Monday, December 31, 2012

New Year New Computer

I a most likely unnecessary purchase, I bought a new computer. Well... technically I bought it a few days ago but it just arrived today.

I have no idea how to use windows 8... there are too many things that make no sense. Why my computer needs apps is beyond me. But I will try to figure it out.

My theory of buying it involved it being extremely on sale, and I like new toys. Also, I wanted a better computer for the next year because I plan to start writing my books. I can't focus when I am writing on my crappy old laptop that I have had forever. (By forever I mean second year university, so really not all that long...)

I wanted something a little bit more trusty though. That one doesn't hold a charge so if you unplug it you have about 10 minutes to save everything before you're doomed. So it was basically a desktop computer, but because I hated the keyboard I had to get a second one which then took up my entire desk. Highly unpractical.

If I am going to pretend to be a writer, I should at least have the tools to pretend right? Anyways... I thought you should know that I have a new computer. I need to install all my software and what not so I can use my fancy tablet thinger for drawing. I also need to teach this computer that "thinger" is a perfectly acceptable word.

confused

Friday, December 28, 2012

Merry Bloatmas

Here is a haiku for you:

Pants too tight for me
Belly hanging over edge
Need to join a gym.

I wish it weren't so freaking expensive to join the gym. I want to use their machines, but it costs so much money. I should probably look into it though because I can't wear sweatpants to work and my jeans are slightly too tight right now.

Dave and I had technically 7 Christmases in 3 days. We still have one left.

Here's how it went down:

1. Dec 23 - Dad's family Christmas

2. Dec 24- Dad came over for me him and Sandy's thing

3. Dec 24 - Dave's Parents appeared at the same time

4. Dec 24 - Cousin Christmas - arguable my favorite Christmas. No offense everyone else, but there is something special about our own tradition we have maintained for I believe we worked it out to be 8 years on our own with just the four of us.

5. Dec 25 - Mom's for breakfast - I woke up early and made crepe batter and brought it over and made many many crepes! Grammie and Grampie came over, hopefully they enjoyed their gifts and their breakfast!

6. Dec 25 - Aunty's for Dinner - tasty turkey and yummy taters and good times giving nerdy gifts to the girls.

7. Dec 25 - Dave's grandparent's house which was a lot of singing Christmas songs over Skype... the same three songs over and over. I don't mind Christmas carols, but I don't fully get why we had to ding the same ones each time? But at least we made it there.

Now, tomorrow night we are going to Dave's mom's house for ANOTHER dinner.

So needless to say... I have been eating a lot. However I still just want to keep eating. I need to get a tape worm or something. Then I can continuously eat but then it will stop me from getting fat. It will probably kill me... but at least I could eat ice cream more often.... That's a horrible thing to say. I do not condone weird bugs inside of you to make you thin. That is just gross.

I am currently watching the episode of Full House where "Mister Stephanie" accidentally cuts Uncle Jesse's mullet off and then he gets in a motorcycle accident so he has two broken arms and is currently trying to make cereal. Good times. Its Danny Tanner pep talk time everyone!

Friday, December 21, 2012

Happy Apocalypse!

Dec 21st is here! As mentioned before I don't know much about this planned end of the world, so I don't know if it was supposed to be midnight or some other random time, but so far so good. It's a crazy blizzard up here in Canada though. It's really beautiful when you don't have to drive anywhere.

I have nowhere to be today. I should start cleaning but I am very tired and lazy so that might be a while still. Currently I am watching the second half of Home Alone 2. I keep missing the first half so I can't tape it for Dave. He loves these movies. I figured out the other day that one of the bad guys in this is Phil from City Slickers.

This morning when we saw the snow, Dave started plowing the lane way with his fancy four-wheeler and once I shoveled the walkway I decided we needed a snowman.

He's Four snowballs high because Dave thought that would be more awesome. He looks a little goofy. He needs more arms maybe? He can be like that monster from Monsters Inc. I will try to find a picture so you can understand... I can't find him right now. But just... figure it out yourself maybe.

The Grinch is on! I love this movie.

I am not really having anything important or relevant to say, I just wanted you to know I am still alive for now. and its super pretty out.

IMG-20121221-00133

Merry Christmas!

 

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Monkey See Monkey Awesome

SO, a few weeks ago now the best thing happened.

A Monkey got loose at IKEA.

Not just any monkey, but a monkey wearing a coat.

Not just any coat, a fancy sheepskin looking coat.

Don't believe me?

 



That's right my friends.

So many of my favorite things. Monkeys, IKEA and goofy costumes.

Its just, too awesome? I mean, people, look at him. Is there anything better?

Hardly.

Except maybe a pug. I really want one. I am going to get one soon and then this entire blog will just be my pug in goofy outfits. And then you will all hate me. And I will lose all my friends and slowly go crazy because without my friends to talk to while I go to the job stealing all my life source and keep me sane all the crazy will get out everywhere and I will melt into a puddle of scary metaphors and ridiculously detailed run on sentences that will never happen hopefully...

This is not a very good post. I should go talk to humans now.

 

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

End of the World

So, according to some folks that Friday Dec 21 2012 is the end of the world. I am a little fuzzy on whether it's in the morning or at night or sometime during the day, but according to some calendar the worlds over.

What I don't understand is ... my calendar ends every year and I don't think the worlds ending. Is it more true because its old? I have some really old calendars in some random drawers, they are not more accurate than the new ones.

Perhaps there is just another Mayan calendar? maybe there is a "page 2" somewhere that was never found. I really know nothing of this because I am extremely uneducated on things I don't care about because I am lazy like that, so instead, here are a few things that I would be okay with ending instead of the whole world.

1: Advertisements on YouTube videos that pop up on the bottom of the window and bug me...and then when you go to close them they suddenly grow taller and then you click the ad and end up on some horrible website.

2: Working at a job I hate but I would like to keep the paycheck...or win the lottery.

3: World Hunger... I should be less selfish.

Things I would like to happen after Dec 21st:

1: Foods with a lot of calories should make you lose weight instead of gain weight.

2: sitting in a chair should make you muscles grow.

3:How I Met Your Mother should get another season... I am not done with it yet.

4: The lottery needs to be more winnable. only by me though.

So it's almost Christmas. I have been overly distracted from you my lovely blog friends. But, I will do what I can to be better and more focused.

Does anyone understand why the end of the Mayan calendar means the end of the world? I just don't get it. And having an anxiety disorder does not really do well with all this doomsday stuff so I don't really watch those "documentaries" so maybe I don't want to go.

If I don't ever talk to you again, the internet, it was nice knowing you. I hope it isn't you lost in the end of the world. That would be unfortunate.

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

ITS CHRISTMAS... well almost

Ladies, Gentlemen, and the voices in my head without defined genders (don't worry mom I'm kidding... they totally have genders.) It is DECEMBER.

I know, you're thinking its been December for twelve days, wake the eff up. Well here is the thing. I have been busy okay. I know I used that excuse all of November but I promise it was mostly true. I had crafts to make, obscene quantities of cookies to eat and tree to set up.

You know, if you are not directly related to me you may not understand that I super love Christmas. I don't know why I do, but I really do. Most of the time. At least in theory. It always becomes a big hassle in the end but in theory its magical.

People tend to give it a bad rap because they are all "blah blah commercialization of Jesus" well, to those people, I am not religious. I like the commercialization. I like trying to figure out gifts I can give to the people I love just to make them smile. I like having twinkly lights on my house so that it makes people happy when they drive by. I like eating disgusting quantities of Christmas cookies.

So if you don't like eating cookies, being creative or lights... then I am afraid that a small part of you might be dead. Don't feel bad though. Most of me is dead, pretty much all that's left is the part that loves Christmas and the part the loves ice cream.

So, I don't have anything really interesting to say. I just felt really bad not updating this. I miss you all... even though I talk to you all in real life all the time. If anyone is not someone I talk to ... then you are bonus points awesome. People I talk to probably feel obligated to read this, if you're doing it voluntarily you are super cool. Those who feel obligated are also pretty awesome though, so don't feel bad.

I am going to go wrap some more presents. I will put some pictures up soon!!

Oh also, go check out Am I Cool Enough for a Moustache. It's an instant classic. I swear. I am not biased I promise.

MOUSTACHE POWER!

OH! PS: HAPPY BIRTHDAY AUNTY! I know you don't read this but I am saying it anyways. I hope you like your comic book and shelf!!!

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Am I Cool Enough for a Moustache?

Everyone! My long-awaited book release is upon us.

Normal Books is proud to present: Am I Cool Enough for a Moustache? The quiz to determine whether you are worthy of sporting that ever elusive moustache.

