion is too much. Well, it would be if I were capable of feeling emotions like a normal person. Although I don't think normal people care about bus witches. That just shows you how nice of a person I am. Sort of. 


Stop eating so many pennies back pack. Too freakin' heavy.


I Have no Business Here

I only have one goal today: Don't fall asleep.

I think this is going to be harder than giving birth. I can say this, because I have never given birth so I am going to pretend it is not so bad even though I know better because I took parenting by accident and they make you watch the life-ruining mind-scarring videos.

But point of this. I am really tired. For no real reason other than its coldish and rainy and I want to be snuggled up in bed with a good book and some hot chocolate.

There is a lot in the news about American politics lately. I find it a bit more interesting than Canadian politics, probably because I am the intellectual equivalent of a pug eating a rock but in all honesty there is just more funny things happening with it. There aren't many good jokes about Canadian politicians, they all are equally crazy. Stephen Harper is a robot. I am 100% sure of this and should I meet him one day I will throw a magnet at him and let you know how it goes. Although I am sure the manufacturers would be smart enough to know not to let him be magnetic. Hes probably built of gold or something. That's why I have to pay so many taxes.

Anyways, with all the famous people that I actually pay attention to talking about politics I tend to know more about the American races. More so when I am home during the days in school because then you hear the View with all their "important" opinions. Really, you just end up hearing who ever is loudest and then the blond one screams some. I liked her better when she was on survivor and they made her only eat rice.

I saw something tweeted from the unfairly pretty Oliva Wilde who quoted the good ol' Billy Clints saying he said something about it being unfair to expect Obama to be able to clean up the whole mess in four years. Which I agree with. Its like, the idiot toddler George got America all fat by binge eating for what eight years? And then you expect Obama to be all, well I can get this all buff in no time! No people. If you gain say 40 pounds in a year from eating only Tacos, it will probably take you like... 3 years to lose it unless you are famous and you have a celebrity trainer and your job depends on it.

Maybe that's why they elected Arnie, they thought he would best buff up California. I am so proud of California for that. I know it was a long time ago now, but it just still makes me so happy that of all the movie stars, Arnie was the one who ran that shit. Genius.

Anyways, I have no idea what anything to do with politics really means. I think Obama seems super neat but I know literally nothing of his politics. I mean as a person he seems genuinely excellent. Also his wife could kick your ass and you know it. I don't know anything of the other guy other than he has an unfortunate name. Who names their kid Mitt? Really now. Do parents not remember middle school? Do they just hate their children?

So I am not really taking sides. If I had to pick a side, I would probably just hide until its over - but not really because I am Canadian so I get no vote anyhow.  I just thought it was kind of funny that the republicans are using the excuse that Obama hasn't fixed anything in his first four years, but the reason its messed up in the first place was their Man-child in charge last time. That poor man, comedic gold I tell ya. My law teacher in grade eleven had a little "George a day" flip book. Every day there would be a new terrible quote that made me smile.

Anyways I probably shouldn't post this because me talking about politics is equivalent to asking a bear for tax advice. But I will post it because its the Internet, and I can probably guarantee you somewhere on the Internet you can find a bear giving tax advice so we are even. Sorry about the almost political opinions. Mostly I have an issue with people blaming others for their mistakes. Stupid people...


Obviously accountants wear hats when they give advice.


I don't know how to draw pugs...


I Have no Business Here

I only have one goal today: Don't fall asleep.

I think this is going to be harder than giving birth. I can say this, because I have never given birth so I am going to pretend it is not so bad even though I know better because I took parenting by accident and they make you watch the life-ruining mind-scarring videos.

But point of this. I am really tired. For no real reason other than its coldish and rainy and I want to be snuggled up in bed with a good book and some hot chocolate.

There is a lot in the news about American politics lately. I find it a bit more interesting than Canadian politics, probably because I am the intellectual equivalent of a pug eating a rock but in all honesty there is just more funny things happening with it. There aren't many good jokes about Canadian politicians, they all are equally crazy. Stephen Harper is a robot. I am 100% sure of this and should I meet him one day I will throw a magnet at him and let you know how it goes. Although I am sure the manufacturers would be smart enough to know not to let him be magnetic. Hes probably built of gold or something. That's why I have to pay so many taxes.