As you can see the tab up top is in place with a bit more information including the link to where you can purchase this glorious and informative book. The site is safe and I have used it several times and am always pleased with the quality.

So please go read the blurb on the other page (http://www.yellowshoesinthecity.com/am-i-cool-enough-for-a-moustache/) and check out the book!

More books coming soon.

Or Maybe Not.

Please find below my horoscope from the free paper today:
A change in your work routine coming your way. You'll get to take on more responsibility. Or maybe not. Appreciate your mate's uniqueness. Don't ask for any favors now.

Really? Or maybe not. WTF is that shit?

You give me these promises of new responsibilities and a more exciting job just to be like, or your life will continue on the same forever you idiot.

Now I don't believe in horoscopes. Especially those from the free paper. I mean, unless they say something awesome like "Hey Tanya, you think you have been doing a crappy job at life so look three pages further for a free $100000 cheque." That almost never happens though, and if it did, someone had already taken the cheque. Greedy assholes.

Who writes these things though? I don't even understand. It's just a collection of two-three fortune cookie sentences that make absolutely no sense. Or maybe not.

You can add that on to any sentence and then instantly you are no longer responsible if something doesn't go according to plan. I guess this only works with horoscopes because in the rest of the world this wouldn't fly.

Examples:

Doctor: "Here is your baby all cleaned up out of the womb! It's a boy! Or maybe not."

Mechanic: "Here are your keys! I changed the oil, rotated the tires and replaced the break lines. Or maybe not."

Babysitter: "Your kid is perfectly safe with me! Or maybe not."

Accountant: "I paid the bills. Or maybe not."

I think the only people who can get away with it are the creative people. Like me... I could say "This blog post is finished..... OR MAYBE NOT!" and then go on for another three hours about useless crap which I know you will all love so much because you like me... or maybe not...

Today is so filled with confusion now. All day every time someone says something I am going to be thinking... or maybe not. I cannot wait to go home and hide from the world where I get to appreciate "the uniqueness of my mate". I am pretty sure that's astrologist for: He will do something annoying or weird and I will have to pretend it normal.

I will make a separate post shortly about the exciting news I have for you all! Or maybe not....(But I probably will)

 

 

Friday, November 23, 2012

Scratch Card Logic

So, today is not going very well for me so far. I assume this means that something really awesome is destined to happen today. Or that I will die. But let us all hope for the first option okay?

So here is my totally logical reasoning that may or may not highlight my slight gambling addiction.

Do you know when you buy one of those scratch cards? Like the Bingo or the Crossword or the no-longer-available-but-was-the-best-because-i-always-won Tetris? Well, when you are playing those and you are scratching off the letters/numbers/pieces etc, and you are winning right up from the start and you're getting all kinds of squares and words lining up perfectly and you are thinking "Oh my god, I am totally going to win the $75,000!" and then they only give the worst letters/numbers by the last few when you are one space away from winning? That's part of the logic.

You see, when ever I have had a scratch ticket, I am going to go with Crossword for now because its easiest to explain and I have no words at all forming. I have like three tiles scratched off and they are in no way making words, then all the sudden you reveal the elusive E or A and then all goes according to plan and all the sudden you have like 5 words and 100$. This has actually happened to me. I literally won $100 without knowing it. I thought I had maybe won $3 but nope, the man at that gas station put the ticket through the blue machine and out popped the happiest song we all know and love and across that glorious screen read: "WINNER! $100!" and then I thought it was some kind of mistake so I ran away like a criminal.

Moral of the story, When things seem to be going awful, they are just trying to trick you so that you will be so surprised when you all the sudden get something awesome. When things are going to well, the world will make you trip over a curb and make you fall on your ass in the middle of a busy downtown street in front of a bus and a taxi and several other people walking to work at 7AM. This is a metaphor obviously, totally didn't happen to me today. Just like how I most definitely did not kick my entire foot on the metal leg of my desk. Nope, just a normal day for me.

Now, please excuse me while I go mend what ever shattered remnants I can find of my pride.

 

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

52540

I made a typo on my Facebook. Its only 52540 not 53. whoops. I am not changing it because that will make me sad.

Moral of the story: I am done my Nano Novel. Problem with this is that its early. That sounds like it could be a good thing but I am a bit competitive, but only against myself and last year me kicked this year me's ass.

Last year me made it to 50k on day 14, this year it took me until the 18th. also last year me didn't stop there, but continued on until the novel was 93k words. There is not 93k for this years book so that's not really the end of the world. The main thing that I am sad about is that my average words per day chart is going to become merely average. But I am done, so there's nothing more to add. 

Good thing about this: I have extra time for the various other crafts/editing I had planned. Because I am an idiot apparently and think that christmas time isn't busy enough without having 200 different projects on the go. Hopefully people like home-made things because that's what several of you are getting! Well some.. I found some cool pre-made things that you will receive.

However, the biggest and most awesome joy about being done Nano: I can focus more on CHRISTMAS!

If you couldn't tell, I am a big ol'Christmas enthusiast. not because I am religious, because I really am not, but I think it is because I like a good game. The most challenging game ever is: What do you get ____? In which you have to figure out what you are going to buy all the important people in your life that they don't already have, someone else hasn't bought them, and actually want.

It is nearly impossible for so many people, but the moment you find the right gift its a moment of pure happiness, followed by several weeks/days (depending on when you get it) of panicking they wont like it.

See, where a lot of people whine about the commercialization of Christmas, I thrive on it. If there is one thing that I am sometimes sort-of good at, it's getting good gifts. I am not good at expressing feelings or understanding dramatic situations, but if you are in the market for a Monty Python gag gift, or an Xmen homemade sweater, I am your gal.

The best thing about finding the perfect gift is that it doesn't matter AT ALL how much it costs. The best gifts come from inside jokes. Take the book me and Crystal wrote for Sandy two years ago. It was a short and weird book that literally came to be because I made a weird noise while holding a horse statue. We left the store without it and then that night it all clicked. I needed to write a story about that ridiculous horse, name him Fierce and then have him encounter all kinds of weird situations. I then went, bought the horse, and informed Crystal that she was helping me whether or not she wanted to (Obviously she did because who doesn't want to write a story about a Fierce horse?) and then in several 2am writing sessions, Fierce was born. The weirdest book you will NEVER read (unless you are one of the 4 cousins, then you better memorize it because it's just going to be a part of our lives forever).

(This post is weirdly long but I owe you 19 days worth so I am going to keep typing.)

So Crystal and I wrapped up the book underneath the giant horse statue, and stared at Sandy probably with the most creepy and excited faces ever, and she pretended o think the horse was genuinely awesome. As if the thing her cousin and sister were so excited about was an angry horse. She probably does actually like it because it's a horse and its Sandy, but that was just the side gift. As she was holding it and all "Ooo this is nice-ing" we were like... Not done sandy, open the rest. Then I think I heard a sigh of relief and she found the smaller package in the box. (Side note, wrapping that horse was damn near impossible. To find a box big enough involved much effort)

She opened the little paper back and it took her a minute of looking between the book and the Giant horse (as I had taken a picture and made it look all fancy for the cover) and then finally reading the "by Tanya and Crystal" line she simply said "You wrote me a book?" and then laugh/cried. And then I almost cried. But that would be dangerous because my circuit board would need to get replaced and the Christmas rates are ridiculous.

There is nothing like making someone cry... of joy. Not sadness that's just mean. But seeing someone so happy their eyes start leaking is just a super great feeling. I am glad Sandy has the ever-important gene from our family in which laughter at too high of intensity results in tears almost immediately.

So, this is a long-ass post that pretty much sums up to: I like to make people cry. That can't be it? I like Christmas? Yes.. that's probably less offensive (sort of)

Welcome back Tanya... you are stranger then ever.



My captions aren't working for this picture so: This is the actual cover to the book you will never read. It is a picture of the very big and extremely menacing statue of Fierce.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Sorry!

I promise I will write a new post about something interesting soon. I am stuck in NanoLand and have 36364 words right now and had wanted to finish by the 14th. hats super not going to happen but whatever.

I will draw your some pictures and tell you stupid stories later! However seeing as how I think all my readers talk to me very often its not the end of the world.

Thanks! Talk to you soon!

Monday, November 5, 2012

NANO-CRAZY

I know I haven't updated but I have been busy okay? I am busy novelling away and so far so good. I am up to over 16000 words (I can't remember the number right now) but my brain is already going a little bonkers.

I keep getting really mad when I don't beat my last years numbers. Also, I had a goal to write 10, 000 words on Saturday and failed because I was really busy watching Donald Glover's stand up on YouTube. Productive.