Anyways, with all the famous people that I actually pay attention to talking about politics I tend to know more about the American races. More so when I am home during the days in school because then you hear the View with all their "important" opinions. Really, you just end up hearing who ever is loudest and then the blond one screams some. I liked her better when she was on survivor and they made her only eat rice.

I saw something tweeted from the unfairly pretty Oliva Wilde who quoted the good ol' Billy Clints saying he said something about it being unfair to expect Obama to be able to clean up the whole mess in four years. Which I agree with. Its like, the idiot toddler George got America all fat by binge eating for what eight years? And then you expect Obama to be all, well I can get this all buff in no time! No people. If you gain say 40 pounds in a year from eating only Tacos, it will probably take you like... 3 years to lose it unless you are famous and you have a celebrity trainer and your job depends on it.

Maybe that's why they elected Arnie, they thought he would best buff up California. I am so proud of California for that. I know it was a long time ago now, but it just still makes me so happy that of all the movie stars, Arnie was the one who ran that shit. Genius.

Anyways, I have no idea what anything to do with politics really means. I think Obama seems super neat but I know literally nothing of his politics. I mean as a person he seems genuinely excellent. Also his wife could kick your ass and you know it. I don't know anything of the other guy other than he has an unfortunate name. Who names their kid Mitt? Really now. Do parents not remember middle school? Do they just hate their children?

So I am not really taking sides. If I had to pick a side, I would probably just hide until its over - but not really because I am Canadian so I get no vote anyhow.  I just thought it was kind of funny that the republicans are using the excuse that Obama hasn't fixed anything in his first four years, but the reason its messed up in the first place was their Man-child in charge last time. That poor man, comedic gold I tell ya. My law teacher in grade eleven had a little "George a day" flip book. Every day there would be a new terrible quote that made me smile.

Anyways I probably shouldn't post this because me talking about politics is equivalent to asking a bear for tax advice. But I will post it because its the Internet, and I can probably guarantee you somewhere on the Internet you can find a bear giving tax advice so we are even. Sorry about the almost political opinions. Mostly I have an issue with people blaming others for their mistakes. Stupid people...


Obviously accountants wear hats when they give advice.


I don't know how to draw pugs...


Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Really Canada?

So as you all may or may not know, I am Canadian. I am pretty pleased with my country of residence for the most part. When I break bones, someone heals me, when I am snowed-in my house, someone will eventually plow my road.

As you may have read previously I have a small issue with the new bills. I know there is apparently all kinds of controversy about them now regarding some woman being removed, but I did not know this and just concern myself more with Kate Whats-her-face being a scientist.

I have a new issue with the money though.

Last night, we went to the bank so Dave could get cash out to buy his enormous TV for the home theater we are building in the basement and because Costco is evil smart and doesn't believe in credit cards you need cash or excessively high debit card limits. We chose cash. So Dave got the however much money (burglars don't even think of robbing him... he has anger problems and ninja training) and as we got into the car his phone rang. He was talking on the phone while he double checked the number of bills and he kept flipping the money into my nose. I obviously had no clue why so I was all : "WTF stop!"

He then hung up the phone and explained his erratic behaviour by saying: "It smells like maple syrup" to which I responded, "So we need to go to the hospital then because you are having a stroke" (but only in my head because usually he is right about weird things like this and then I look twice as crazy for doubting him). I think he noticed the disbelief on my face, or he just liked to slap me in the face with a wad of money because he again hit me in the nose. This time I knew to smell and I was instantly convinced I was  crazy and delusional because I legitimately smelled something vaguely resembling maple syrup, or at least what a scented candle would smell like if it was the cheap dollar store variety.

He explained that its among the many new features of these increasingly ridiculous new bills. Not only that, but in one of the maple leafs on the thing, if you shine a laser through it you can see numbers. Although reading about it seems as though lasers will make it explode or something. I am not 100% sure because I don't have the attention span to read it.
All I had to say was: "We aren't a joke enough to the other countries, but now we have scratch and sniff money?"

He was too busy being excited for his TV to realize I am a comedic genius but I am sure I will be appreciated one day... Probably just ahead of my time.