Last year Nano was my way to procrastinate from school work, this year I have no school work to procrastinate from. I did get to around 7500 words on Saturday, most of which were after 10 pm when I realized the time.

Anyways, I just wanted to give you a quick update on my guilty conscience. He is less annoying if I picture him like Christian Bale's batman. At least then when he yells at me I can giggle when he turns his back.

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween Everyone!

Today is a very fancy day for some. You get to wear costumes and act goofy and people give you free candy because of really strange social conventions.

For me however, it is Nanowrimo Eve.

I start my month of literary abandon tomorrow. I wish I didn't have to work. There is going to be such miniscule levels of focus tomorrow. My head will be in the land I created last year and am following up on this year.

I am pretty excited. However, my theory was that because two years ago I, along with my lovely co-author Crystal, wrote the really weird and fabulous instant best seller "Fierce" as a christmas gift for Sandy, and then last year I wrote "Pentagonia" for Crystal (less awesome but longer by a lot because it was my first Nano book and I was a super keener), this year it should be Kris' turn to get a book.

See, every year on Christmas Eve Kris, Crystal, Sandy and I gather and have a fabulous time eating pizza, playing Mario Kart and doing other dorky things. We exchange gifts and they are aways awesome and random and fun. This book theory has taken it up a notch on my creative skills. I get to think of not only a card size story, but a whole book. And then I get to design the Cover, and also some kind of attached gift. (Sandy got the ever awesome Fierce statue, Crystal got the Key to Pentagonia, Kris will get something which I can't say in case he ever reads this.) He already knows about the book I think.

My main problem is he hasn't read the second in the "series" which changes style dramatically from the first. Oh well. Even if he hates it I am still going to write it.

I was working on editing the last one a bit yesterday. Holy moly do I feel bad trying to force people to read that. Which makes me feel a bit awkward about giving them as gifts... Sorry cousins... I mean well...

I love how I came here to discuss Halloween and instead I am talking about Christmas. Go me?

I am not really a big Halloween person. I dressed up this year and had fun at Crystal's party or pre-party or whatever it was. My costume turned out decent and Crystals costume turned out awesome and Dave's was intensely cheesy and together we were the coolest Batman, Riddler and Two-face EVER. Probably... I mean, we must be right?

Anyways, this has gotten horribly off track so I should go.

Happy Halloween!

[caption id="attachment_198" align="alignnone" width="2592"] something here is off...[/caption]

 

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

100!

That's right folks. we are at 100 posts. If you have read all of them, you deserve a medal or knighthood or something. Perhaps I will have a Yellow Shoes Knighting ceremony. Me and the queen are no longer on speaking terms so it's not like she would help me. Even though the only people to have read any/all of these are most likely related to me, it's still nice to have been read - and it's still fun to write.

I tried to think up something momentous and awesome to celebrate this fine day but my brain is a bit snoozy. Also distracted. Today I had to go to the mall which was an endeavour. It really shouldn't have been, however I only have an hour and I had a lot to do and a hurt ankle so the fast-walking I usually do was uncomfortable.

In the mall, I was mildly amused/upset at the sight of American Apparel. This is not a store I ever shop at mostly because I have no money and also because I don't think I have ever even been in their store. But ni their window displayed as what I can only hope are Halloween costumes (you can never be sure with the hipsters everywhere) was the outfits of the girls of Sailor Moon.

Sailor Moon, one of my favourite TV shows in the 90s, reborn in what can be assumed is a very expensive form of sketchy things. The people who shop there are probably too young to know who they are. Which will make it really annoying. I hardly remember the show... which makes me really sad. I would try to find it on the internet however I believe the Canadian version was edited a lot and I have no interest in the non-edited one as I heard it was inappropriate.

So, other than that I found what I went for: A Green Blazer for my Riddler costume. This is a really boring post for the 100th. Oh you know what! IDEA! I am going to take this exciting day to announce my little plan!

Now, as you know if you are a knighted reader, Luis is my attack squirrel if you are new and are thinking I am crazy, you are probably right wrong! Please read this post first and then come back.

You back/Aware of Luis? Good.

Now, for part of Luis rehabilitation program I have told him he needs to help society. How will an attack squirrel help society you ask? Well, other than acting as my menacing body-guard, Luis will be starting is own advice column. Send your questions to askluis@yellowshoesnithecity.com about anything life, love, appropriate quantity of food to store in your tree, you know the basics, and Luis will answer you soon. Also, don't worry about identity, it will be all kept secret. (I am having problems setting up Luis' email so give me a few hours before you send anything).

Alright? So, Happy 100th people! Thanks for reading! Here is to 100 more!

[caption id="attachment_193" align="alignnone" width="2592"] Who doesn't trust the advice of an angry squirrel dressed like Sailor Moon? Email askluis@yellowshoesinthecity.com with your questions![/caption]

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Sandwich Bus

Good Afternoon my fellow internet-lovers.

I have discovered a new way to make the day not so terrible. You see, while I know my job sucks and that there is so few opportunities in he world, I still feel as though I need to take some time each day to relax. By relax, I mean take a lunch break. Before, I was spending my lunches looking for jobs on all the boring work posting sites , all of which just make me hate myself more and more each second. Now, well the last two days, I have discovered a much more pleasant place to go.

Tim Hortons.

Yes, as a Canadian I already knew the appeal. Warm beverages, tasty treats, and now free Wifi. However, as an employee I have only just discovered the need to take my lunch break. See, I didn't ever used to go anywhere at my last job. The main and most important difference between this job and that job: I used to have a door on my cubicle.

Now I have no door. I have no privacy. The guy beside me gets up to go to the printer every ten minutes, each time staring at my computer screen. I think at lunch time we are probably allowed to wander the internet, however I don't need grandpa beside me knowing my business.

I miss having a door. I can't get away with pulling out my lunch and eating quietly in the comfort of my own office because now, people may come in at any given time without knocking or warning.

So yesterday I ventured downstairs and across the street and sat in the timmies with my Nanowrimo note-book and a hot chocolate. Even though its slightly noisy there and full of people, it was still more relaxing. Being anywhere but at work is enough to calm my poor brain down enough to make it through the last few hours of the day. It also allowed me to finish planning my Nano novel, and make a plan to bring my netbook to work with me all of November and go there to write at lunch time.

I want to beat last years time. I got to 50,000 words by day 14. I must beat it. I kind of doubt it because the added bonus of procrastinating for school is no longer a factor, however I am going to try anyways!

At least it will give me some better highlights to my day that don't involve the bus smelling like old sandwiches. I mean, I am not sure how you can get much better then a sandwich bus, but I guess a writing hideout wins. If the bus started to serve FRESH sandwiches then maybe he would pull back up in front. However, that seems unlikely as my bus can't even manage to arrive at its designated time.

This ended up pretty long for not having anything to say...

[caption id="attachment_169" align="alignnone" width="2592"]Luis brightens your day Luis works the sandwich bus as part of his rehabilitation program. One day he will learn to be considerate of others. One day.[/caption]

Friday, October 19, 2012

Squirrel Attack

Hello everyone!

I didn't update yesterday due to a traumatic event that happened to me.

You see, like the anti-social monster I am, when I am invited to work functions I immediately find a way out of it. Yesterday was no different, except that Karma bit me in the ass.

I fled the building prior to the commencement of the cupcake party and headed towards the rexall so I could get bus tickets and hopefully poptarts. I wandered around there for a while, attempting to kill time so that I wouldn't arrive back at work half way through their cupcake party because while leaving before the party is a bit rude, showing up halfway through is even worse. I think, I wouldn't really know because I am too socially stupid to understand proper cues. Anyways, I wandered, found poptarts, got my bus tickets and then decided to go sit in the food court area so I could sit and write for a while.

Then I remembered I had no pen because I unloaded them all at work so I would have some of my good pens to use. I was still going to go sit down but as I approached the food court it was completely full. Also it was really loud so I would be useless there.

I walked back to my building but it was still too soon to go in because there was no way they would be done cupcake-ing yet. I awkwardly sat on an empty bench outside and started texting anyone who I could hope to be awake and not too busy so that I wouldn't just be sitting and staring blankly at the outdoors. That is acceptable in places where there is nature and pretty things to look at. Not downtown where all you can look at is Tim Horton's and a woman coughing.

This is when it happened. As I was texting people who weren't answering, I was viciously attacked. Not only was I viciously attacked, but it was by a murderous squirrel. Traumatic I know.