I can't be sure if its legit or not. Its not on the mint website, but I guess they wouldn't want to brag about having scratch and sniff money in case the other Americas get fed up with being associated with us and take over once and for all. I hope not though. There money is so boring.

At least now, blind people will be able to know if you are short changing them. Once they roll this out they can be all, "hey you owe me one maple syrup and three ice rinks not two beaver tails and one poutine!" Is that offensive? Probably. Sorry. Before my time again.



That top word is supposed to say Mountie but I spelled it wrong because I am really smart like that.
I blame google for not working when I need it


Really Canada?

So as you all may or may not know, I am Canadian. I am pretty pleased with my country of residence for the most part. When I break bones, someone heals me, when I am snowed-in my house, someone will eventually plow my road.

As you may have read previously I have a small issue with the new bills. I know there is apparently all kinds of controversy about them now regarding some woman being removed, but I did not know this and just concern myself more with Kate Whats-her-face being a scientist.

I have a new issue with the money though.

Last night, we went to the bank so Dave could get cash out to buy his enormous TV for the home theater we are building in the basement and because Costco is evil smart and doesn't believe in credit cards you need cash or excessively high debit card limits. We chose cash. So Dave got the however much money (burglars don't even think of robbing him... he has anger problems and ninja training) and as we got into the car his phone rang. He was talking on the phone while he double checked the number of bills and he kept flipping the money into my nose. I obviously had no clue why so I was all : "WTF stop!"

He then hung up the phone and explained his erratic behaviour by saying: "It smells like maple syrup" to which I responded, "So we need to go to the hospital then because you are having a stroke" (but only in my head because usually he is right about weird things like this and then I look twice as crazy for doubting him). I think he noticed the disbelief on my face, or he just liked to slap me in the face with a wad of money because he again hit me in the nose. This time I knew to smell and I was instantly convinced I was  crazy and delusional because I legitimately smelled something vaguely resembling maple syrup, or at least what a scented candle would smell like if it was the cheap dollar store variety.

He explained that its among the many new features of these increasingly ridiculous new bills. Not only that, but in one of the maple leafs on the thing, if you shine a laser through it you can see numbers. Although reading about it seems as though lasers will make it explode or something. I am not 100% sure because I don't have the attention span to read it.
All I had to say was: "We aren't a joke enough to the other countries, but now we have scratch and sniff money?"

He was too busy being excited for his TV to realize I am a comedic genius but I am sure I will be appreciated one day... Probably just ahead of my time.

I can't be sure if its legit or not. Its not on the mint website, but I guess they wouldn't want to brag about having scratch and sniff money in case the other Americas get fed up with being associated with us and take over once and for all. I hope not though. There money is so boring.

At least now, blind people will be able to know if you are short changing them. Once they roll this out they can be all, "hey you owe me one maple syrup and three ice rinks not two beaver tails and one poutine!" Is that offensive? Probably. Sorry. Before my time again.



That top word is supposed to say Mountie but I spelled it wrong because I am really smart like that.
I blame google for not working when I need it


Silent Conversations

I am pretty sure the people in my workplace can read minds.

When you walk the halls here and pass little pods of people together in the halls, you can never hear them saying words. And not in the creepy "I know they were talking about me and just stopped because I am standing here" kind of way but there just is no noise coming out of them.

I am pretty sure that once you have been here long enough that they implant some kind of communicating chip that connects you to the frequency of the other employees so that no one ever needs to speak. It is really the only explanation. It is not humanly possible to whisper so quietly that I can't hear it when I am standing right next to you but that the person sitting two feet away can hear you loud and clear enough to nod, smile, and laugh at the appropriate times.

I mean, let's face it, I have always been a little challenged on the whole "indoor voice" front but this is such an unrealistic extreme its no wonder I don't fit in here.

When people try to have their silent conversations with me, I never end up catching 90% of the things they say and then when they expect me to remember later they get offended. I mean the least this place could do would be to teach us sign language. I don't read lips, I am really not capable of doing it on a regular basis. Please just say real words to me. Or, better yet, send me an email? I can always read things. Unless they make no sense which is surprisingly as common as the silent conversations.