Here is how it happened. As I sat there minding my own business, a large brown squirrel ran up directly from under my seat. I was lucky enough to have been sitting cross-legged on my bench because its comfy. He stopped just in front of the bench so that I could see him, he turned to me and growled. Simply the warning from what was to come. Then, I suppose because I hadn't run away as he had suggested with the menacing growl, it leapt at my throat. Teeth reached my skin and dug in. It held on solidly as I flailed to remove its death grip on my jugular vein. I could feel my life slipping away as the blood poured over the creature. Apparently the blood was more than it could take as I heard it beginning to choke on the excess liquid invading its throat and nostrils. It let go for only a moment to spit out some of the blood and in that moment I was able to bring all my energy to my left arm and reach across and grab him by the throat. I held the bloody creature by the throat watching it struggle against my strength. However, despite its attempt on my life I couldn't kill it. I couldn't harm another living creature (other than bugs because they suck). I took the squirrel to find a cage and seek medical attention for my jugular vein. He will be rehabilitated and kept as an attack squirrel for my enemies. Luckily he choked in enough time that I didn't die. I believe I will name him Luis (pronounced Loo-eece).

So, you see this is why I could not post yesterday as I was obviously busy. You may not believe this actually happened but let me ask you this: How on Earth could any one be so weird as to think of this story in a sitting? Clearly it must have happened. No one could possibly be that strange right.

As for the scar on my throat, I had a special doctor who was able to glue all my skin back so the scar will not be noticeable and all the healing will be under the skin flap. What a genius.

So, I would like to introduce you all to my new pet Attack Squirrel, Luis:

[caption id="attachment_159" align="alignnone" width="2592"]The Attack Squirrel So don't mess with me. (PS I only looked up the proper spelling after I had already drawn this picture so ignore the O apparently that makes it pronounced wrong.)[/caption]

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Focus

Today is the official Nanowrimo Prep day.

The good thing is I already started plotting out my november novel.

The bad thing is I keep getting distracted from it and can't focus meaning there is no conclusion yet.

Here is how my brain is working lately:

Me: Oh, I have some time to myself! Perhaps I should finish plotting out my Nanowrimo novel for this year.

Brain: Or you could try to eat an entire freezer cake in one sitting.

Me: Well I think as nice as that sounds, that is not really healthy behaviour. Instead I will focus my energy on something that is beneficial to me and will hopefully one day help me in my desired career path.

Brain: Or, you could colour with every colour of crayon and pick your top 15 colours.

Me: Well that sure sounds enticing, but again not productive. I want to write real books one day, and even though Nanowrimo isn't about quality it is an excellent tool that I can use to get used to the structure of stories.

Brain: Or, you can spend hours contemplating the complexities of the galaxy and try to decipher the meaning of life.

Me: Well that sounds interesting, however I am in no position to decide on the meaning of life at this time of my existence. I haven't been alive all that long so any decision I made about the meaning of said life would be irrelevant. Instead I shall delve into an imaginary world where I am the creator and can decide the meaning of everything in existence.

Brain: Or, you can watch hours of television shows on the internet.

Me: Good call Brain. I do like TV. But... I should probably still plot out my novel.

Brain: WTF man. Just stop. You know your eventually going to give into my sick and twisted ideas of productive why are you taking so long to decide which?

Me: *smiles evilly*

Brain: Oh my goodness, you tricked me! All along you were stalling the decision of your procrastination. You are truly a professional at this I must declare.

Me: Thank you. Now activate these colouring fingers while I eat cake and watch hours of TV online all while secretly attempting to decode the meaning of life in my head.

Brain: Excellent. *turns on autopilot*

Meanwhile, in another part of my mind:

Desire to accomplish goals: Crap.

So the moral of the story today is: Your brain doesn't always have your best interest at heart. Most of the time its just lazy and doesn't like to talk to the Desire to accomplish goals portion. That guys a real whiner.

[caption id="attachment_156" align="alignnone" width="2592"] if only my brain would let the desire to accomplish goals take over, he may get a bigger vocabulary.[/caption]

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

October 16th

So apparently it is already October 16th. Which means three things:

  1.  I somehow missed the entire summer and most of the fall

  2. My Grammie's birthday was yesterday and I failed to call

  3. It is my sister's birthday today.


We will go through these three points in further detail now.

1: WTF time. How did it become half way through October already? I think I must have fallen into a two month-long coma that everyone is failing to tell me. It feels like yesterday I was reading four textbooks at once trying to cram for exams and now all the sudden I am done school and its getting cold out? What happened. I am so not ready for winter. apparently if I blink to hard months pass so I will try to be careful and not miss Christmas.

2. Happy Birthday Grammie! I am so sorry I haven't called you yet. I do have something for you however it is not large. I need to print out your card still which will feature something adorable maybe and I will drop it off on the weekend when I have my car! (Not that its missing but Dave has it at work which makes it tricky and by the time he's home I am half asleep in my sweatpants unfit to drive due to laziness.)

3. Sandy turns 26 today. Who is Sandy? Well that is a silly question. Sandy is my big sister. You should know that because if you are reading this chances are you are related to both of us. Hi Mom. But for those strange and glorious folks who somehow found this and are not a blood relative, Sandy is my older sister who I must say is pretty fancy.

You see, Sandy and I have not always gotten along perfectly. I think that's a normal sister thing. I watched a home movie when I was home sick the other day and at Sandy's grade 8 graduation ceremony, as I held the camera she walked by me and says "You're going to die" in a threatening tone. This occurred often, however not so obviously caught on tape.

In recent years, now that we are much less moody (or at least we now know moodiness is cured by chocolate) I seem to receive less death threats unless in the context of a video game or board game.

The important thing that I would like to say about Sandy on this the anniversary of her complicated birth, is that I am very proud of her. Sandy has changed a lot in the last however many years since high school. I guess its 8 years for her? I might be wrong. But in that time Sandy has decided what she wanted to do and more importantly, actually gone for it. Even if I sometimes don't understand why or how she manages to do certain things, she makes it look easy to follow your dreams. She works very hard, I know, however she gets to do what she loves every day and I can't wait until I get the point of confidence that she has that I can abandon the easy path and face all my fears of trying to make my dreams come true with the ever-present likelihood that I might fail. She is always one of the first to be supportive and encourages me to follow through with the things I spend years planning. So, Sandy, this is a big blurb of gushing but I wanted to say thank you for being almost annoying optimistic and for having a weird amount of faith in everything you do even when it seems risky. And more importantly thanks for having faith in me!

SO.

That's enough of that.

Moral of the story is: This year is going by too fast, my grammie is cooler than yours, and my Sister is a grown up now in theory and thats strange.

Oh! And more important moral: I now have an excuse to eat cake. (Dear Sandy: We should get together some time to consume cake anad play Mario Kart. I don't care if your a grown up, you still have to play with me!)

Here are the Part 1's to both the birthday girl's gifts. A lovely original Yellow Shoes Post-it art:

 

[caption id="attachment_150" align="alignnone" width="2592"] a Pirate Unicorn for Sandy[/caption]

 

 

[caption id="attachment_151" align="alignnone" width="2592"] A Pirate Kitty for Grammie! There's a theme apparently.[/caption]

 

Monday, October 15, 2012

Pathetic...

Still sick.At any moment today, I may fall asleep. This wouldn't be so awful if I weren't at work and trying to make a good impression. I am eating a ridiculous quantity of sugar at the moment to hopefully will my sickness away with sprinkled donuts.

 Normally colds don't bug me too much, well sort of they always bug me, however this one is particularly crappy. Probably because I have very little reason to force myself to buck up and be healthy. I don't need to be active for my job and it's not like I have a crazy booming social life. Although I did get to hang out with Crystal all day on Saturday and get her good and sick. I was much better at avoiding illnesses when I was busy. I could just simply not get sick. I would start to get sick, feel the tickle in the throat and sniffle in the nose, however I could simply stop being sick and instead go to work or school or write a paper on something I had researched poorly.Now that I am a boring grown up I have no reason to not be sick so my awesome sick-avoiding powers are going to waste.

Enough of that gibber-jabber whiney crap.

 I still don't know what I am doing with this new website. I tried a few different templates but none would let me change very important parts to be what I wanted or when I finally got them to change something else would mess up that I didn't mean to do. So for now this is what you get. Hopefully one day I can figure out how to make it look pretty, or the sizes so I can draw a nicer background or something. Moral of the story is that I suck at computers.So other than the annoying impossible template issue, yesterday I was surprised by a phone call. 9:45 PM my home phone rings. I knew it wasn't for me as it is never for me because A) no one I know ever calls me B)No one knows my home phone number. However the phone was beside me so I answered it assuming it was one of Dave's friends. It was not. It was a telemarketer. At almost 10PM. This may not sound bad to you "young folks" however because I apparently aged 40 years on my last birthday that is pretty late. Especially for annoying phone calls I don't want to participate in.

I feel like I may be the most bitter and cynical 24-year-old on this side of the Earth. It seems really pathetic to me that in what is apparently supposed to be my "prime" I go to bed before 10pm and think an exciting night involves new episodes of television and some freezer cake.  How sad is that? I don't even have any freezer cake left...

So summary of this post: My life is really unimpressive and looks really pathetic. Every justification I make in my head just makes it even more pathetic. Oh boy.

 

[caption id="attachment_143" align="alignnone" width="2592"] goodbye will to live. hello obesity.[/caption]

Sunday, October 14, 2012

Dear Everyone

Hi!

As you may have noticed, this is looking a little different. You see, I have invested in a new website thinger so I own my own Domain and what this involves is apparently trying to build an entirely new website out of thin air and knowledge I do not possess. What this means for you is, annoying daily changes and confusing new ways to read this. Hopefully I figure this out sooner rather than later and without having to buy anything... I just wanted my website to be fancy and instead I have just become completely confused and have no idea how to do anything. I am not even sure if or how to post this apology to you.  I also have no idea how to add pictures in a post so this one won't have a picture but it will have a promise.

I promise I will try my best to fix this site and make it pretty. Hopefully soon because I am so confused. Please don't abandon me now! You've come this far!

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Ugh

This is harder than I anticipated. Not the drawing stuff, as long as I have an idea I am golden. I did not see the inconvenience of not being able to sit up long enough to stay at my big computer. I drew the first two pictures and then I got a crazy migraine and needed to sleep for an hour. Awesome right?

Oh well I will give you the remaining 8 pictures soon enough.

So much for starting to exercise and start eating healthy this week. It was all planned. Now anything more solid than mashed potatoes feels like death. Stupid Dave. Always getting me sick.

On the sad side I now have gotten through all the seasons of Gilmore Girls. Which is sad on so many levels. most of all because its over and it really doesn't end super well. I think Crystal told me that they weren't intending on the last episode being the last episode so that sucks. I hate when good shows are cancelled before they end properly.

I need a new show to watch now.

Mostly because it is apparently horror movie season and the commercials alone scare me.

It is almost Halloween. I don't usually like it because its spooky and people try to scare me and its easy and I hate it. However we started decorating outside and it looks nice so far. We aren't done yet because Dave is in a war with the neighbours on spookiness.  all because last year he did nothing but turn on a fog machine and the wind took all his fog onto the neighbours much spookier graveyard scene. This year so far we have a skeleton and a mini graveyard and some spooky skulls. Needs some work. Also we need light. In the dark you can't see any of our stuff. Makes it a little useless.

Anyways I am going to go for now and try not to explode my disease everywhere.

Ugh

This is harder than I anticipated. Not the drawing stuff, as long as I have an idea I am golden. I did not see the inconvenience of not being able to sit up long enough to stay at my big computer. I drew the first two pictures and then I got a crazy migraine and needed to sleep for an hour. Awesome right?

Oh well I will give you the remaining 8 pictures soon enough.

So much for starting to exercise and start eating healthy this week. It was all planned. Now anything more solid than mashed potatoes feels like death. Stupid Dave. Always getting me sick.

On the sad side I now have gotten through all the seasons of Gilmore Girls. Which is sad on so many levels. most of all because its over and it really doesn't end super well. I think Crystal told me that they weren't intending on the last episode being the last episode so that sucks. I hate when good shows are cancelled before they end properly.

I need a new show to watch now.

Mostly because it is apparently horror movie season and the commercials alone scare me.

It is almost Halloween. I don't usually like it because its spooky and people try to scare me and its easy and I hate it. However we started decorating outside and it looks nice so far. We aren't done yet because Dave is in a war with the neighbours on spookiness.  all because last year he did nothing but turn on a fog machine and the wind took all his fog onto the neighbours much spookier graveyard scene. This year so far we have a skeleton and a mini graveyard and some spooky skulls. Needs some work. Also we need light. In the dark you can't see any of our stuff. Makes it a little useless.

Anyways I am going to go for now and try not to explode my disease everywhere.

2/10

Unicorn eating Icecream



2/10

Unicorn eating Icecream



1/10

Alligator playing the Banjo.

P.s. when I promised you ten pictures I did not give you any indication of quality.

1/10

Alligator playing the Banjo.

P.s. when I promised you ten pictures I did not give you any indication of quality.

Brace Yourself

Hello folks! What is this, Tanya on a weekday during work hours? She hasn't done this in weeks! Why, what is the meaning of this! Well she is sick. Sick as all goodness. My throat feels of sand paper and razor blades.

So what does that mean? A DAY FULL OF PICTURES! I promised you ten pictures you will get pictures!

So brace yourself ... today is going to get weird.

Brace Yourself

Hello folks! What is this, Tanya on a weekday during work hours? She hasn't done this in weeks! Why, what is the meaning of this! Well she is sick. Sick as all goodness. My throat feels of sand paper and razor blades.

So what does that mean? A DAY FULL OF PICTURES! I promised you ten pictures you will get pictures!

So brace yourself ... today is going to get weird.

Monday, October 8, 2012

I am back.

Alright I am back.

I know I didn't earn a break because I am not important or anything but I needed a little one while my body adjusted to a new life-source sucking chair.

That's right ladies, gentlemen and grandparents: I started my new job two weeks ago now and it sucks just as much if not more then the other one. Hurray. The new job is one of those jobs that has consistent things to do, however the options are really like choosing between a stab in the eye or a punch in the throat. I won't complain too much about it right now because I have other things to complain about, which is why you are all here right, to let me vent my obnoxious whining about my life that probably isn't as bad as I think it is? no? you just were sent here accidentally looking for something about "Rocket Powered Shoes", "Powered by Sweatpants" and my personal favourite, "Bear eating a Taco". Well those will come soon. (P.S. those are some of the search terms that people have used to find my blog. Not making that shit up. Sometimes I love the Internet so hard.)

So, you want to know what else has been happening to me lately?

Well on Thursday my phone died. Tragedy. I was looking forward to lastly the entire three years with one cell phone. I had 5 months left. I made it 2 years and 7 months with the same cell phone and I was in no way sick of it. However out of nowhere, as I was sitting doing my job enthusiastically as possible, a low rumble started to vibrate across my desk. looking down I became afraid. Shifting ever so slightly, my phone moved towards me. The noises slowly grew louder, building and building, finally erupting in a blood curdling cry of pain and horror. As the screaming grew even louder lights began to fill the spaces between the keys. Blue light was shooting out of all the joints. As I pick up my phone I could see that it was not simple blue light, but a flame. I held my phone up off the surface and looked at it as the plastic melted. As the seams split a figure emerged. A small blue dragon unwrapped its wings like a butterfly free of its cocoon. Flapping its wings into my face it hissed one last blue flame into my eyes and flew off into the office.

Needless to say I spent my Thursday lunch time trying to get a new phone. The guy working there was clearly all into IPhone and kept trying to sell me the most obnoxiously large phones they had. Its either that boys don't understand that girl pockets are smaller and therefore do not have room for the larger phones, or they simply don't care. Also, when I say: I would like my exact phone but the newer one" I do not mean, "Please try to convince to buy something I never wanted so that I will have to learn an entirely new interface and shave down 90% of my thumbs because that's the only way a touch screen keyboard will even work for me." I left with the phone I wanted. With a pretty sweet deal. Bringing in my old phone got me a trade in value of 60$ because you know, official dragons releasing raises value, and my new phone was only 30$ with a new contract which I don't mind because I like my phone company enough. So basically moral of the story is that I win. New phone is fancy.

There is one really big loss with getting a new phone that I didn't think of. I was all concerned and worried about getting my pictures and contacts off my phone that I didn't think about the even more crucial and important thing: My notes. Blackberry's have this little notepad thing that you can keep all these notes. I had a bunch of them. Most importantly to you one filled of all my ideas I have for blog posts. Sometimes they are really cryptic like: guy at bus stop spits, but sometimes its actual things that are much more clear like: car. So now I have lost all my blog ideas I was still cultivating while I took my break. Hopefully there is some form of creativity left in my head that I can think of new things.

Alright, so moral of the story is that I am back. Sorry I left for so long.

Dear person looking for this, you are welcome.





I am back.

Alright I am back.

I know I didn't earn a break because I am not important or anything but I needed a little one while my body adjusted to a new life-source sucking chair.