Today I need to get to cleaning out my desk and cabinets. Also, I need to start figuring out how I am going to get my collage home. its just so excessive and delicate. Some of these pictures are two years old now and probably going to rip before I get them home if I am not careful.

On a completely random note, Avengers comes out on bluray/dvd in just under 3 weeks! I found out that Walmart will be selling it with a graphic novel so that will be the one I get. I tend to always buy movies that come with the coolest extras. If I am going to spend 30$ on a movie, I may as well get a free comic book/finger puppets/book marks with it right? That's just good business.

I am so excited to watch it again!! My life is a bit sad that this is the only thing I have to look forward to though. You would think I would be a little more distraught about it, but I really am not.

Silent Conversations

I am pretty sure the people in my workplace can read minds.

When you walk the halls here and pass little pods of people together in the halls, you can never hear them saying words. And not in the creepy "I know they were talking about me and just stopped because I am standing here" kind of way but there just is no noise coming out of them.

I am pretty sure that once you have been here long enough that they implant some kind of communicating chip that connects you to the frequency of the other employees so that no one ever needs to speak. It is really the only explanation. It is not humanly possible to whisper so quietly that I can't hear it when I am standing right next to you but that the person sitting two feet away can hear you loud and clear enough to nod, smile, and laugh at the appropriate times.

I mean, let's face it, I have always been a little challenged on the whole "indoor voice" front but this is such an unrealistic extreme its no wonder I don't fit in here.

When people try to have their silent conversations with me, I never end up catching 90% of the things they say and then when they expect me to remember later they get offended. I mean the least this place could do would be to teach us sign language. I don't read lips, I am really not capable of doing it on a regular basis. Please just say real words to me. Or, better yet, send me an email? I can always read things. Unless they make no sense which is surprisingly as common as the silent conversations.

Today I need to get to cleaning out my desk and cabinets. Also, I need to start figuring out how I am going to get my collage home. its just so excessive and delicate. Some of these pictures are two years old now and probably going to rip before I get them home if I am not careful.

On a completely random note, Avengers comes out on bluray/dvd in just under 3 weeks! I found out that Walmart will be selling it with a graphic novel so that will be the one I get. I tend to always buy movies that come with the coolest extras. If I am going to spend 30$ on a movie, I may as well get a free comic book/finger puppets/book marks with it right? That's just good business.

I am so excited to watch it again!! My life is a bit sad that this is the only thing I have to look forward to though. You would think I would be a little more distraught about it, but I really am not.

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Attack Monkeys

Because each and everyone of you failed to provide questions for me, the Q&A is not going to happen. If I was better at twitter I am sure I could find some there. Instead I will just tell you about my tiny notebook.

I have a little tiny note book. Well I have many of them. I buy them in packs of two at Staples for a few cents and they amuse me. They are tiny composition notebooks and I have used them for a variety of things.

I use ones for tracking what I eat in a day when I am being a good and smart dieter. I use one for writing down book ideas and plot points. And I now have one for my blog. So, mother, that is where my drawings go.

This tiny notebook has most of my post-it drawings stuck into the pages as well as various notes of things I can write about one day.

The main problem with this notebook is that my notes never make sense. I write them, and then forget about them for a week and when I look back at them I no longer remember what the hell "Google Attack Monkeys" means. However I will look into it because I am a responsible writer.



Oh right. how awesome and terrible is this? You have one monkey all distractingly adorable, and this guy is all "Oh, tiny monkey, you are so cute. Would you like a small snack?" All the while his second in command is all "STICK TO THE FACE BITCH!" and then poor guy is all unconscious and the monkeys steal your shoes.

So moral of the story is ... I keep my crazy in a tiny notebook. Its safer that way.

Its so full of crazy that is leaks out a bit.

Attack Monkeys

Because each and everyone of you failed to provide questions for me, the Q&A is not going to happen. If I was better at twitter I am sure I could find some there. Instead I will just tell you about my tiny notebook.

I have a little tiny note book. Well I have many of them. I buy them in packs of two at Staples for a few cents and they amuse me. They are tiny composition notebooks and I have used them for a variety of things.