That's right ladies, gentlemen and grandparents: I started my new job two weeks ago now and it sucks just as much if not more then the other one. Hurray. The new job is one of those jobs that has consistent things to do, however the options are really like choosing between a stab in the eye or a punch in the throat. I won't complain too much about it right now because I have other things to complain about, which is why you are all here right, to let me vent my obnoxious whining about my life that probably isn't as bad as I think it is? no? you just were sent here accidentally looking for something about "Rocket Powered Shoes", "Powered by Sweatpants" and my personal favourite, "Bear eating a Taco". Well those will come soon. (P.S. those are some of the search terms that people have used to find my blog. Not making that shit up. Sometimes I love the Internet so hard.)

So, you want to know what else has been happening to me lately?

Well on Thursday my phone died. Tragedy. I was looking forward to lastly the entire three years with one cell phone. I had 5 months left. I made it 2 years and 7 months with the same cell phone and I was in no way sick of it. However out of nowhere, as I was sitting doing my job enthusiastically as possible, a low rumble started to vibrate across my desk. looking down I became afraid. Shifting ever so slightly, my phone moved towards me. The noises slowly grew louder, building and building, finally erupting in a blood curdling cry of pain and horror. As the screaming grew even louder lights began to fill the spaces between the keys. Blue light was shooting out of all the joints. As I pick up my phone I could see that it was not simple blue light, but a flame. I held my phone up off the surface and looked at it as the plastic melted. As the seams split a figure emerged. A small blue dragon unwrapped its wings like a butterfly free of its cocoon. Flapping its wings into my face it hissed one last blue flame into my eyes and flew off into the office.

Needless to say I spent my Thursday lunch time trying to get a new phone. The guy working there was clearly all into IPhone and kept trying to sell me the most obnoxiously large phones they had. Its either that boys don't understand that girl pockets are smaller and therefore do not have room for the larger phones, or they simply don't care. Also, when I say: I would like my exact phone but the newer one" I do not mean, "Please try to convince to buy something I never wanted so that I will have to learn an entirely new interface and shave down 90% of my thumbs because that's the only way a touch screen keyboard will even work for me." I left with the phone I wanted. With a pretty sweet deal. Bringing in my old phone got me a trade in value of 60$ because you know, official dragons releasing raises value, and my new phone was only 30$ with a new contract which I don't mind because I like my phone company enough. So basically moral of the story is that I win. New phone is fancy.

There is one really big loss with getting a new phone that I didn't think of. I was all concerned and worried about getting my pictures and contacts off my phone that I didn't think about the even more crucial and important thing: My notes. Blackberry's have this little notepad thing that you can keep all these notes. I had a bunch of them. Most importantly to you one filled of all my ideas I have for blog posts. Sometimes they are really cryptic like: guy at bus stop spits, but sometimes its actual things that are much more clear like: car. So now I have lost all my blog ideas I was still cultivating while I took my break. Hopefully there is some form of creativity left in my head that I can think of new things.

Alright, so moral of the story is that I am back. Sorry I left for so long.

Dear person looking for this, you are welcome.





Sunday, September 30, 2012

sorry!

I promise I will do a real post soon! I have been all brain dead this week with the new job and the readjusting to going to bed at old lady hours and the continuing crazy spell infecting my only corners of sanity. I will soon give you a big giant post full of like, ten pictures. I cleaned my office today so thats the first step to being back to normal I promise.

sorry!

I promise I will do a real post soon! I have been all brain dead this week with the new job and the readjusting to going to bed at old lady hours and the continuing crazy spell infecting my only corners of sanity. I will soon give you a big giant post full of like, ten pictures. I cleaned my office today so thats the first step to being back to normal I promise.

Friday, September 21, 2012

Conversations with Dave

*Phone Rings*

Me: Hello?

Dave: Hello.

*awkward pause*

Me: Can I help you with something?

Dave: Yes, Umm, Well Matt is going to pick me up at work today.

Me: Alright, then I assume you are going out for pizza?

Dave: Well I was thinking about it.

Me: Go, have fun.

Dave: Okay, you sure you don't mind? We can watch that movie another day?

Me: That movie? Oh, you mean Captain America ! Don't worry I own it now so we can watch it any time. *brain starts racing for no apparent reason, breath quickens, instantly images of men in tight pants kicking things float through my mind.* OH MY GOD ! AVENGERS COMES OUT THIS WEEK!

Dave: Okay?

Me: NO AVENGERS DAVE! *hyperventilates* I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY! I AM SO EXCITED I CANNOT EVEN BREATHE!

Dave: Alright.

Me: AHHH! EIRKLAGUGLA!

Dave: What did you say?

Me: I DON'T KNOW I AM TOO EXCITED!

Dave: Okay well... I need to go.

ME: *SQUEEE-HYPERVENTALATE-FLAIL* BYE!

Dave: Bye....

I think Dave might just bring me home sedatives so that's a plus. I will have Avengers in like.. 3.5 days and will be out of birthday-gift debt for Chels because I promised her Avengers but it wasn't out yet. I am getting bad at birthday presents. I keep getting people things that don't exist yet.

Now I need to go breathe into a paper bag. Although I don't have one so it will be a grocery bag and then I will die because I think plastic in the throat is bad hence the consistent "don't put this on your head or the head of your small children because they wont be able to breathe despite the fact that you can rip holes in them really easy" warnings on the many plastic bags. I never pay attention to warnings. Hence how I ended up losing hair to a hair bleaching incident when I was 17. That is a story for another day.

Anyways I just wanted to tell you about how much crazy Dave has to deal with until the Avengers gets in my hands. 3.5 days people. 3.5. Remember to breathe!


I bought a YELLOW sketch book. I am pumped. Although I feel guilty drawing in pen so now it looks really not visible.


Conversations with Dave

*Phone Rings*

Me: Hello?

Dave: Hello.

*awkward pause*

Me: Can I help you with something?

Dave: Yes, Umm, Well Matt is going to pick me up at work today.

Me: Alright, then I assume you are going out for pizza?

Dave: Well I was thinking about it.

Me: Go, have fun.

Dave: Okay, you sure you don't mind? We can watch that movie another day?

Me: That movie? Oh, you mean Captain America ! Don't worry I own it now so we can watch it any time. *brain starts racing for no apparent reason, breath quickens, instantly images of men in tight pants kicking things float through my mind.* OH MY GOD ! AVENGERS COMES OUT THIS WEEK!

Dave: Okay?

Me: NO AVENGERS DAVE! *hyperventilates* I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY! I AM SO EXCITED I CANNOT EVEN BREATHE!

Dave: Alright.

Me: AHHH! EIRKLAGUGLA!

Dave: What did you say?

Me: I DON'T KNOW I AM TOO EXCITED!

Dave: Okay well... I need to go.

ME: *SQUEEE-HYPERVENTALATE-FLAIL* BYE!

Dave: Bye....

I think Dave might just bring me home sedatives so that's a plus. I will have Avengers in like.. 3.5 days and will be out of birthday-gift debt for Chels because I promised her Avengers but it wasn't out yet. I am getting bad at birthday presents. I keep getting people things that don't exist yet.

Now I need to go breathe into a paper bag. Although I don't have one so it will be a grocery bag and then I will die because I think plastic in the throat is bad hence the consistent "don't put this on your head or the head of your small children because they wont be able to breathe despite the fact that you can rip holes in them really easy" warnings on the many plastic bags. I never pay attention to warnings. Hence how I ended up losing hair to a hair bleaching incident when I was 17. That is a story for another day.

Anyways I just wanted to tell you about how much crazy Dave has to deal with until the Avengers gets in my hands. 3.5 days people. 3.5. Remember to breathe!


I bought a YELLOW sketch book. I am pumped. Although I feel guilty drawing in pen so now it looks really not visible.


Movie Dreams

Dreams are the strangest things.

Last night I had a Dream that I was going to Yale and for some reason I was discussing this after doing a triathlon.  Because the thing to do after a triathlon is reminisce with people you no longer talk to about how fun it is to go to Yale. I need to finish Gilmore Girls. I starting to do that thing I do often when I watch too much TV or movies.

I tend to have dreams which star the characters of the television series / movies I have been watching. And usually it takes place in the movie or TV show in some scene where I tend to interact with the characters changing the plot of the movie completely and then making it twenty times more interesting.

The problem with this is that as the movie gets interesting and fascinating in the dream land, I wake up. I never find out how the new better version of the movie ends. It is the worst thing ever. Have you ever been watching the best movie ever or the greatest television show only to have the DVD player break or the cable to go out? I have about 5000 movies and episodes of TV that I will never get to finish because I woke up.

Worse then the not finishing is forgetting which "movies" are real and which aren't. I constantly have arguments with people of when I try to explain what happen and they tell me I am crazy. Like the time that the cast of FRIENDS traveled via flying monkeys to the North Pole and helped save Christmas.  Apparently, despite owning all ten seasons it never happened.

Anyways, I am being a bad blogger and not paying attention to this properly. Its just because as previously mentioned my brain is exploded a bit. Also that thing is still under my keyboard and it moves every few hours and then a new button is jammed which is an unpleasant surprise.









Chandler loves traveling via flying monkey!

 

Movie Dreams

Dreams are the strangest things.

Last night I had a Dream that I was going to Yale and for some reason I was discussing this after doing a triathlon.  Because the thing to do after a triathlon is reminisce with people you no longer talk to about how fun it is to go to Yale. I need to finish Gilmore Girls. I starting to do that thing I do often when I watch too much TV or movies.

I tend to have dreams which star the characters of the television series / movies I have been watching. And usually it takes place in the movie or TV show in some scene where I tend to interact with the characters changing the plot of the movie completely and then making it twenty times more interesting.

The problem with this is that as the movie gets interesting and fascinating in the dream land, I wake up. I never find out how the new better version of the movie ends. It is the worst thing ever. Have you ever been watching the best movie ever or the greatest television show only to have the DVD player break or the cable to go out? I have about 5000 movies and episodes of TV that I will never get to finish because I woke up.

Worse then the not finishing is forgetting which "movies" are real and which aren't. I constantly have arguments with people of when I try to explain what happen and they tell me I am crazy. Like the time that the cast of FRIENDS traveled via flying monkeys to the North Pole and helped save Christmas.  Apparently, despite owning all ten seasons it never happened.

Anyways, I am being a bad blogger and not paying attention to this properly. Its just because as previously mentioned my brain is exploded a bit. Also that thing is still under my keyboard and it moves every few hours and then a new button is jammed which is an unpleasant surprise.

Chandler loves traveling via flying monkey!

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Near Catastrophe

Last night I faced a near tragedy. Last night I almost had one of the worst things that could happen to someone who owns dogs.

I let Noodle, Dave's dog, outside to go pee before she went to bed. I opened the door and she rocketed out as usual only to stop at the bottom of the stairs and make a quick turn to face the garbage bags. Now that's not completely abnormal because she might be the weirdest dog on the face of the Earth, but it was a little weird because she was doing the pee-pee dance for a while and probably really had to go.

I held the door open, allowing the light from the kitchen to shine out because our outside light doesn't work for some reason but as it did I noticed that the garbage bags were moving. When the light finally hit, I saw it. The worst thing anyone with a monstrous barky dog could imagine.

TWO SKUNKS.

IN MY GARBAGE BAG.

CHEWING ON MY TRASH.

So as my heart started racing my eyes fluttered around looking for the stupid wiener dog to make sure she wont get sprayed. That is when I see her. Her nose, halfway towards the skunks stinky old spraying bum. Her sniffy little nose, approaching the stupid skunks butt as they munched away on my trash bags.

I had to try to get her back into the house. I was not bathing a squirmy wiener dog. Especially at midnight.

I am a professional at the whisper-yell. I have two dogs and they go outside at early/late times so I have to often get them back in the house without making enough noise to wake the neighbors. So as I am whispering as loud as I can so Noodle will come back and stop sniffing the stupid skunks.

She ignored me because she is three quarters evil and the rest is all just thoughts about cookies.

I then closed the door quietly and tried to get Dave to go get her but he was brushing his teeth. Then he proceeded to get cranky that I left his demon dog out with the evil skunks. Which I suppose is fair, however its not my fault that his dog hates me. So we trotted back to the back door to check how stinky Noodle is, and when we opened the door the skunks trotted away and Noodle ran back inside at the slightest noise from Dave.

This is where the story gets ridiculous. She didn't smell at all. Not one little bit. I was baffled and shocked and so beyond happy you have no clue. She didn't even bark. I was proud. And relieved.

Anyways, that is all I have to say for now. I am really boring lately. The only time I have left the house in the last week is to go out searching down the seasons of Gilmore Girls. May I highlight I FINALLY found season four and now I have them all. Just started season 4 today, Rory is at Yale and it makes me jealous. I want to live in Stars Hallow. It is perfect. Someone find out if its a real place and where I can go to Luke's Diner.

Anyways I am so tired and am watching Gilmore Girls so I cannot focus.

The only explanation for Noodle not barking at the skunks is that she was flirting. Also there is STILL something stuck under my keyboard but I don't know how it got there because there aren't spaces and it is REALLY annoying.

I am on a Gilmore Girls overdose. And I am loving it.


Near Catastrophe

Last night I faced a near tragedy. Last night I almost had one of the worst things that could happen to someone who owns dogs.

I let Noodle, Dave's dog, outside to go pee before she went to bed. I opened the door and she rocketed out as usual only to stop at the bottom of the stairs and make a quick turn to face the garbage bags. Now that's not completely abnormal because she might be the weirdest dog on the face of the Earth, but it was a little weird because she was doing the pee-pee dance for a while and probably really had to go.

I held the door open, allowing the light from the kitchen to shine out because our outside light doesn't work for some reason but as it did I noticed that the garbage bags were moving. When the light finally hit, I saw it. The worst thing anyone with a monstrous barky dog could imagine.

TWO SKUNKS.

IN MY GARBAGE BAG.

CHEWING ON MY TRASH.

So as my heart started racing my eyes fluttered around looking for the stupid wiener dog to make sure she wont get sprayed. That is when I see her. Her nose, halfway towards the skunks stinky old spraying bum. Her sniffy little nose, approaching the stupid skunks butt as they munched away on my trash bags.

I had to try to get her back into the house. I was not bathing a squirmy wiener dog. Especially at midnight.

I am a professional at the whisper-yell. I have two dogs and they go outside at early/late times so I have to often get them back in the house without making enough noise to wake the neighbors. So as I am whispering as loud as I can so Noodle will come back and stop sniffing the stupid skunks.

She ignored me because she is three quarters evil and the rest is all just thoughts about cookies.

I then closed the door quietly and tried to get Dave to go get her but he was brushing his teeth. Then he proceeded to get cranky that I left his demon dog out with the evil skunks. Which I suppose is fair, however its not my fault that his dog hates me. So we trotted back to the back door to check how stinky Noodle is, and when we opened the door the skunks trotted away and Noodle ran back inside at the slightest noise from Dave.

This is where the story gets ridiculous. She didn't smell at all. Not one little bit. I was baffled and shocked and so beyond happy you have no clue. She didn't even bark. I was proud. And relieved.

Anyways, that is all I have to say for now. I am really boring lately. The only time I have left the house in the last week is to go out searching down the seasons of Gilmore Girls. May I highlight I FINALLY found season four and now I have them all. Just started season 4 today, Rory is at Yale and it makes me jealous. I want to live in Stars Hallow. It is perfect. Someone find out if its a real place and where I can go to Luke's Diner.

Anyways I am so tired and am watching Gilmore Girls so I cannot focus.

The only explanation for Noodle not barking at the skunks is that she was flirting. Also there is STILL something stuck under my keyboard but I don't know how it got there because there aren't spaces and it is REALLY annoying.

I am on a Gilmore Girls overdose. And I am loving it.


Monday, September 17, 2012

Sorry!

I have not been posting as much as before but that's because of two reasons.

First of all, I am lazy as all hell.

Second, I have been crazy.

So the lazy parts obvious. I am a lazy type person for the most part because being lazy is nice. I have to get to doing something, but I took the first week off of being mostly lazy. You would think that I would have slept more but instead my mind wants to stay awake all the time because I can.

Back to the crazy, I guess its the after effect of the lack of work stuff stealing all my mental capacities but its leaving too many thoughts in my brain. Its as though for the last few years my brain was being strangled and now that I have killed the strangling jerk I now have about four years of babble streaming through my mind.

Unfortunately that means that I cannot quite differentiate between the witty and the crazy which isn't much different from usual but it does make me very tired.

So instead of blogging I have been watching Gilmore Girls and waiting for my brain to reset. So don't be mad at me, I will fix it soon! Or my brain will get sucked dry at my next job so then my thoughts wont be so fuzzy. I will draw you a picture later. I am busy trying to watch what happens after Jess gets sent back to New York.

Also, there is something stuck under my keyboard and I can't get it out. but that's not important right now.

Sorry!

I have not been posting as much as before but that's because of two reasons.

First of all, I am lazy as all hell.

Second, I have been crazy.

So the lazy parts obvious. I am a lazy type person for the most part because being lazy is nice. I have to get to doing something, but I took the first week off of being mostly lazy. You would think that I would have slept more but instead my mind wants to stay awake all the time because I can.