I use ones for tracking what I eat in a day when I am being a good and smart dieter. I use one for writing down book ideas and plot points. And I now have one for my blog. So, mother, that is where my drawings go.

This tiny notebook has most of my post-it drawings stuck into the pages as well as various notes of things I can write about one day.

The main problem with this notebook is that my notes never make sense. I write them, and then forget about them for a week and when I look back at them I no longer remember what the hell "Google Attack Monkeys" means. However I will look into it because I am a responsible writer.



Oh right. how awesome and terrible is this? You have one monkey all distractingly adorable, and this guy is all "Oh, tiny monkey, you are so cute. Would you like a small snack?" All the while his second in command is all "STICK TO THE FACE BITCH!" and then poor guy is all unconscious and the monkeys steal your shoes.

So moral of the story is ... I keep my crazy in a tiny notebook. Its safer that way.

Its so full of crazy that is leaks out a bit.

Back to School

This year is the first year I am not enrolled in school in 4 years. Before that, I did correspondence / a semester of college and before that, I was in high school. So needless to say, this September feels a little empty.

I am sure once October comes and everyone I know is freaking out in midterms and assignments and all I have to worry about is what my Nano novel will be about or if we have enough Halloween candy stocked up I will be fairly pleased. It's just that right now, I feel very strange.

I don't want to be in school at all. I never enjoyed school the way most people who pay six grand a year are supposed to. I don't really enjoy learning about things when I am expected to retain and regurgitate it. I have known for a while that I would not be able to go for my masters right away which without it renders my degree mostly useless. I don't even really know if I will ever go, for many reasons, including money, time, effort and my marks aren't good enough to even get in anyways. But, I can't say that I never will because in theory, having a masters would make me sound fairly smart - won't necessarily make me smart, but I could fool the masses.

So, all this to say is I don't miss school at all, but some how I still feel like I should be there.

Now, on the other hand, I started university two years later then most people do. I had been out in the real world for almost two full years before I stepped foot in a university classroom. Not only was I out of the high school frame of mind, but I had all kinds of crazy situations that had probably made me age ten years. Keep in mind, that I hate teenagers when I was a teenager and I think you can see the issue.

Going to school in first year for me, was like babysitting without getting paid. It was like I was stuck in a room of toddlers and for some reason was paying thousands to be there. Now, I do admit I am not the most mature person out there. Not even close. But having to spend the first month of my school year sitting in a giant auditorium behind ditsy blond ass holes who only talk about how awesome prom was almost killed me. I have problems paying attention. Classrooms are kind of the worst place for me to be in because the second someone is playing solitaire on their laptop in front of me I no longer care what the teacher says, so if the blond idiots who will never pass first year are constantly flipping through their skanky prom pictures my brain can do nothing except watch and think of snarky remarks.

Here is a small tip for teenagers entering University/college: If you want to look at pictures or play games, no one cares I promise. Just sit at the back. I don't know who you think you are kidding, but if you sit at the front and play pac man, people will see and then they can't focus. Also, get over prom. It happened, you were probably so drunk and it was so funny, but its over. Get over it.

Needless to say I am in a bad mood. As I walked to work this morning I saw a small fleet of Frosh week people standing in my way. This alone wouldn't be so bad, however they dared to start to sing Spice Girls. I know everyone loves the Spice Girls and that I have no right to claim them on behalf of my generation, but when you are not even old enough to have tried on platform sneakers when they were popular, please don't sing their songs at those who were. Or if you are going to sing their songs, at least sing them right because its offensive not to. They are an international treasure and deserve some respect.

But, teenagers as you enter university/college remember this one thing: Don't be an I.D.I.O.T. If you aren't going to pay attention in class, don't go. Unless attendance is marked and then go, but leave at the break.

This is a long ranty post about stupid teens. Hopefully if you are a teen and you are reading this, you will be less annoying to the people around you. but chances are if you made it far enough to this point you are not the ones I am talking about, you are probably one like I was who hates their own kind.

Good Luck at school young folks!

This is a picture of me infiltrating the I.D.I.O.T group and slowly burning them until they get less annoying.
Some call it torture, some call it operant conditioning.
Thank you Bachelor in Psychology for teaching me how to train people.
20 grand well spent.

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