Back to the crazy, I guess its the after effect of the lack of work stuff stealing all my mental capacities but its leaving too many thoughts in my brain. Its as though for the last few years my brain was being strangled and now that I have killed the strangling jerk I now have about four years of babble streaming through my mind.

Unfortunately that means that I cannot quite differentiate between the witty and the crazy which isn't much different from usual but it does make me very tired.

So instead of blogging I have been watching Gilmore Girls and waiting for my brain to reset. So don't be mad at me, I will fix it soon! Or my brain will get sucked dry at my next job so then my thoughts wont be so fuzzy. I will draw you a picture later. I am busy trying to watch what happens after Jess gets sent back to New York.

Also, there is something stuck under my keyboard and I can't get it out. but that's not important right now.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Too much TV

So the religious channel started playing Gilmore Girls. I am pretty pumped. Except every time Luke yells "god dammit" they cut it out. Only the god part though. It's pretty funny.

I really need to remember to buy the seasons of this show next time I see them on sale. Sometimes they are at Walmart for 10$ each. however there's like 7 or 8 seasons and I am so stingy. There are too many shows I want on DVD.

I need to start working on things. But I am so lazy. Dave and I cleaned today so our living room and kitchen look nice. However when we clean the living room my office gets 100 times more messy. All the things from the coffee table have to go somewhere.

This new Lysol version of febreeze concerns me. Their commercial has the couch turning into a giant pile of garbage. Why would your couch smell like trash? I mean, my couch doesn't smell great. It smells like dogs in all honesty. But people without dogs, why does your couch smell like trash? I guess if you spill things on it it will eventually stink, but the commercial is really irritating.

I should stop watching TV, all I do is get all upset and annoyed by the commercials.




Too much TV

So the religious channel started playing Gilmore Girls. I am pretty pumped. Except every time Luke yells "god dammit" they cut it out. Only the god part though. It's pretty funny.

I really need to remember to buy the seasons of this show next time I see them on sale. Sometimes they are at Walmart for 10$ each. however there's like 7 or 8 seasons and I am so stingy. There are too many shows I want on DVD.

I need to start working on things. But I am so lazy. Dave and I cleaned today so our living room and kitchen look nice. However when we clean the living room my office gets 100 times more messy. All the things from the coffee table have to go somewhere.

This new Lysol version of febreeze concerns me. Their commercial has the couch turning into a giant pile of garbage. Why would your couch smell like trash? I mean, my couch doesn't smell great. It smells like dogs in all honesty. But people without dogs, why does your couch smell like trash? I guess if you spill things on it it will eventually stink, but the commercial is really irritating.

I should stop watching TV, all I do is get all upset and annoyed by the commercials.




None of this Makes Sense.

WARNING: THIS MAKES NO SENSE! IT IS YOUR OWN FAULT IF YOU READ IT.. JUST WAIT FOR THE NEXT ONE OKAY?

Being from a small town I am very used to driving behind tractors and other large machinery. Hell, I have driven large machinery on the road. There is a level of courtesy that people driving tractors usually have. The tractors in the country usually (not always) move over off the main part of the road when someone is driving behind them. They drive partially on the shoulder so that you can pass easily.

However, the city tractors they never move. They just hunker down in the middle of the road and slowly mosey up. It pisses me off to no end. I don't see why today on my way to get groceries I needed to follow a tractor up the entire way when there was a paved shoulder almost as wide as the road. I am not allowed to pass on the shoulder, however tractors can pretty much drive where ever they want because they are bigger then everyone.

Why don't they move? Why do the tractors in the city feel the need to take up the road? Its just so rude.

On another note, I watch too much TV. I honestly really should stop. I mean, I am not going to but I probably should.

I just saw a commercial for weight watchers and its Jessica Simpson. I used to hate her so much more when she was perfect looking and trying to be a singer. Now that she just does her other stuff she doesn't irritate me as much. Also because she actually gained weight when she was pregnant it makes her seem more human. The thing about her that makes me feel bad for her is that everyone thinks she stupid. Which based on her television show from a long time ago, she just might be. However the new quote that is going around makes me feel sad. I don't know if its her or the way they are spinning it. I would assume its a joke on her part. Or shes really dumb. She apparently said something that "she didn't realize the weight wouldn't all come off with the baby" I think that is a joke right? It has to be.

This makes no sense. I have no logic today. In that theme:

None of this Makes Sense.

WARNING: THIS MAKES NO SENSE! IT IS YOUR OWN FAULT IF YOU READ IT.. JUST WAIT FOR THE NEXT ONE OKAY?

Being from a small town I am very used to driving behind tractors and other large machinery. Hell, I have driven large machinery on the road. There is a level of courtesy that people driving tractors usually have. The tractors in the country usually (not always) move over off the main part of the road when someone is driving behind them. They drive partially on the shoulder so that you can pass easily.

However, the city tractors they never move. They just hunker down in the middle of the road and slowly mosey up. It pisses me off to no end. I don't see why today on my way to get groceries I needed to follow a tractor up the entire way when there was a paved shoulder almost as wide as the road. I am not allowed to pass on the shoulder, however tractors can pretty much drive where ever they want because they are bigger then everyone.

Why don't they move? Why do the tractors in the city feel the need to take up the road? Its just so rude.

On another note, I watch too much TV. I honestly really should stop. I mean, I am not going to but I probably should.

I just saw a commercial for weight watchers and its Jessica Simpson. I used to hate her so much more when she was perfect looking and trying to be a singer. Now that she just does her other stuff she doesn't irritate me as much. Also because she actually gained weight when she was pregnant it makes her seem more human. The thing about her that makes me feel bad for her is that everyone thinks she stupid. Which based on her television show from a long time ago, she just might be. However the new quote that is going around makes me feel sad. I don't know if its her or the way they are spinning it. I would assume its a joke on her part. Or shes really dumb. She apparently said something that "she didn't realize the weight wouldn't all come off with the baby" I think that is a joke right? It has to be.

This makes no sense. I have no logic today. In that theme:

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Interruptions


As I said in my previous post I need to start plotting a few of my novels that I have half planned.

The problem with this is that I have the attention span of a two year old and every time I start working on it and making progress, I get interrupted and all my brilliant plans flush down the toilet that is my short term memory.

For example, at work in my last two weeks a person from a team that isn't mine asked me to scan an entire binder. This was not something I overly wanted to do. For one thing, its not my job to scan things for those people. Second, I had a lot of other things to do and taking the four hours he said it would take was not really an option for me. Lastly, they had a brand new admin on their team that is actually supposed to do it. I told them I would show her how to do it but that's it because I was busy.

Then when we finally had our meeting to do the scanning she gave me an excuse of being too busy. That was fine she seemed pretty busy and as I understood there was some big due date that had popped out of no where as they always do. So we rescheduled until the next day. The next day came around and I wandered to her office to ask if she was ready, she told me she needed to go outside for a smoke. NEEDED to. She said she also had to write an email once she got back so that we will have to postpone. She then didn't come see me for the rest of the day. The next day she came to see me and was like, "how about I come this afternoon". I said fine. So finally, a half hour before I leave in the afternoon she came and got me. I showed her how to scan but there were issues with the memory stick she was using. So I was like, "here's another, use this tomorrow" and I left.

I cam in the next day and the day was passing along nicely. I was nice and busy enough cleaning up my office and figuring out what to do with all my stuff. And she came by again saying "Well I will come get you later to scan this". Me thinking to myself, hey didn't I already show you this? But I agreed.

On my lunch break on this day I pulled out my notebook and began to work out the plot of my novel. I had been having a lot of issues with what the conflict was going to be and why, but I figured it out by getting through an idea for a sequel, then I knew how I needed it to end. As I was jotting down everything as fast as I can, guess who stops by opening my door without knocking and barges in? You guessed it, new girl. She barged in unannounced and says "You ready to go now!"

All my plans flushed away immediately and I no longer remembered how I planned it would end. For all we know this woman is responsible for my ever-persisting failure in accomplishing anything. Not really because I have only known her for a week or two but I was super pissed. I am sure I can remember it once I start working on it again, but its really frustrating.

Does this ever happen to anyone else? Are you ever in the middle of something and someone who has no common courtesy just interrupts you and steals all your creative genius? I am obviously joking I am not a genius, but it is still a piss off. My mediocrity is completely dependent on my average amount of effort. If I can't even put in an average amount of effort I will become less then mediocre and that's not good at all. Anyways, I should do something today so the when Dave gets home I am not in the same place he left me. And by do something, I mean take a nap.


Shopping is Best When Done in the Comfort of Your Sweatpants!